Mike
These guys fumbled so royally with their future wives, it’s a miracle they closed the deal. There’s hope for you yet, you awkward weirdo.
1.
”Accidentally set her hair on fire with a match while lighting a cigarette. Not good. We are still married 29 years later. I don’t smoke anymore.”
–stumpytoes
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”For our second date I had invited her out with myself and some friends to celebrate a friend getting a job. I drank. Heavily. She was my DD. She drove me home and as she pulled up to the curb I threw open the door, rolled out of the car, and vomited into the gutter. She then offered to help me cross the street, to which I responded by yelling “I’M DISGUSTING” and sprinting across the street. Once inside, I brushed my teeth aggressively. She asked what I was doing and I told her I needed to clean my mouth so I could kiss her. After I was done, I walked to my room, laid down, and immediately fell asleep. She spent the night to make sure I was okay.”
–andrewguenther
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”My uncle didn’t call his now-wife for over a year after they first met and he got her number. He kept the paper she wrote it on and ended up finding it and calling her asking if she still remembered him and was still interested in going on a date.”
–GlennCloseButNoCigar
7.
”On our first dinner date, my husband ordered a shit ton of food to show me his favorites at an Indian restaurant – and forgot his wallet at home, and only discovered doing so when the check had arrived.
Cleared me out well over a hundred bucks and he was absolutely mortified, but we’ve been married for near two years so…”
–aaerlevsedi
8.
”She was about to sneeze and she was sitting half on my lap so I kinda thought she was gonna sneeze on me and idk what I was thinking but I put my hand up to block her sneeze except I had a glass in my hand and I blocked her own hand from covering her sneeze and instead she slammed her face into my glass.”
–MapleDanish
9.
”The night I met my husband, he stared at me while I was sleeping. For 4 hours straight. It’s been 3 years. He still stares at me until I scold him for it. Then he waits until he thinks I won’t notice and starts staring again. I love him to the moon and back, even though he’d sure as hell stare at me the entire trip.”
–UnluckyResponse
10.
”We drank a lot on our second date, Ubered home. Next day went back to get his car, and it wasn’t there. He was so devastated. He just bought it recently and it was stolen. We filed a police report. Took forever and just generally sucked. We walked to his friend’s house nearby, and there was his car, perfectly un-stolen.”
–loveofmoz
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”We had come back from class, her dorm was right next to the school so we walked over. Started as studying and then turned into kissing.
Once we were horizontal, I felt a shift in my guts. I took a chance; most of my gas that day had been dry and silent so it felt safe. As soon as I let it go, I knew I was in trouble.
As I stood up and she repulsively sniffed the air. She asked if I let one rip. I simply said I shit myself and needed a ride home. We went to the movies as planned afterward.
Pretty sure that’s when I fell in love.”
–psychnurseguy
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”When we were dating, my husband and I were holding hands when he had to cough. Instead of letting go of my hand and covering his mouth, he continued to hold on, brought it up to his mouth and coughed into my hand. It was a dry cough. If it was anything more I would have run.”
–RegularLisaSimpson