Noah Berman
One of my favorite things to do at the end of a long day is going to my local bar, sipping a whiskey on the patio under the setting Los Angeles sun, surrounded by beautiful actors and models happily chatting away, but also never really seeing any of that because I’m looking at tweets on my phone. Like, the whole time. It’s great. The tweets are never ending. That Los Angeles sun will set. The bar will close. Most of these actors and models will give up, move home, and start a family they’ll grow to resent. But the tweets? Ah, the tweets. The tweets are forever.
1.
wife: [watching the news] some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium
me: [covered in ink] maybe the squid was being a dick
— andrew (@AndrewChamings) August 30, 2018
2.
Y’all pic.twitter.com/XV0OUcRyeH
— galina (@gkhnvch) August 30, 2018
3.
https://twitter.com/breadboi/status/1034267396482244608
4.
Can’t wait till winter so i can really start dressin pic.twitter.com/CykF5PcM5n
— M a t t (@matchu_merman) August 27, 2018
5.
Fetty Wap's full name is Fettuccine Washington Post
— #1 samir (@samir) October 2, 2015
6.
So my mom asked me what I was wearing to the Beyoncé concert… so I told her not thinking anything of it. Tell me why I go to meet up with her & we had on the same thing?? 🤦🏾♀️ Like girlllllll pic.twitter.com/5DSXJLuFSw
— Professional Princess (@cerisezhane) August 28, 2018
7.
https://twitter.com/t1nale/status/1033600515811115008
8.
https://twitter.com/RebeccaBirnbach/status/1034980710317268994
9.
https://twitter.com/treymeyersx/status/1034104677829435392
10.
After 15kg of wool and over 💯 hrs of knitting, I’m finally ready to fly to the UK. Now I just need to pack the entire universe into my suitcase! I’ll see you all soon 🤗 pic.twitter.com/orBWAmi3bW
— Heart of Pluto (@HeartOfPluto_) August 26, 2018
11.
My dog just posts up like he’s in the club judging ppl pic.twitter.com/7dECkhW7qY
— BV (@bvwhoo) August 23, 2018
12.
https://twitter.com/katecartwright_/status/1033014075456991232
13.
Everyone: 2016 could not possibly get worse
Me: *dies in a car crash while my Uber driver is literally DJing* pic.twitter.com/bapZrGhLzP— Alex Naidus (@hotdoorknobs) December 17, 2016
14.
https://twitter.com/danhawkinsUT/status/1032799337036869632
15.
https://twitter.com/YourMomsucksTho/status/1035961358129537024
16.
Bean bag chairs are venus fly traps for anyone over 35
— obi. (@thajawn) August 31, 2018
17.
Wifi: Connected
Me: Then Fucking act like it— Mystical441 (@Mystical441) August 31, 2018
