There were so many good tweets to choose from this week I found 15 pretty quickly. The worse the world looks, the funnier people get. Let’s all laugh the fear away together!
dads be like “go help ur mother” bro go help ur wife
— gunass (@OBLOMOVITE) October 1, 2019
Okay, let’s settle this once and for all: if Belle has sex with the Beast while he’s in Beastmode, is it bestiality?
— Lindsay Ellis (@thelindsayellis) October 3, 2019
[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
— brent (@murrman5) October 1, 2019
[at a restaurant]
woman: and i’ll have that without cheese
me: *leaning my entire body into the waiters line of sight from a neighboring table* i’ll have her cheese
— erin chack (@ErinChack) October 2, 2019
It’s time to revive the legendary tweets pic.twitter.com/GJQgpjr2dW
— 🎃👻 Spooktine 👻🎃 (@little_paisano) October 1, 2019
ladies & gentlemen, i present to you my dads halloween costume pic.twitter.com/E9mJ6zJwig
— ashlyn (@AshlynDanyela) September 30, 2019
the fact that this is one of the funniest moments in cinematic history pic.twitter.com/NUp6unmELi
— Big Beowbz??? (@myskinsmylogo) October 1, 2019
Me: should I just text him again?
— (@kayyorkcity) September 30, 2019
me my bananas
slowly rotting in my house
— normal and relaxed (@InternetHippo) September 29, 2019
Funeral food be so good I be forgetting who the fuck died
— Darius (@fuckDariuss) September 27, 2019
REMINDER: Beginning October 1, clowns must be licensed and vaccinated.
— DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) October 1, 2019
date: can you take off your work gloves
Jim Henson: they have names
— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) October 4, 2019
guy: its beautiful. quick question tho why are their dicks so small
michelangelo: they aren’t small lol
michelangelo: [nervous] wait are they small
— randy corn (@leakypod) October 3, 2019
Any 3 things can be a sandwich
— Jeff is Tall (@JeffisTallguy) October 1, 2019
wife, giving birth: we have got to get to the hospital ASAP
me: who’s all gonna be there
— bad boy (@badboychadhoy) October 3, 2019