While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Piss Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
No one:
Nothing at all:
No threatening input whatsoever:My brain: pic.twitter.com/d3UtoZ0cEt
— Sarah Gailey (@gaileyfrey) September 19, 2019
2.
the last time i went to urgent care i checked off “excessive crying” on the symptom list and the nurse got really confused and told me that was meant for babies
— oatly barista blend sommelier (@BUGPOSTING) September 18, 2019
3.
If you’re having a bad day, watch this pic.twitter.com/LwrV5ETDZy
— chan (@chandlarschmidt) September 19, 2019
4.
https://twitter.com/theyloveNoonie/status/1174027301165490183
5.
6.
When I was 12, I remember my friends stepdad (who was a firefighter) comment on how he felt women didn’t belong in the fire department because “no girl could ever lift a grown man” lol anyways, fuck you Craig. pic.twitter.com/C4dU0MOtW5
— Dani (@dani_g_3) September 12, 2019
7.
Ok it’s 1am, finally time to stop watching tv on my laptop and GO TO BED and watch tv on my phone
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) September 19, 2019
8.
i put falsies on my belly and then laughed about it for 3 minutes straight
my tummy said UwU lmfao pic.twitter.com/kdkfxQc3nX— keeks (@mommakeeks) September 15, 2019
9.
Don’t have a bookmark? Try using a taco. (Actual photo of an actual book found in the book drop at my library in Indiana a few years back) pic.twitter.com/yU9jrKoFkF
— @[email protected] (@miss_amandamae) September 14, 2019
10.
https://twitter.com/CA_AUA/status/1173709770852900865
11.
one time a guy rubbed my coochie over my leggings for not even 30 seconds, stopped, looked me dead in my eyes and asked “did I get ya?”
— mr. bitch (@eboybitch) September 16, 2019
12.
doctor doolittle is *the worst*, yet it contains cinema's greatest minute pic.twitter.com/nZRgY3Db9b
— Neely O'Horror (@_katiestebbins_) September 17, 2019
13.
i don’t like the person i become when i’m tracking a ups package
— daddy long legs xx (@ELLASCHU) September 15, 2019
14.
15.
I unprivated my twitter bc if my bosses find me they find me. Why are u even looking? Ugh u wanna kiss me so bad
— afsana (@existentialkale) September 18, 2019
16.
Why do we change what pants look like every two years … please just let me rest
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) September 16, 2019
17.
Bryce Dallas Howard when Jessica Chastain arrived on the scene
pic.twitter.com/mdSY2CsY72— Lizzie Molyneux (@LizzieMolyneux) September 18, 2019
18.
the phone camera arms race really overestimates the degree to which i want to see my own face in high definition
— Chelsea Fagan (@Chelsea_Fagan) September 19, 2019
19.
accessories can really boost a woman’s self confidence. for example I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times
— emily ✨ (@uhhmmily) September 19, 2019
20.
did you know Washington, D.C. is short for "washington is da capital"
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) September 17, 2019
21.
Blink-182 Me after three
whiteclaws
🤝
Say it ain’t so. I will not go.
Turn the lights off. Carry me home.— sage ❤️🔥 (@sageandrage) September 20, 2019
22.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
23.
a lunchable is charcuterie if you’re not a fucking classist
— ev o’driscoll (@nomunnynohunny) September 15, 2019