Edward
13.
I swear Florida could be voting between ice cream and a kick to the head and the results would be 50.5%-49.5%.
— Benjamin Park (@BenjaminEPark) November 7, 2018
14.
https://twitter.com/_ayosworldd/status/1058056728988786689
15.
priest: it be like that sometimes
congregation: and sometimes like that it be
— madison!!! (@madisonfrench_) November 5, 2018
16.
when you come home smelling like another dog pic.twitter.com/rhA98A8uk4
— You Matter (@DemetriusHarmon) November 15, 2018
17.
My uncle on my Italian side got one of the DNA tests done and it turns out they're not Italian and everyone in my family is having a mental breakdown
— no war with iran you miserable fucks (@queenozymandias) November 23, 2018
18.
*A white dad at a restaurant who just paid his bill*
His Brain:
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say itDad:
"You guys ready to rock and roll?"— B-Jones (@BrianJones01) November 13, 2018
19.
Regular back:
-will hurt eventually
-boring
-stupid bonesBackstreet's back:
-alright— Thunder Bread⚡️ (@JoeyDG54) November 27, 2018
20.
Here’s how to tip:
Bill: $45.15
Move decimal to the left: $4.515
Take it back now, yall: $45.15
One hop this time: $451.5
One hop this time: $4515.
Tip: $4,515
Total bill: $4560.16
If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to go out to eat.— John Marsz (@johnmarsz12) November 20, 2018
21.
I can drink 3 cups of coffee and go straight to sleep and this is just one example of what is fundamentally wrong with me as a person
— Maria Zembillas (@Maria_Zembillas) November 6, 2018
22.
"Bro, you want this pamphlet?"
"Brochure"
— Steven W Skinner (@SkinnerSteven) November 16, 2018
23.
24.
https://twitter.com/dumbhovan/status/1059988327997280267
25.
One time in Starbucks, they finished making my drink and they screamed my name and everyone ducked under the tables.
— Jihad (@bombanta) November 25, 2018
h/t: Buzzfeed