Pleated Jeans
Being a teacher is a lot of work—no matter what age your students are. But, when you’re teaching high school, you’re essentially teaching full grown teenagers (and some adults). While kids may be hard to control, trying to keep up with the slang, the technology, the fashion, and the drama can be exhausting. Take it from me, I actually teach high school and, it’s no day at the beach. That’s why us HS teachers have our own, dirty little secrets and habits we keep so near and dear to our hearts. Like, these wonderful fellow teachers on Reddit—I’m definitely stealing some of these.
1.
Yes, I put you in a group with the kid you have a crush on intentionally. I’m stuck here with you 180 days a year, I want to see some drama.
2.
Your parents are literally the worst part of my job.
3.
I’d let you get away with so much more if you were actually a decent person who treated others with kindness and respect. Assholes rarely get the benefit of doubt or indifference.
4.
The weed smell doesn’t magically disappear between the parking lot and my classroom.
5.
If your parents email a teacher and argue with them, the whole staff knows. (At least at my school).
6.
Yelling “fuck!” in the hallways doesn’t make you a badass. Teachers are yelling fuck in their heads all day long.
7.
That we have much better hearing than you assume. We just choose our battles as it pertains to inappropriate comments. And sometimes I pretend not to see that thing you did just because I too found it humorous, and speaking to you about it would only result in me cracking up.
8.
When you think you are being genius by getting me to talk about random things at the beginning of class instead of “teaching”, I’m really allowing it to happen b/c I don’t have enough planned to cover a full class.
9.
Yes, we have a new seating chart… and yes, I sat you next to her because I can tell you have a crush on her. I noticed you try harder on your work when she is around, and to be honest… you two would make a cute couple 🙂
10.
That my students are the reason why I am second-guessing having my own kids.
11.
Please stop juuling in the classrooms that’s what the bathrooms are for.
12.
That it’s just as weird for me as it is for you when we bump into each other in public.
13.
I teach middle school, not high school, but for me, it’s that I know shit sucks at home. I see it every day when you come into my class. I see the tears you’re hiding, the pain behind that class clown smile, the emotional fragility behind your tough-guy persona. I know exactly what it’s like to come from a broken home. I wish I could do something, but until you come to me, all I can do is try and let you know, with a look, a smile, a subtle turn of phrase, that I’m always there for you when you need an ear, or a shoulder.
14.
You’re unique, you’re not special. Set your goals high but understand that if you change your goals to needs, you will have a lifetime of disappointment.
15.
The odds of you using any specific piece of knowledge you learn in high school is slim. The odds of you using some piece of knowledge from high school is near absolute and you have no idea what it’s going to be or when it will happen, so you may as well try at all of it. The biggest thing you’re going to learn is how to learn.
16.
Your sense of entitlement is most likely acquired from your upbringing, so parent teacher conferences to discuss your grades aren’t going to do shit when the parents just blame us, despite you putting in little to zero effort.
17.
To my freshmen, yes I always know when you didn’t do my math because you stayed up late playing Fortnite, you added me as a friend on Epic so I see that. Also the amount of homework not done in lower grades when new battlepasses come out is so coincidental.
To a specific freshman, I support your desire to become a streamer, but editing videos should not keep you away from your homework for a whole week and your friends always rat you out when you stay home/skip to make/edit those videos.
To all highschoolers I teach, you’re dumb, but I do love you guys. I’m not stupid and while I know you cheat on your homework, I don’t care since it’s only worth 10% of your grade and you’re forgoing the practice you can get before the test.
18.
I don’t care that you came to class stoned. Just stop interrupting class, and for gods sake, don’t touch any power tools while you’re stoned.
19.
I hate the texts as much as you do, but everyone just shrugs when I suggest changing them up! I’m sorry they made us keep that awful After book on the list, I genuinely offered to buy them all back from students so I could burn the waste of time that they are.
20.
A lot of us probably drink, smoke, sleep around, etc more than you do, and hearing you talking about it and trying to hide it as if its something we wouldn’t know about is richly ironic.
21.
If you are stupid enough to have filmed yourself doing something that can get you in trouble, especially legal trouble, for the love of God don’t post it online.
22.
One of the most valuable lessons I can teach you is to fake looking busy.
If we’re supposed to be working on an assignment or reading or whatever, and you see me coming your way… At the least have a piece of paper on your desk and a pen in your hand and some shit on your paper, and then I won’t bother you. If you have nothing going on and can’t even be bothered to make it look like you’re trying, I’m heading your way.
This lesson will be invaluable with eventual bosses someday.
23.
Yes, I do have favorite students. No, I won’t tell you who they are because that would discourage you, but yes they’re probably who you imagine them to be.
24.
You can be unsuccessful at school but successful in life. I pretend that it is important for you to do well in my subject, but in reality you’ll most probably find your niche in life and be reasonably content or hopefully extremely happy. You might hate Maths, English, Science, but turn out to be the most amazing parent, artist, carpenter or even a mathematician, playwright or researcher. You might get the lowest scores in class and end up being the most successful of your peers. I feign annoyance, anger, disappointment. I reluctantly phone your parents, give you detentions, or write up critical reports. I have to, it’s my job. If you do well in my subject then that’s great, but if you don’t then just relax. We can’t all be good at everything.
Oh, and do you think you hate exams, tests and homework? Your mild dislike of the work is a mere candle flame compared to the hatred that burns like a million suns, that I feel when I have to fucking mark it.