Mike
Each week I sift through thousands of funny tweets to bring you the best of the best, and yeah, I might have been a little drunk while doing it. However, upon reading them in the sober light of day, I am pleased to inform you they hold up.
1.
In 1998 I *begged* my mom to buy me JNCO jeans.
She agreed, but only on the condition we do a photoshoot to prove to my future self how stupid I looked.
Look who's laughing now, mom. pic.twitter.com/guTjRSk31N
— Zach Kornfeld (@korndiddy) December 7, 2018
2.
what pic.twitter.com/ec7O5INcEN
— meg cramer (@Meg_Cramer) December 8, 2018
3.
https://twitter.com/StillerCj/status/1071069935797972992
4.
At my funeral I won’t need a coffin. I will be cremated from the neck down and my head will be on a stick. If you want to say anything about me you have to hold my head stick
— ◼️ (@anymorejake) December 8, 2018
5.
My sister is in a sorority & honestly if I see one more post of how much she loves her “big” ok IM YOUR ACTUAL BIG SISTER SORRY I DONT WRITE U LITTLE NOTES ABOUT HOW YOU FELL FROM A RAINBOW & SPROUTED INTO A TULIP BUT I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO WEAR A TAMPON have some respect
— jaleigh (@jaleighavery7) December 7, 2018
6.
https://twitter.com/Wayjay83/status/825371688200237058
7.
https://twitter.com/spinnerellas/status/1070149381758701569
8.
about to send my professors a “y’all won” group email
— b (@oatlybaby) December 6, 2018
9.
https://twitter.com/aliahgeyes/status/1069673618840244224
10.
One of my blinds broke in my bedroom so I just went to CVS pic.twitter.com/0QghmXKZ7R
— andrew (@andrewnolan2) December 5, 2018
11.
Thee funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time, my view from work pic.twitter.com/LDVsYhpVVL
— Donnell Anderson (@aggravatedman) December 5, 2018
12.
https://twitter.com/tay_mc_/status/1070070471012474880
13.
https://twitter.com/_andreavarela_/status/1069982564369096704
14.
*in hell*
satan: dude you gotta stop following me around
me: I don't know anyone else here I feel awkward
— Danya (@dxxnya) December 4, 2018
15.
https://twitter.com/Drrramina/status/1069733085300682753
16.
https://twitter.com/AbigailMulholl1/status/1069752121644470273
17.
This is why I chose Cal State Fullerton over Harvard https://t.co/Xh3AALDHqa
— Michael Huntley (@mikehuntley63) December 4, 2018
18.
hey guys excited to announce I’ve dropped out of uni to draw porn on tumblr full time. well time to check the news
— olive (@suncaverns) December 3, 2018
19.
https://twitter.com/jbillinson/status/1070135112661114880
20.
https://twitter.com/devanlunceford2/status/1069967014557638656
21.
https://twitter.com/hanneblank/status/1069677248960192515
22.
https://twitter.com/itsKhyamii/status/1069413775395053569
23.
some financial tips:
-pay off ur min. credit card payments
-create a budget
-save a portion of each paycheck
-oh none of this working? then it’s heist time baby
-get the gang back together
-one last job, then u can all retire
-u did it!!
-but at what cost? rick died in the heist— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) December 2, 2018
24.
https://twitter.com/calamityjaz/status/1069375481257123842
25.
FAKE “GAMERS”
– fortnite
– red dead redemption
– fallout
– super smash brothersREAL GAMERS
– roller coaster tycoon
– zoo tycoon
– 2048
– nytimes crossword app
– google drive— rachel yara (@bugposting) December 3, 2018