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Betty White’s Top Ten Tips For Living A Long Happy Life Are Hilarious And Practical

Thursday was actor and honest to God national treasure Betty White‘s 97th (yes, ninety-freaking-seventh) birthday.

And if you’re wondering how somebody manages to live so long and still look so good, you’re in luck, because years ago she told then Late Show host David Letterman her secrets to health and longevity.

In the format of the Late Show‘s nightly Top 10 lists, White gave some advice on how to stay alive a long time, but because she and Letterman are both comedians, maybe don’t put too much stock into the advice. Or do! Who really knows what works and what doesn’t?

10. Never underestimate the importance of beauty rest.

9. Working out might help. Or not.

8. Never say you’re sorry, no matter what happens.

7. Gotta get that bread.

6. Keep your privates private.

5. Screw water, remember to drink a lot of whiskey.

4. Eat all the meat.

3. Don’t die! Seems obvious, but important.

2. The past is the past.

1. Don’t waste your precious time watching crap TV.

And there you have it! Follow this advice, and you, too, can live to the ripe old age of 97. Or not!

And most importantly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BETTY WHITE! You are so very loved!

h/t: BuzzFeed