Jason Mustian
You can’t win them all. In fact, if we’re being honest, you can’t win most of them. Fuck, if you’re batting .300 on good vs. shitty days, you’re probably in the human being hall of fame. So congrats!
Here are some people having all sorts of shitty days, ranked in terms of shittiness.
1. This dog owner.
Shittiness: 💩💩💩
While this photo makes for a great Instagram picture and K-9 homage to The Shining, you’re probably going to have to replace all of the doors in your house with metal ones.
2. This guy, whose flight left two hours ago.
Shittiness: 💩💩💩
Ever lost a passport while traveling? It’s a special kind of hell trying to get into and out of a country without one, and let’s not forget any number of identity theft threats that now loom over you.
3. This patient.
Shittiness: 💩
Embarrassing as hell, but maybe the dentist was into it? Maybe you were into it? Haven’t you always wanted to tell your friends you’re dating a dentist?
4. This victim of modern technology.
Shittiness: 💩💩💩
Locksmiths aren’t cheap. Not to mention, now the locksmith is going to be making fun of you in front of all his locksmith friends. Fucking locksmiths. Think they’re SOOOOOO cool.
5. This “Woody” fan.
Shittiness: 💩
Embarrassing, but not all that shitty considering I’d much rather have the autograph of a pot enthusiast than a marry-my-step-daughter enthusiast.
6. This car owner.
Shittiness: 💩💩💩
There’s a special place in hell for people who hit & run.
7. This guy, whose Roomba grabbed a nice little dog turd.
Shittiness: 💩💩💩💩💩
Expensive Roomba ruined. Day ruined. House ruined. This literally and figuratively could not be shittier.
8. Everyone who was involved in this incident.
Shittiness for the guy who took the picture 💩 – Inconvenient, but actually kind of funny, unless you knew the deceased.
Shittiness for dead dude: 💩- I mean, you’re dead so it couldn’t really affect you all that much.
Shittiness for hearse driver: 💩💩💩💩💩- You had ONE job, and that was NOT to let the casket fall out onto the highway while you were driving.
9. This driver who forgot to close his door before triggering the automatic garage.
Shittiness: 💩💩
Jeep owners take their doors off all the time, now you’re just like them! Kind of?
10. This Netflix programmer.
Shittiness: 💩
Whoooops!
11. This Amazon shopper.
Shittiness: 💩
Shitty in the sense that you got ripped off, but the silver lining is you can now comfortably entertain Hobbits or Stuart Little.
12. This guy who realized all too late that those specs in his cereal were ants.
Shittiness: 💩💩💩💩
Vomit 3000. Only saving grace is cereal is generally low in protein, so the ants are a nice supplement.
13. This girl, who just wanted a picture in front of Mt. Rushmore.
Shittiness: 💩
Disappointing, but also no one cares about your vacation photos, whether taken optimally or not.
14. This dude.
Shittiness if it actually happened: 💩💩💩💩💩
Shittiness, given that it 1000% is fake: None, you attention whore.
15. This woman.
Shittiness: 💩
Umm, it’s 2019. Gender is fluid, so it could be worse.
16.
Shittiness: 💩💩💩💩
Clean-up alone is gonna take hours. Not to mention everyone making fun of you. Only possible bonus is snapping a photo and telling people you did one of those dumb Color Run things.
17.
Shittiness: 💩💩💩💩💩
Oh damn! Everyone is about to have the shittiest day possible.