I like to have a few random facts under my belt whenever I have to attend an event. That way, if the conversation ever takes a dip, I can be like “Did you know Vin Diesel was in Saving Private Ryan?” Then someone calls, bullshit, I tell them to Google it, and then I look interesting. I am not.
What’s more relatable than food? I guarantee any of these will work if you find yourself at a loss in conversation. That is unless you really don’t want to be in the conversation. In that case, I just tell the person I’ve never seen The Wire and tune out for 10 minutes or so. Works every time.
1. Just in case you wanted to get your ass kicked in Central Appalachia.
2. Usually when melons are that expensive they’re made of silicone.
3. Everyone jumping on the 23&Me bandwagon.
4. Yeah but the fevered dump I take the next day burns 4,000.
5. So you’re saying a Cinnabon is healthy, got it.
6. I thought that’s what wasabi was.
7. Is this the start of a limerick?
8. Corn has OCD.
9. Also known as death cake.
10. Hi, yeah, I’m gonna order off-menu…
11. I’ll have the ranch.
12. And tastes like a $17 pizza.
13. From the country that brought you Godzilla and vending machines with teenage girls’ used panties.
14. Yeah, I heard Hitler is still alive there too.
15. It’ll get you pretty far with me.
16. Look out, shampoo/conditoner/bodywash. There’s a new game in town.