Emily Burns
It’s that time of the week again, the time when we pull together all of the most hilarious tweets from the women of Twitter and share them with you.
So, sit back and enjoy some of the funniest jokes made by ladies this week.
1.
If I have a medical emergency don’t U DARE call an ambulance y’all better uber my ass to the hospital bc we not about to pay 5,000 for a ride in the wee-yoo wagon
— reesie (@reesxe) December 10, 2018
2.
anyone else have trouble getting their cats to pose for their christmas card? pic.twitter.com/uLFBQZoZkw
— Lana Miller (@lannmil) December 12, 2018
3.
can anyone else confirm that girls have 4 types of showers, a “quick body wash”, a “hair and body shower”, a proper “exfoliate shave, moisturizer, hair mask, singalong” and then a “depressed leave me alone I wanna die” shower.
— al⚢ (@saddgay) December 12, 2018
4.
guys really live in apartments like this and don’t see any issue pic.twitter.com/c7FQqgDgov
— kat hasty (@kathasty) December 13, 2018
5.
When I woke up today, I thought I saw a mouse on my floor.
(Without my contacts, I have -9 vision, so I can’t see).
SO. I trap the mouse with a box. I put my contacts in so I can see, only to find out that I did not trap a mouse.
I trapped my hairbrush.
Have a great day.
— Celia Grace Denney (@CeliaDenney) December 12, 2018
6.
recipe: 2 cloves of garlic
me: got it pic.twitter.com/imUsstSnGt
— nicole tersigni (@nicsigni) December 12, 2018
7.
A lady I work with sends her dog to doggy day care n the woman that runs it does seasonal photo shoots with the dogs 😂 This is their christmas pic pic.twitter.com/gnPZXjQdWy
— tyler (@_letliv3) December 11, 2018
8.
Olives are the perfect snack for anyone who loves the taste of drowning at sea
— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) December 13, 2018
9.
alexa, wake me up inside
— kim christmas (@KimmyMonte) December 14, 2018
10.
me: I’m never dating an emotionally immature uncommunicative sad boi ever agai-
sleepy indie white boy who looks like he hasn’t eaten a proper meal in days: *breathes*
me:
me: 👀
— Abby Govindan (@abbygov) December 14, 2018
11.
Therapist: You know it’s okay for you to enjoy the moments of happiness in your life. Stressing over the bad things that COULD happen instead isn’t going to soften the blow when they do.
Me: pic.twitter.com/hoFiiY8SPy
— Phoni Stark (@Steph_I_Will) December 13, 2018
12.
5 stages of going to Target:
-Denial
-Anger
-Bargaining
-wow, 3 bucks for cute socks!
-oh cool I just spent $600— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) December 10, 2018
13.
Age 7: I hope Santa brings me a bike, toys, and candy!
Age 37: I new spatula would be great. Maybe some printer ink, or even an avocado or two.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 13, 2018
14.
According to every Christmas movie, Santa literally won’t (CAN’T!) do his job unless enough people believe in him and tbh I strive for that level of confidence with my self care.
— madds (@whatmaddness) December 13, 2018
15.
my beautiful dark twisted pending transactions
— t (@radioheadass) December 9, 2018