While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us pee our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
me reading back my own writing. pic.twitter.com/cb4zlWjjIG
— sarah fowerbaugh (@sarfow11) August 12, 2019
2.
these names can’t be real pic.twitter.com/EiGGR2dNHY
— playboi carti please dm (@ibeshitposting) August 11, 2019
3.
hate when stores sell shirts called "the boyfriend tee" honey boyfriend tees are FREE you think i'm just gonna BUY a big shirt??? no fucking way! i earned this Slaughterhouse Five t-shirt through months of gaslighting
— steph mccann (@steph_mcca) August 15, 2019
4.
my mom when i me only getting
would threaten halfway down
to run away the block
pic.twitter.com/9xEqYOsRAJ— bailey (@doyalikebaileys) August 15, 2019
5.
trying to work on lower abs like: https://t.co/qyd1TuKmVb
— Maddy Skye (@MaddySkye) August 16, 2019
6.
we’re actually just really poor https://t.co/kabhNke55M
— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) August 14, 2019
7.
Being a baby must be traumatizing at times… Imagine going to sleep in your house and you wake up in Shoprite
😔😂😂— Lee Mchoney 💋💕 (@leemchoneyZim) August 15, 2019
8.
Me trying to find my friends at festivals pic.twitter.com/YYsQUhZ6sP
— Lynn.✨ (@LitLynnnn) August 15, 2019
9.
me in 2030 when it’s my turn to generate renewable energy for my street because old white men messed up the planet pic.twitter.com/68YV118RJA
— amme (@aebxo) August 14, 2019
10.
In high school, I straddled a guy while we were making out until he threw me off of him and said “this isn’t what god wants for me”. Then we sat on opposite ends of the couch until my dad could pick me up https://t.co/Mg774rU8ir
— twitchy witchy girl (@AliyahCasey) August 16, 2019
11.
Why is my dog also a therapist who is disappointed that you continue using humor to deflect as a means to avoid resolving conflict. pic.twitter.com/Q0jbWLBeCq
— rachel (@madamradams) August 15, 2019
12.
“No worries!!!” – no worries
“Ok, no worries!!”- I am slightly inconvenienced but this will blow over
“No worries” – I am pissed. Apologize.
“Oh, ok, no worries”- we are never speaking again— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) August 12, 2019
13.
I love period dramas, I have one every month
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 11, 2019
14.
"Contouring is stupid"
-guy who grew a beard to hide his lack of chin— Cathy Humes (@CrappyFumes) August 15, 2019
15.
shazam but for whether everyone is understanding the references in a conversation
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 16, 2019
16.
No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don't want to go in the first place.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 14, 2019
17.
dont talk to me until ive cum in my coffee https://t.co/FuyKJGcGMg
— crissy (@crissymilazzo) August 15, 2019
18.
When you’re the only one who looks good in the group selfie pic.twitter.com/6fHT3AbeOR
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) August 12, 2019
19.
"So for my dish, I wanted to create that home-cooked taste, so I used the chicken I ordered for dinner last night, placed the leftover potatoes on top, mashed them both together, and then put it in the microwave for 2 minutes or until I heard explosions." – me on Top Chef
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) August 12, 2019
20.
Every once in a while I think of the Instacart guy who interpreted 3 pounds of mushrooms as 3 individual mushrooms and how he handed them to me so gently and I hope he is doing well and is happy. I feel such tenderness for him.
— roxane gay (@rgay) August 11, 2019
21.
patient: i have a cough
dr house: first of all, fuck you…. your shoes… look a little loose. your hair, is ugly. chase check this man’s butthole for worms
dr chase: unbelievable… only the second ever case of butthole worms. how did y-
house: [playing air guitar on his cane]— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) August 16, 2019