Mike
You want ’em, I got ’em. The best tweets of the week.
1.
— awr (@awr_hey) February 27, 2020
2.
Tracy Chapman- Fast Car pic.twitter.com/TK9Gms3PaV
— javelina running to (@javelinarunning) February 27, 2020
3.
$5 a week has been coming out of my bank for months and i only just realized i adopted a kangaroo named Poppy on New Year’s Eve while i was destroyed
— peytøn (@peytnhaag) February 26, 2020
4.
Look what we did to wolves https://t.co/ediCp76yDt
— Jaya Saxena (@jayasax) February 25, 2020
5.
“Capitalism breeds innovation.” pic.twitter.com/sw5Rqub7NZ
— p s y c h i c d o l p h i n g a r a g e (@DolphinGarage) February 25, 2020
6.
Telling the girl I like that I think about her every day but leaving out the part where I also think about like, lunch, or a picture I saw of a hedgehog wearing a little hat with the same frequency
— Your Dad (@InternetHippo) February 26, 2020
7.
My lawyer talmbout “My client can pass a drug screen TODAY” Jeff Jeff chill out
— I’m not from 63rd (@Gresham2x) February 25, 2020
8.
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) February 25, 2020
9.
great news everyone! the moon has a small girlfriend pic.twitter.com/4knA06crqC
— kimmy (@ka_waltz) February 26, 2020
10.
This is that vanishingly rare occasion when someone says “fun fact” and then tells you something that is just insanely fun pic.twitter.com/L5KZDUlmIt
— Rosa Lyster (@rosalyster) February 26, 2020
11.
Got to the subway platform just as the train doors were closing and tried to pry them open, but everyone on board banded together to push the doors closed so I couldn’t get on. When the train left without me everyone cheered
— Rajat Suresh (@rajat_suresh) February 17, 2020
12.
Bernie is going to make it illegal for my girlfriend to refer to me playing Pokemon as “making your little bugs fight each other”
— Zach Dunn (@zachbdunn) February 23, 2020
13.
Friend: Jazz is all about the notes you DON’T play
[Midnight, dead silence]
Me: I love this song
— the drake gatsby ✈️🇯🇲 (@DrakeGatsby) February 23, 2020
14.
For the love of god UNMUTE THIS pic.twitter.com/MA48mit8MX
— Nerd Girl Says (@Rachael_Conrad) February 23, 2020
15.
were you lured into an oversized bird cage by following a cookie pulled along the street on a string? you may be entitled to financial compensation
— tzu öyster cult (@suntzufuntzu) February 21, 2020