I big reason why I love kids is the absolutely brutal honesty they hit people with on a daily basis. That is, until it’s directed at you. You don’t know who you really are until you’ve been savagely roasted by a 5-year-old. That is a truly humbling moment. One that these folks know all too well.
1. This kid knew an insult when he heard one.
Me to my son: You remind me of me.
Son: That's just mean.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 16, 2016
2. This little girl called it like she saw it.
My 6yo daughter just caught me getting out of the shower.
"It looks like a minion!"
— Wyn (@WynRichards) August 27, 2016
3. This 6-year-old knows how wrinkles work.
6yo: Mommy, when you get older will you look all gross?
Me: What do you mean, 'gross'?
6yo: Like how you are now, but wrinklier.
— Kristen Mae (@AbandonPretense) August 27, 2016
4. Gavin’s classmate is brutally honest.
Kid in Gavin's class: Is Gavin going to have a baby sister?
Kid: Oh sorry…I misunderstood your dress.#kidburn
— Tabitha Doddridge (@dontcallmetabby) May 25, 2018
5. This kiddo doesn’t care for mom’s cooking.
Me: We all make mistakes.
5: Even you?
5: Oh yeah! Like when you're trying to cook food that tastes good but then it doesn't?
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 15, 2016
6. This very aware 10-year-old keeps it real.
10: Mom what's a metaphor?
Me: My life is a train wreck.
10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?
— Sardonic Tart (@SardonicTart) December 12, 2014
7. This kid isn’t about that comfy clothes life.
Me: Please get dressed.
9yo: But you're still in your pajamas!
Me: I AM dressed.
9yo: Is that what you're calling [waves palm at me] this?
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) September 1, 2016
8. Mom’s gonna need some ice for that burn.
Words still resounding in my head since breakfast, 'Look! It's a picture of Mama before she got saggy..' #honestyofchildren 😕
— Louise Allain (@louiseallain) May 27, 2016
9. This kid has their priorities in order.
4-year-old: Can we get a kitten?
Me: I'm allergic. We can't be in the same house.
4: You could sleep outside.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 25, 2016
10. A brutally honest question.
"Mommy does my butt wiggle when I walk like yours does?" #kidhonesty
— Gretchen Britt (@GretchenYa) September 10, 2015
11. This kid is already giving backhanded compliments.
B: is that an old picture mom?
Me: no that's me 6 weeks ago
B: you look younger in photos #kidburn
— Kirsten Rourke (@kirstenrourke) June 9, 2017
12. Just zero, mom.
Me: "How many kisses do you need from me?"
3yo: "Probably just zero."
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) March 16, 2015
13. Mom needs a drink after this one.
— Kris Redenius (@redenius_kris) July 20, 2015
14. This kid calling his mom a fossil.
When Bea was 3:
3yo: I love u the mostest.
Me: I love u my tiniest baby.
3yo: I love u my oldest Mommy. My fossil Mom. You are a fossil.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 24, 2016
15. This observant child.
Berlyn: "daddy, ur hair is growing in the wrong direction! Its going back in ur head instead of out!".ouch! #kidsaretoohonest
— christie harrow (@surfgrlcoco) April 1, 2013
16. This child serving as the cruel little voice in our heads.
Me "ugh I ate a lot today…"
Payton "it's not just today mom." #KidsAreTooHonest
— L. Valencsin (@lvalencsin) August 22, 2017
17. This kid should probably go into psychiatry.
Me to my 5-yr-old, balancing precariously on a stool: "Be careful – that's not very stable!"
Her: "YOU'RE not very stable!"#kidburn
— Gabby D. (@GabnDad) March 11, 2017