Pleated Jeans
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Piss Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
me, as a child: I beat all my sisters at hide and seek today!
my dad: that’s good, but your brother Daniel is the reigning champ
me: who
— jo (@whatsJo) September 11, 2019
2.
men accepting my love and commitment:pic.twitter.com/T9XAeGJfKZ
— Pallavi does #DirtyScience 👇🏾 (@PallaviGunalan) September 8, 2019
3.
So I walk into the bathroom and this girl stops me from entering the stall and says:
“Sorry I couldn’t help but notice your earrings, are you from Texas??”
These are the earrings I was wearing: pic.twitter.com/YLIkrQD2uD
— arehoyt (@sendhalewa) September 5, 2019
4.
https://twitter.com/AbbyHasIssues/status/1172298108463484928
5.
https://twitter.com/vibewithgabb/status/1172213415479316480
6.
Nothing makes me feel like a founding father like still remembering how to write in cursive.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 10, 2019
7.
https://twitter.com/House_Feminist/status/1171123291488079872
8.
{store in my neighborhood closes down}
spirit halloween: pic.twitter.com/xsyPdB9aw7— kim (@KimmyMonte) September 12, 2019
9.
Doctors make you strip down to your underwear so they'll be less nervous
— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) September 12, 2019
10.
https://twitter.com/CoriBarnard1/status/1170465773887688704
11.
https://twitter.com/cloudyyxp_/status/1170764656807469060
12.
https://twitter.com/spinubzilla/status/1161492910300381184
13.
I don't like puppies. I like old, serious dogs who put a paw on your arm as if to say "30 years ago, I buried a bag of unmarked bills outside Reno. Get the car keys."
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 1, 2019
14.
Can't wait for winter so i can start dressin' https://t.co/F72nfgI92A
— Whacktose Intolerant (@MillyTamarez) September 12, 2019
15.
https://twitter.com/natashaleggero/status/1171448607733477376
16.
I’m hot but I’ll NEVER be “bored hostess at a restaurant” hot
— Stewart&Chill (@Stewartandchill) September 7, 2019
17.
I…….made matching shirts for me and my cat pic.twitter.com/n5DBT4d8Uc
— errrrrrrrrrrin (@errrrrrrrrrrin) September 11, 2019
18.
who did it better? like for drake, retweet for my dad. pic.twitter.com/rUMcJcF4mZ
— emma :^) (@emmamorris_35) September 12, 2019
19.
I am a full grown, reasonably competent adult woman, but I still believe if there are only two cookies left you've got to eat both of them, or the one remaining cookie will be lonely.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) September 8, 2019
20.
FRIENDSHIP is not between a man and a woman. FRIENDSHIP is between a hot blonde and an unconventionally attractive brunette!!
— lana schwartz (@_lanabelle) September 11, 2019
21.
Joe Biden looks like the kind of dude who goes fucking nuts when Sweet Caroline comes on at a wedding
— Tam Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) September 13, 2019
22.
https://twitter.com/DebraDiGiovanni/status/1171678704621117440
23.
https://twitter.com/cherryemoticon/status/1169750818939113472