Noah Berman
Teachers deserve so, so, so much more money and support than they receive. Did you know that teachers spent an average of $500 of their own money on classroom supplies last year? Or that 30% of them have second jobs?
There are certainly statistics that also suggest being a teacher fills one with a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment. Still, they should be making far more money for the amount of time and effort they put in on a daily basis. And also for putting up with students who write notes like this:
15. Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell:
In health class, we were talking about boners and how they fill up with blood. My cousin took a piece of paper and wrote “your penis is filled with blood” and threw it at some popular kid. The teacher picked it up and you can see him die inside because of the immaturity of 8th graders and how he has to teach them for a career.
14. Devin is the type of man we need more of in this world:
Not a teacher, but once I wrote a love letter to a guy when I was 9 years old. When I got caught, a guy took the blame and read it to the whole class. He never said who wrote it. Thank you Devin.
13. Truly a genius response:
Not a teacher, but this one was great…
My Freshman year of HS, we had a student teacher for Algebra. This poor dude was terrified of public speaking. I don’t think he made eye contact with any of us. Anyway…one day he catches someone passing a note. He demands that it be handed over. He unfolds it and reads it aloud:
“My dick’s erect.”
The whole class busted out laughing. The supervising teacher was horrified. But this guy was perplexed. He had a strange, puzzled look on his face. He read it again, with conviction.
“My dick’s…ERECT!”
By now, people are crying and choking from laughing so hard, but not him. He was still confused. Our normal Algebra teacher snatched the paper out of his hand, probably fearing a lawsuit or something. She managed to crack a smile and then join the laughter when she read the note, which had 3 words scrawled on it:
My Dixie Wrecked
Mr. Kirkpatrick, where ever you are, thank you for one of my fondest high school memories.
12. So, so wholesome:
A positive spin: I was long-term subbing a class. One day I noticed students discreetly passing around a piece of paper while I was teaching. I went to retrieve it…. and discovered it was a petition signed by each student requesting I remain their teacher for the rest of the year 🙂
11. Kids are such savages:
Not a teacher, but when I was in high school, I started a note from the back row of the class, which was passed and read by nearly everyone in the class. The teacher grabbed it as it went past him, when there was only 3 people left who hasn’t read it.
I think he was going to read it out to the class, but he looked at it before he read it. All the note said was that the zip on his pants was down. With all respect to him, he calmly zipped up and continued teaching.
10. That’s what she gets for nosing around:
Not a teacher. Someone in my class had a cold and wiped their snot into a scrap piece of paper, as they didn’t have a tissue. They then scrunched it up and left it on the side of their desk. Teacher saw this, thought it was a note and grabbed the paper, going through the usual fanfare of ‘the importance not passing notes around’. The look on her face when she opened it was priceless.
9. This is hysterical for no reason at all:
I was in eighth grade and it was a hot, sunny day in mid May. I wrote “it’s snowing” on a piece of paper and showed it to my friend sitting next to me, who immediately looked out the window. We both laughed because obviously it wasn’t snowing.
Then he and I laughed when I showed it to another student and they immediately looked out the window. And so on until most of the class is in on the joke, and watching as I show the piece of paper to the next unwitting fool.
Almost every student knows what’s going on, when my teacher sees that I’m showing this piece of paper to everyone and making them laugh. She walks over to my desk, looks down at the piece of paper that says “it’s snowing” and instinctively looks out the window.
The entire class bursts out in laughter.
8. Going to need a followup to this one…
Not really a note, but when I was teaching college classes, I caught two of the girls whispering, so I told them “If you’re going to tell secrets, you need to share with the rest of the class.” (I taught preschool before this).
She looked right at me, and said, without the slightest embarrassment, “I was just telling her that I think you have a cute butt.” I was teaching a Communications class, and we were discussing communications in the workplace, and I looked down at the textbook. After seeing what the next section was, I said “Ok, moving on to the next section, titled ‘Sexual Harrassment’.”
Everyone roared with laughter.
A couple weeks later, at a baseball game paid for by the school, she came on to me really hard, with my fiancee right there.
7. Probably these kids don’t even need school:
One time a student had passed a note and I asked it to be read out. Read: bish to take K kn Bastards had been playing a game of fucking correspondence chess during my lesson. I let them carry on.
6. Some of the notes are heartbreaking:
I don’t know if this is the best but it’s pretty profound. I usually ignored note-passing. If a student didn’t want to pay attention but wasn’t bothering anyone else I was cool. In the age of cell phones notes were kind of outdated anyway.
So I had this student who could do origami like a boss and he was always making all kinds of animal figures and cool shapes that I would put on the cork board behind my desk. This one day he is getting his fold on and is completely focused and not paying attention.
Before I know it, class is over and it’s on my desk. He stops on the way out of my class and says, “You’re gonna wanna read that.” I read it and he asking for lunch money cause his mom took off and he was hungry. It hurts being a teacher some days.