Pleated Jeans
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Piss Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
H E Y
POT TER Y
B A R N AR E Y
OU S U RE I T'S
"DISHWASHER SAFE" pic.twitter.com/Zo8TAVyOjH
— Ashley Mayer (@ashleymayer) August 9, 2019
2.
my sister got a tattoo of our parents and… I — pic.twitter.com/BNhvJyNOAV
— ciara (@casualciara) August 6, 2019
3.
michael cera is trending so i’d like to make it publicly known that i am his doppelgänger pic.twitter.com/d7U0bza7ca
— naomi (@nayohmee) August 6, 2019
4.
the other night my boyfriend & i got drunk together, i went to go to the bathroom & guess i was in there too long, so he told me if i’m okay to grab the cheezit pic.twitter.com/jI35CmmWRE
— nicole ⬡ (@NTBnicole13) August 3, 2019
5.
https://twitter.com/Kappa_Kappa/status/1159716421279993857
6.
https://twitter.com/messytweet/status/1158973442554617856
7.
If you're looking for the clown, he's two storm drains over pic.twitter.com/FCdWew4HYE
— Ewar Woowar (@EwaSR) August 9, 2019
8.
spider-man: weird your rug looks just like a giant piece of paper
me: [sneaking up behind him with enormous cup] that 𝑖𝑠 weird
— Jillian Karger (@JillianKarger) August 8, 2019
9.
https://twitter.com/slutdotnet/status/1159238069813256192
10.
https://twitter.com/indeprive/status/1159556709142151170
11.
houseplants b like due to personal reasons i will be passing away…
— 𝔐 (@vsmarzz) August 3, 2019
12.
me going back to the sample lady at costco for another quarter of a dumpling pic.twitter.com/u3zemhNdUQ
— Tess Harkin (@Tess_Harkin) August 9, 2019
13.
https://twitter.com/_brittanyv/status/1159118868679286784
14.
Being an adult is saying "I can't believe it's (x month) already" over and over and over until you die
— Karen M. McManus Updates (@writerkmc) August 5, 2019
15.
https://twitter.com/lotives/status/1159212275770650624
16.
hey sorry to call in sick again but my mom asked, “are you a member of hookup culture?” two days ago and I still haven’t recovered
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 7, 2019
17.
Bill Cosby dead
— Nikki Glaser (@NikkiGlaser) August 8, 2019
18.
I’ll stand right in front of a restaurant and google its hours rather than pull on a locked door and bear that shame
— Weak Ankles (@ankles_so_weak) August 5, 2019
19.
def not me. 👀
— Monica Lewinsky (she/her) (@MonicaLewinsky) August 7, 2019
20.
https://twitter.com/drowzygf/status/1159833650344521729
21.
https://twitter.com/somaddysmith/status/1158802849058439169
22.
I posted a picture on my insta in my ex’s shirt and let’s just say he probably won’t ask for it back again anytime soon pic.twitter.com/00ypwNBEf8
— Alyssa Nikaye (@lyssa_Stout) August 7, 2019
23.
restaurants should be legally obligated to disclose if their fruit salad is mostly melon
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) August 8, 2019
24.
PITCH: "Reverse Queer Eye" – Five straight men come to your house and absolutely destroy your life.
— Kristen Bartlett (@kristencheeks) August 7, 2019
25.
https://twitter.com/enemytolover/status/1159296402863874053