17 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday

One of my favorite things to do at the end of a long day is going to my local bar, sipping a whiskey on the patio under the setting Los Angeles sun, surrounded by beautiful actors and models happily chatting away, but also never really seeing any of that because I’m looking at tweets on my phone. Like, the whole time. It’s great. The tweets are never ending. That Los Angeles sun will set. The bar will close. Most of these actors and models will give up, move home, and start a family they’ll grow to resent. But the tweets? Ah, the tweets. The tweets are forever.

1.

wife: [watching the news] some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium

me: [covered in ink] maybe the squid was being a dick

— andrew (@AndrewChamings) August 30, 2018

2.

Y’all pic.twitter.com/XV0OUcRyeH

— galina (@gkhnvch) August 30, 2018

3.

https://twitter.com/breadboi/status/1034267396482244608

4.

Can’t wait till winter so i can really start dressin pic.twitter.com/CykF5PcM5n

— M a t t (@matchu_merman) August 27, 2018

5.

Fetty Wap's full name is Fettuccine Washington Post

— #1 samir (@samir) October 2, 2015

6.

https://twitter.com/cerisezhane/status/1034248318761746432

7.

https://twitter.com/t1nale/status/1033600515811115008

8.

https://twitter.com/RebeccaBirnbach/status/1034980710317268994

9.

https://twitter.com/treymeyersx/status/1034104677829435392

10.

https://twitter.com/HeartOfPluto_/status/1033550777434816512

11.

My dog just posts up like he’s in the club judging ppl pic.twitter.com/7dECkhW7qY

— BV (@bvwhoo) August 23, 2018

12.

https://twitter.com/katecartwright_/status/1033014075456991232

13.

Everyone: 2016 could not possibly get worse
Me: *dies in a car crash while my Uber driver is literally DJing* pic.twitter.com/bapZrGhLzP

— Alex Naidus (@hotdoorknobs) December 17, 2016