While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us pee our pants. We do it because we like it.
Me when a guy says he regularly goes to therapy pic.twitter.com/oEszluNhJj
— Julie Greiner (@JulieAbridged) August 19, 2019
She was on a break https://t.co/W3sihPUWFF
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) August 20, 2019
You should be able to twist the bottom of the pringles can to bring the chips to the top like a chapstick
— ᴀᴠᴀ (@gIorifys) August 17, 2019
Seems unfair that never in my life have I sat next to a hot person on a plane and yet every person who’s ever sat next to me has.
— claire parker (@SorryDontClaire) August 21, 2019
Me to my friends: do not settle, be brave, ask for what you want!!!
Me as the waitress brings out the wrong order: looks perfect
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) August 17, 2019
[hushed voice] they DO move in herds https://t.co/RuEjeMM7DT
— Holly Anderson (@HollyAnderson) August 20, 2019
never asking her for a loan again pic.twitter.com/c5Xbf3NOWF
— aida (@shutupaida) August 16, 2019
1: Think you gotta keep her iced, you don’t.
2: Think shes gonna spend your cash, she won’t.
3: Think she wanna drive your Benz, she don't.
4: If she wanna floss, she got her own.
5: Even if you were broke, her love don't cost a thing. https://t.co/MWmpi2k10Y
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) August 20, 2019
men hitting on a painting pic.twitter.com/QW9BUpeYP5
— Kitty Wenham (@kittywenham) August 19, 2019
Me: I'll just do it this weekend.
Also me: It's the weekend. I should relax. I'll just do it next week.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 18, 2019
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go https://t.co/KAApOLeoBW
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) August 16, 2019
SSSSSSSSSomebody stop me! pic.twitter.com/geNIdvATVN
— maggie serota (@maggieserota) August 23, 2019
young adult novels really oversold how easy it would be for 5-10 people to topple a fascist regime
— i bless the rains down in castamere (@Chinchillazllla) August 21, 2019
— crissy (@crissymilazzo) August 21, 2019
Can’t wait for Christian Girl Autumn. Gonna wear my uggs and do anal cause it doesn’t count.
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) August 18, 2019
Me: dear god. Please destroy ICE and Amazon
God: yo I gotchu
God: *melts ice caps and starts burning the rainforest*
Me: wait no
— Baked Amanda (@theconradical) August 22, 2019
I want a healthy relationship with toxic relationship sex
— Gemini. (@_najab) August 16, 2019
being an adult is basically just lemon water and disappointment.
— my name is no. (@om_eye_goodness) August 19, 2019
feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream i should also be
— dewclaw (@whynowhy) August 22, 2019
Me: Here's the tea sis men in power over-relied on their "inherent masculinity" as a reason to consolidate their power & now that we're breaking down gender binaries their excuses are wearing thin hence the predatory nature of MRAs/White Supremacy
6 yr old cousin: Yay tea party!
— Maggie Mae Fish 🐟 (@MaggieMaeFish) August 19, 2019
Just followed a stranger around for 3 blocks bc he was whistling the Robin Hood rooster’s song so well. Please rescue me when I inevitably, voluntarily join a cult someday
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 22, 2019
Me, whispering and teary-eyed after reading the "Enjoy!" note at the end of my frozen dinner instructions: "Thank you, friend."
— Jessica Kane (@jesskane31) August 19, 2019
hot girl summer is over, make way for crab boy winter. scuttle about sideways. wave that one terrible big claw around. disgusting
— Deirdre (@figgled) August 22, 2019
More funny tweets, memes, and pictures:
- Jerks Tried To Blackmail Whitney Cummings Over A Nip Slip Pic, So She Shared It Herself
- Rob Lowe’s Son Won’t Stop Roasting His Dad On Instagram
- 21 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week
- 37 Things People Started Saying As ‘Bits’ But Quickly Became Their Real Lingo
- Tweet About Recommended A/C Temps Sparks Heated Debate On Twitter