Hannah
Imagine how straight-up unlucky you have to be if your mom decides the time to name you is the EXACT moment she is going to let her freak flag fly.
Why couldn’t she simply get a lower back tattoo of “Yo’Majesty” with angel wings instead of cursing you with it forever? And how come as a society have decided it’s against the rules to name your kid after WWII dictators but we don’t back the line up a little further and intervene when someone is about to be named Queef?
And truly, now that we’re evaluating names, let’s really talk about “Garth” as well.
People are sharing the most “horrible and ridiculous” names they’ve ever heard parents choose for their children. Here are some of them whose childhood was an absolute breeze and definitely had no problem finding romantic partners:
1. Three times the name, three times the fun for MMEGrey:
I went to high school with a guy named John John John. Yes, his first name, middle name and last name were all “John”.
2. Both born wearing a jean vest, confirmed by Idonediditdonedidit:
An ex had friends who named their kids Haight and Rayge (hate and rage). Good luck kids.
3. Disney character inspiration from Boxboy7:
I work at a college and often go through the new applications to process them, I’ve seen all kinds.
Most ridiculous name I’ve seen thus far though:
Starscream Anakin as his first and middle names. He has a normal last name. When I first saw it, I was certain that it was a kid fucking with our application system. Then I met him in person, and he showed me his ID.
His name is legally Starscream Anakin. I get the Anakin part, but of all the Transformers to name your kid after, why on Earth make it Starscream? He was just awful.
4. A little stress thinking about 12 kids from MelyssaRave:
My neighbor was the 12th kid. His parents named him Twelver. That’s gotta be the worst I’ve ever seen.
5. Huge fitness inspo from TheSanityInspector:
I once encountered a plump young woman whose name, according to her ID, was Rotunda.
6. A lot of red flags from happykitty05:
When I was pregnant my now exMIL wanted me to name our son “Rock” which is stupid as it is but the last name is Bowler so my son’s name would be Rock Bowler and I couldn’t do that to the poor kid. My ex thought it would be funny to name him Rocky with the middle name Bal so his name would be Rocky Bal Bowler…
7. A whole lot of yee-haw from mrsrariden:
Had a little boy in my program named Rowdy. Eh… kind of rednecky but, whatever.
Then I found out his older brother is named Howdy! WTF?
Found out later that the older boys legal name is Howard. That’s less ridiculous, at least.
8. Ideas to make sure your child moves too quickly in relationships from SilentDoggo:
Baby girl
Yes this was their legal name
9. This person, whom high school was a breeze for from fijiloo:
queeth
10. A reminder that our ancestors are idiots from maggggy:
My mother is a genealogist and discovered that my great great great something grandparents were named Lettuce and Nimrod. A power couple.
Update: I spoke with my mom and she said that her name was Lettice with an i so y’all were right. And it probably wasn’t pronounced “lettuce” like I imagined but rather latitia or something. They were married around the 1840’s! The joys of genealogy!
11. This viable presidential candidate from cdgal38382:
Lihburtee
12. Ways to get quickly denied for scholarships from Nikkus430:
Some friends of mine in high school knew a girl named Cash Money. Met her once and she said her name with some made up accent.
One recently I ran into was Kaideynse.
13. A quick grammar lesson from betterannamac:
Had a boy in our school named Avonté. Pronounced Avont. Mother insisted the accent made the e silent. She would come completely unglued when anyone said his name wrong. Lady, that’s “Avontay”
Update: IKR?! I have no idea why she didn’t just leave off the e altogether. The sad thing is, she really really thought it would make it silent. She was really angry about it. If she were a nicer person I would have felt sorry for her as I’m sure no one really challenged it until he got to school and people saw it written versus just hearing it. It got to be where after pre-K we’d warn each teacher about how to pronounce it so spare them the wrath and the incorrect grammar lesson from mom but no one could help it.
14. From the_eric:
I went to high school with a guy named Zip Daub.
His middle name was Adydo.
They named that motherfucker Zip Adydo Daub.
15. Someone who is bad at keeping secrets from Emebust:
Okay Arthur Doak. We called him Okay. He was the youngest of 5 kids.
Fancy (named after the Reba song) and her sister Truly (named after Truly Scrumptious from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang)
Secretlove. She was a kid my mom met when my mom worked at a pediatrician’s office. Secretlove’s mom laid out the whole story to my mom about the name.
16. This really moving tribute from dr302:
Mia Khalifa, but a boy…
17. Man, their mom seems like a real Dick– from paintedbyfailure:
My friend went to high school with Richard Noggin.
18. Like drunk typing in your phone and hope it just “gets you” –from yongf:
The neighbour of my dad’s ex had a son and daughter called Blaiyz (blaze) and Ainjayl (angel). I don’t understand the strange spelling.
19. This crime against hump day from shorthodur17:
Wednesday Passion. That was a little girl i use to babysit.
20. This kind group who stepped in from PurpleMerple:
The kid’s name was William. Unfortunately for the kid, he had a nickname that was spelled “Liam.” That doesn’t sound so bad until you hear the pronunciation: “Yum.” Like, “Will-Yum.” They called their child “Yum” and spelled it “Liam.” No teacher in my classes with him could ever say his name correctly, so he eventually gave up and we all called him the normal-sounding Liam.
21. I overestimated our education system again–from PoignantUltimatum:
Well… let’s just say that the state I live in doesn’t have a significant english-speaking population, especially in the rural regions, despite the official language of the country ( India) being English and most of the urban population being educated. However; I have friends whose parents gave them names like “Benadryl”, “Goodbye”, “Very helpful” and the absolute worst “Dishwasher”. This, however is because people from the rural regions ( especially in the North-East) come to the cities, and see words in ads and billboards that they find pretty and innocently name their children after a variety of brands. I don’t always blame them, I had a family friend who came off as very posh and educated, spoke perfect English… but named his daughter Darth Vader. Some of them are just trolling. Do not underestimate people of the hills; they don’t take your bullshit, educated or otherwise.
22. Their father was actually a horse– from InRustWeTrust:
Saw a mother at the grocery store with two annoying rowdy kids named Dillinger and Maverick. They drove away in a lifted pickup truck, I imagine the father is a total dicknose.
23. I hope they have reconsidered her name after the series finale– from Viiibrations:
A family friend named his son “Sir” and it’s pretty cringe. Honorable mention goes to the former coworker who named his daughter Khaleesi.
Edit : also knew a stripper whose real name was Curiosity. Her parents doomed her.
24. I’m sure trying to buy their first beer went swimmingly- from luscious_j:
My mom worked in a maternity ward and a family with the last name “Dollar” named thier infant child “Needa”…poor kid
25. A little too much information from aliyvonne:
Chevy, because he was conceived in the bed of a Chevy truck.
26. Jared Fogel’s kid from Sovtek95:
My favorite I saw while working as a banker was…
Subway Club Allah Is Supreme Middle Name (last name)
His parents named him this and he wanted a loan to open a weed store in a state where it is illegal.
To clarify his middle name is Middle Name, i forgot the last name, but it was just a normal last name
27. These incredible names for golden retrievers from _incredigirl_:
Met a kid named Beau once. Learned later he had a twin brother named Arrow.
28. A biblical crime from Who_is_lost:
Neighbours kid is called Exodus, I thought that was weird. Then again his mothers name is peaches
(TBH I think both Exodus and Peaches are awesome names)
29. This quick reminder to shave from lubodogg:
A girl I went to high school was named martini and her last name was Pitts. She also had a brother named Harold. Guess what they called him..
Harry! Harry Pitts!
30. Maybe he’s royalty? From Exciting-Shirt:
Gaylord
31. A real bummer backstory from HiJane72:
Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. Yes that really was her name – her parents lost custody of her (yes way!) so her name could be legally changed. In NZ we are not allowed to name children after royalty (e.g. no King, Count, Earl etc) but sure go ahead and name your kid Number 16 Bus Shelter….Proof – http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/546018/Court-orders-name-change and https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10523288
32. This incredibly good name if she ends up hot from sisof2:
I know a girl named Random. While at an Easter egg hunt years ago (eggs were labeled for each kid), I took the eggs labeled Random thinking they were up for grabs. Random’s parents were unamused to say the least. Maybe they should have considered the consequences before picking that dreadful name.
33. It took less than 5 minutes for kids to realize it rhymes with tinkle– from ninja_6ix9ine
Sprinkle cause she looked like a little sprinkle when she was born…so they say
34. I think the issue I’m having is that I know how to read– from bandaidfortheheart
Stuvwxy.. pronounced as Sky….