Pleated Jeans
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us pee our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
me reading back my own writing. https://t.co/cb4zlWjjIG
— sarah ball (@sarfow11) August 12, 2019
2.
these names can’t be real pic.twitter.com/EiGGR2dNHY
— -_- (@imnotbecca) August 11, 2019
3.
hate when stores sell shirts called "the boyfriend tee" honey boyfriend tees are FREE you think i'm just gonna BUY a big shirt??? no fucking way! i earned this Slaughterhouse Five t-shirt through months of gaslighting
— steph (@steph_mcca) August 15, 2019
4.
my mom when i me only getting
would threaten halfway down
to run away the block
pic.twitter.com/9xEqYOsRAJ— b (@doyalikebaileys) August 15, 2019
5.
trying to work on lower abs like: https://t.co/qyd1TuKmVb
— Maddy Skye (@MaddySkye) August 16, 2019
6.
we’re actually just really poor https://t.co/kabhNke55M
— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) August 14, 2019
7.
https://twitter.com/leemchoneyZim/status/1161974240524087296
8.
https://twitter.com/LitLynnnn/status/1161842983508987904
9.
https://twitter.com/aebxo/status/1161442088782893056
10.
In high school, I straddled a guy while we were making out until he threw me off of him and said “this isn’t what god wants for me”. Then we sat on opposite ends of the couch until my dad could pick me up https://t.co/Mg774rU8ir
— twitchy witchy girl (@AliyahCasey) August 16, 2019
11.
https://twitter.com/madamradams/status/1161863887957966849
12.
https://twitter.com/ginnyhogan_/status/1160915811269259264
13.
I love period dramas, I have one every month
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 11, 2019
14.
"Contouring is stupid"
-guy who grew a beard to hide his lack of chin— cas says free palestine (@CrappyFumes) August 15, 2019
15.
https://twitter.com/aparnapkin/status/1162176010290380801
16.
No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don't want to go in the first place.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 14, 2019
17.
https://twitter.com/crissymilazzo/status/1162020954303803394
18.
When you’re the only one who looks good in the group selfie pic.twitter.com/6fHT3AbeOR
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) August 12, 2019
19.
"So for my dish, I wanted to create that home-cooked taste, so I used the chicken I ordered for dinner last night, placed the leftover potatoes on top, mashed them both together, and then put it in the microwave for 2 minutes or until I heard explosions." – me on Top Chef
— anne t donahue (@annetdonahue) August 12, 2019
20.
https://twitter.com/rgay/status/1160635588212432897
21.
patient: i have a cough
dr house: first of all, fuck you…. your shoes… look a little loose. your hair, is ugly. chase check this man’s butthole for worms
dr chase: unbelievable… only the second ever case of butthole worms. how did y-
house: [playing air guitar on his cane]— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) August 16, 2019