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The Internet has chosen a new favorite comedian— and she’s only nine years old.
Screen and comedy writer Bess Kalb provided the world with a shining beacon of light in the swamp that is Twitter by tweeting out New Yorker cartoons captioned by her cousin’s nine-year-old daughter, Alice.
Kalb’s photos of the quippy one-liners quickly went viral, and once you read them you’ll have no trouble understanding why. “Everything is terrible but my cousin’s 9-year old daughter Alice has been quietly and masterfully slaying the @NewYorker’s caption contest and it’s pure delight,” Kalb wrote.
Everything is terrible but my cousin’s 9-year old daughter Alice has been quietly and masterfully slaying the @NewYorker’s caption contest and it’s pure delight. pic.twitter.com/Lhzmq7Pnsb
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 4, 2018
I know what you’re thinking, but the word “perfect” is actually an under- not an overstatement.
There are so many (she grabs every issue before her mom can get ahold of it) and every single one of them is perfect. pic.twitter.com/vsnG2unIbN
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 4, 2018
“(She’s freaking out with joy at your comments – I’m sending the screenshots to her mom),” tweeted Kalb. “Vintage Alice from 2017. I think you’ll like her earlier work. (She asked for a collection of EVERY cartoon with the real captions removed.)”
Vintage Alice from 2017. I think you’ll like her earlier work. (She asked for a collection of EVERY cartoon with the real captions removed) pic.twitter.com/sKr0CNFTZd
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
I am a professional joke writer for a professional TV show and I truly can’t touch any of this. Thank you for being as obsessed with Alice as our family is!
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
If her mom turns these into a book, I think it would be beautiful to call it “The Air is Good Up Here.”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Unsurprisingly, folks went wild for Alice’s brilliant New Yorker captions.
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This.👇👇👇https://t.co/1G3cPwEu8f
— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) December 21, 2018
Kalb wrangled her viral tweet into a larger message and societal call to arms: encourage and support girls to be funny. She mentions how social ‘norms’ for the longest time dictated that girls simply had no right to be funny, citing writers of several popular comedy television shows as examples.
Alice is an incredible kid. She loves her little brother and @HamiltonMusical (she knows EVERY lyric). Teachers don’t always encourage creative writing, so today has been a huge shot of confidence for her. Let young girls know when they’re funny and smart. Many people don’t.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Doubling down on this. There was a Conan O’Brien interview on Fresh Air years ago where he talked about his sister making a joke at the dinner table that made him howl with laughter and their father looked right at her and told her girls shouldn’t do that. It’s unbecoming.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Alice is so lucky her amazing, hilarious mom @kimkassnove recognizes and celebrates her for trying (DILIGENTLY) to be funny. It’s exhausting to beat this drum, but comedy writing is an overwhelmingly male-dominated enterprise. Look through Emmy nominees for talk and sketch shows.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Sometimes there are more Joshes and Daniels on shows than all women combined. This is a startlingly frequent and real thing. I’ve talked to a lot of other female late night and comedy TV writers and many of us never wrote or did comedy in school because that was for the dudes.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Female writers of Parks and Rec, Silicon Valley, SNL, Fallon, and Kimmel DID NOT DO COMEDY in school because we were either rejected from male-run comedy behemoths (The Harvard Lampoon) or just were given enough cues growing up to just keep our heads down and get good grades.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
She notes how important it so to remember that young girls have literally everything going against them– sometimes even their own families or teachers. And how boys don’t like to be less funny than girls, leading many to quell their inner humor and comedic prowess.
This could happen to Alice very easily, even with supportive parents. Her teacher ALREADY TOLD HER not to get “fancy” with her writing this year. Middle school boys don’t want to date girls who can get bigger laughs than them. So we adjust to fit everyone’s expectations.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
The only reason some of us get a chance to do comedy professionally, and the actual reason I got into comedy when I applied to Kimmel six years ago, is someone recognized and amplified my voice. In my case it was @NellSco. She said “You’re funny.” That changed my life.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Nell found me on Twitter and told me to send her a packet of jokes and she’d send them to her agent who would send them to the show. Those jokes made it into my bosses hands because she stepped up for me. She’s done that for MANY girls, some of whom now write for John Oliver.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
What I’m saying is maybe Conan’s sister would have had a good show. We’ll never know. Funny people like Alice are pretty rare. Comedy needs validation. If you’re lucky enough to have an Alice in your life, make sure she knows it.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
In conclusion: I told you to give the mayor a pizza.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Amen. While white men make room for women in comedy, we’ll be reading Alice’s forthcoming autobiography: Well, That’s New.