Noah Berman
Teens everywhere are rolling their eyes at their dads after he said some corny-ass thing in public. What they don’t realize is that one day, they’ll be the adult with the bad jokes. By then we’ll mostly be made from cyborg parts, but our terrible senses of humor will age as normal. That’s what I think anyway, and I’m looking forward to it!
The crazy thing is that it sneaks up on your. What would have once made you shriek, “Daaaa-AAD!” will start to make you smile a little. You’ll be in the shower and remember some pun about shampoo and have a giggle. Dad jokes are slow burners. They catch you when you least expect it and make you laugh. Then groan. Then laugh again at home terrible the joke was.
The cyborg technology will probably arrive before we understand why this transformation happens. Science can’t explain it. Presumably our brains atrophy. Here are a whole bunch of the best Dad Jokes in the game, from an account called @BadDadJokes for when your mind is too weak and old to understand they’re awful. Then all that’s left is the laughter!
30.
Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password.
It’s not stroganoff.#dadjokes #JokeOfTheDay— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) January 31, 2018
29.
How do you kill a vegetarian vampire?
With a steak to the heart.#dadjokes #jokeoftheday— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) December 27, 2017
28.
My friend David lost his ID…
Now I call him Dav.#dadjokes #jokeoftheday— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) October 6, 2017
27.
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.#dadjoke #jokeoftheday
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) June 21, 2017
26.
I met my wife on the net; we were both bad trapeze artists.#dadjokes #jokeoftheday
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) May 24, 2017
25.
What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.#dadjokes #jokeoftheday
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) May 20, 2017
24.
I used to have a job collecting leaves. I was raking it in. #dadjokes #jokeoftheday
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 7, 2017
23.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels#dadjokes #jokeoftheday— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) March 21, 2017
22.
I tell you what often gets overlooked – garden fences.#dadjokes #jokeoftheday
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) March 7, 2017
21.
I saw an ad in a shop window that said “Television for Sale – £1- Volume Stuck On Full”. I thought: “I can’t turn that down”.#dadjokes
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) February 12, 2017
20.
What’s a marsupial’s favourite cocktail?
A piña koala.#dadjokes #jokeoftheday— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) January 13, 2017
19.
Why aren’t jet skis called boatercyles?#dadjoke #joke
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) November 28, 2016
18.
Today’s top fact:
50% of Canada is A#dadjoke— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) October 31, 2016
17.
Old yachtsmen don’t die… They just keel over.#dadjokes #jokeoftheday
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) July 28, 2016
16.
I just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.#DadmirationDay #FathersDay #dadjokes #HappyFathersDay
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) June 19, 2016
15.
I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.#dadjokes #jokeoftheday
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) June 2, 2016
14.
Archaeology really is a career in ruins…#dadjokes
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 25, 2016
13.
If you want a job in the moisturiser industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.#dadjokes
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 9, 2016
12.
My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess.#jokes #dadjokes
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) March 28, 2016
11.
I hate perforated lines, they’re tearable.#dadjokes
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) January 20, 2016
10.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today… I told him that’s the last thing I need. #dadjoke
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) January 12, 2016
9.
Don’t kiss your wife with a runny nose.
You might think it’s funny, but it’s snot.#dadjokes #DadJokes2015
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) December 2, 2015
8.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.#joke #dadjoke #badjoke
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) October 14, 2015
7.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom?
Because the P is silent#lolasaurusrex #DadJokes #dadjoke #joke— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) June 25, 2015
6.
You can’t run through a camp site.
You can only ran, because it’s past tents.#dadjoke #dadjokealert #jokeoftheday
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) June 5, 2015
5.
May the 4th be with you.
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) May 4, 2015
4.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.#joke #dadjoke #dadjokes
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 22, 2015
3.
Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?
Dunno, they’re just a bit shady.#dadjokes #dadjoke
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 20, 2015
2.
Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I’m still working on it. #dadjokes #joke
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 3, 2015
1.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth…. Then it’s a soap opera#DadJokes #joke #dadjoke
— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) June 16, 2015
See what I mean about laughing in the shower?