Mike
The 25 best tweets I had time to find this week and considering the circumstances, I had A LOT of time, so these tweets are pretty good.
1.
I want an HGTV show called “How Do You Like Your Open Concept Now?”
— Lara Dodds (@LaraDodds) April 9, 2020
2.
I feel like I’m on an airplane all I do is eat snacks, watch movies I’ve already seen and drink chardonnay at 2pm
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) April 9, 2020
3.
dr pepper just lost her medical license. 😔 now she’s just ms pepper. 😂 bet you thought i was going to say mr pepper! 😒 no. ✋🛑 dr pepper has been a woman this whole time. 😜 unlearn your internal biases!👩⚕️ she lost her license for throwing a baby in the trash ⛹️♀️👶
— kt 🦍 (@kochsister) April 10, 2020
4.
Someone should check on Foot Locker pic.twitter.com/J1ljiDQC4b
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) April 9, 2020
5.
I discovered when you combine all of one person’s Jeopardy interviews you get a David Lynch movie. pic.twitter.com/tr6Xg41JDo
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) April 10, 2020
6.
Wow. This is Chicago, IL where the bean’s babies have finally returned after not being seen for over 100 years. The earth is healing, we are the virus. pic.twitter.com/vDeojTAB9j
— casey (@CaseyIwanski) April 6, 2020
7.
Someone in my running group ran a marathon in his driveway. All 26.2. I would literally go insane. pic.twitter.com/67a8L88zeN
— Mackenzie (@coffeeshopjihad) April 7, 2020
8.
well my new license plate came in today… wish i could say i paid extra as some sort of sick joke but no. i just so happen to have the worlds worst luck. pic.twitter.com/AFdj4zkJXN
— liza (@lizardwt) April 6, 2020
9.
the only way to truly enjoy someones Instagram story is if ur completely in love with them or U want them dead. everything in between its like…what is going on here
— helena (@freshhel) April 6, 2020
10.
My horses disappointment of dropping her apple… pic.twitter.com/9pVIBRvCya
— Ell (@elllenrebecca) April 4, 2020
11.
Today I made a Zoom background of myself accidentally walking in on myself in a Zoom meeting. pic.twitter.com/Rl2AsjfZ7V
— Dan Crowd (@itsdancrowd) April 3, 2020
12.
TJ MAXX should do curbside pickup. You pay $40 and a robot pushes a random pile of stuff through a slot. You get what you get.
— Eric Dadourian (@ericdadourian) April 9, 2020
13.
Cars is still such a badass movie. I wish my dad’s truck had a mouth
— Thomas (@len0killer) April 10, 2020
14.
Ah, shit. Not again. What’d he do this time? pic.twitter.com/vObrpGsrJ0
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) April 8, 2020
15.
resident evil: what if a fucked up guy walked toward you
— fine – parasite (@aglayalilich) April 6, 2020
16.
Jar Jar Binks after seeing you bench press 250lbs: https://t.co/TkZUGN2Fcc
— – ̗̀ New! ̖́- Goose Boose (@Goosenpai) April 6, 2020
17.
His lifespan is that of a redwood tree. He can see into the future as clear as he can reflect on the past. He is a celestial being that knows when and how we all die. He eats oatmeal for every meal. pic.twitter.com/0UnK0UfuiT
— Aol.com (@lukasbattle) April 7, 2020
18.
damn book aint playing! pic.twitter.com/ur7lz7KI1d
— kdot ➐ (@just_kdot) April 7, 2020
19.
My wife gave our son a whole chicken leg last night for dinner, the look of pure joy on his face made my whole day. pic.twitter.com/tP0rNPTdzS
— A happier day (@AHappierDay) April 4, 2020
20.
The goal of capitalism is to become so successful that your children fuckin suck
— James Colley (@JamColley) April 4, 2020
21.
My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it’s called “Why Are You Doing It That Way?” and there are no winners
— Eric Spiegelman (@ericspiegelman) April 4, 2020
22.
Some sports are slower. More about the strategy. pic.twitter.com/JMBaGJ1tSd
— Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) April 9, 2020
23.
When I was 19 I worked at Staples. They showed us an anti-union video during training. That was the day I realized it’s okay to steal from work
— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) April 8, 2020
24.
WHERE DOES HIS SHIRT TUCK IN pic.twitter.com/JncXcZH2bI
— uncle adam (@ThatAdamKid) April 7, 2020
25.
Small Popcorn was $ 54.56 they ain’t had No emergency savings ? https://t.co/AkLDUGlozX
— 🤴🏾 Zoe Sauvage 🇭🇹 (@i_kevsl) April 6, 2020