Finally Someone Fulfilled The Dream Of Making A Bop-It You Can F*ck

Nutaku, a company which claims to be the “world’s largest adult gaming platform”—a claim I cannot in good faith argue upon seeing their vast array of hentai games featuring the word “fap” in the title—has pioneered a brand new sex toy.

Well, not entirely brand new. It’s actually a perverse spin on the Bop-It toy of yore (do they still make them?) called the Flick ‘N’ Jerk, and to call it a demonization of one of my childhood’s more stressful playthings would be an understatement.

The Flick ‘N’ Jerk is, much like its predecessor, a 4-in-one ninja-star-shaped tool that features a different sex toy on each prong; A Fleshlight, a buttplug, a dildo, and a vibrator, in counter-clockwise order. Created in celebration of National Masturbation Day on May 28 (yes, there’s a holiday for that), the F and J, as I like to call it, raises more questions than it answers.

For example, while using the dildo in whichever nether-region orifice, doesn’t the Fleshlight end up jamming one in either the belly or the lumbar spine? This same question of logistics applies for each of the other prongs.

No word yet on when this multi-faceted toy will drop, though I will personally make sure to alert you intrepid freaks as soon as I hear an update.

“Do you have what it takes to rub on it, suck on it, ride on it, plug on it, and pound on it?!” reads the Nutaku press release, and honestly…I’m not sure I do. Do you?