Noah Berman
One of my favorite things to do at the end of a long day is going to my local bar, sipping a whiskey on the patio under the setting Los Angeles sun, surrounded by beautiful actors and models happily chatting away, but also never really seeing any of that because I’m looking at tweets on my phone. Like, the whole time. It’s great. The tweets are never ending. That Los Angeles sun will set. The bar will close. Most of these actors and models will give up, move home, and start a family they’ll grow to resent. But the tweets? Ah, the tweets. The tweets are forever.
25.
https://twitter.com/feeldemo/status/1029992985210089472
24.
Hero. pic.twitter.com/Tgcg6SpIRy
— Hunter Alek Homistek (@HunterAHomistek) August 14, 2018
22.
https://twitter.com/ollietttaa/status/1029218346179284992
21.
[first day as a bartender]
Customer: I'll have a martini, dry
Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don't know how to tell you this— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) May 23, 2018
20.
https://twitter.com/TiernanDouieb/status/1028993297006686208
19.
https://twitter.com/DadCelo/status/1027935356472180736
18.
I want the Queer Eye guys to come to my apartment and just beat the absolute shit out of me
— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) August 12, 2018
17.
https://twitter.com/R_tatas/status/1028344576405204993
14.
If
You
Are
A
Group
Of
People
Walking
On
A
Narrow
Sidewalk
In
New
York
City
This
Is
What
You
Should
Look
Like— Rakesh Satyal (@rakeshsatyal) August 11, 2018
13.
My money is on the live wolves. pic.twitter.com/ViSw73tpvD
— Gareth Penrose (@garethpenrose) August 11, 2018
12.
LMFAOOOOOOOO , i love it😂 pic.twitter.com/0dYljIhM1h
— velma💗 (@king_kitty_) August 11, 2018
11.
me during morning shift: ay who the FUCK closed last night
me closing at night: this looks like a problem for the opener
— Neek (@babyltaly) April 18, 2019
10.
before vs after when I told him he was a good boy pic.twitter.com/c2DKg3LI4J
— 𝑡𝑎𝑚𝑠 (@sociotaph) August 8, 2018
9.
My 13 y.o. son told me that when he hits 99 pounds, he wants to eat one pound of nachos on his own so he can be 1% nacho.
— David Juurlink (@DavidJuurlink) August 12, 2018
8.
Tiger Woods golfing in 2002 & Tiger Woods golfing in 2018.
Watching with our eyes versus watching through our smartphones. pic.twitter.com/BpSxT1yTDa
— Yoni (@OriginalYoni) August 10, 2018
7.
So my dads going to Vegas today and this is what he decided to wear🤦🏻♀️ pic.twitter.com/nx7Z0ivvTF
— madi (@mmooremadi) August 8, 2018
6.
[during sex]
her: i want you to hurt me
me: your sister’s more successful than you
her: wait
me: not a big fan of the new haircut
her: stop
— Skoog (@Skoog) August 9, 2018
5.
https://twitter.com/FeralCrone/status/524512817735794688
4.
https://twitter.com/infinityonhi/status/1027569364965502976
3.
https://twitter.com/cmridgely/status/1025548823916171264?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
2.
you just found a magical lil meow meow in the sky, rt or you’ll have 10 years of bad luck pic.twitter.com/zzk998W7Yk
— enigma (@nytkizz) August 4, 2018
1.
A REAL CONVERSATION I HEARD BETWEEN TWO GROWN MEN AT TIRES PLUS:
Man #1: *getting ready to pay* Is it a swipey swipe
Man #2: No it’s a chippy chip
— Madison (@madisonbosil) April 21, 2019