Masha
Some people are filled with rainbows and sunshine. Others, however, have decided to forgo the sunshine-y goodness in favor of all things dark, twisted and just a little bit despicable. Instead of leaping at the opportunity to meet new people, we prefer to stand in the corner and silently judge. Rather than waking up and greeting the day with a smile, we ooze out of bed like comforter-covered slugs. And, if we have the opportunity to make a sarcastic remark, we don’t just take it — we relish it.
We are the dark, demented, sarcastic cynics in this world, and honestly? Considering the way things are going these days, who can actually blame us?
If you are also secretly a moody, April Ludgate-like presence in the world, then these jokes are for you. Maybe you can print them out and put them on your dungeon wall.
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https://twitter.com/rudy_mustang/status/714867479567314944
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THIS MF EAT SOMEBODY EVERYBODY GONNA BE "IM SHOCKED!! HE WAS SO QUIET REALLY NICE & KEPT TO HIMSELF, HONOR STUDENT" pic.twitter.com/IdAI9NGSFy
— THE KID MERO 🇩🇴 (@THEKIDMERO) June 15, 2016
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My parrot died today. Its last words were, "Fuck, I think my parrot is about to die."
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) September 13, 2016
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Me: Excuse me sir, what's your Wi-Fi password?
Him: *[Leans in] *[Whispers angrily]
THIS IS A FUNERALMe: *[Types in]
THIS IS A FUNERAL— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) June 14, 2014
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https://twitter.com/AntTM93/status/806350565114527744
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MUGGER: GIVE ME YOUR PURSE OR I'LL SHOOT YOU
ME: *realize I won't have to pay student loans back if I'm dead*
MUGGER: ???
ME: I'm thinking.— Jade Van Kley (@BacklineNurse) February 24, 2015
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When you know this unusually warm weather in October is due to global warming and climate change but you still kinda enjoying it. pic.twitter.com/qGwWQXvSt2
— ⭐️ (@WHOAmamaa) October 19, 2016
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https://twitter.com/allhailmonae/status/788896848421482496