Hannah
Everyone needs a good laugh right now. Things are pretty serious on Twitter right now, and for good reason, so I went ahead and found some older funny tweets from women to share. Don’t forget to follow some of these amazing ladies!
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us pee our pants. We do it because we like it.
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It’s important to shower every day. Blow out that hair. Put on office clothes. Pretend to type up some reports. Refer to everyone as your “new client.” End all phone calls with “Here’s my card.” Ask yourself for a raise. If you say no, embezzle. Right now it’s all about self-care
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) March 21, 2020
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4 million Americans are gonna die and trumps gonna brag he created 4 million jobs
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 22, 2020
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The best slide from Cuomo's press conference today. Possibly the best slide ever. pic.twitter.com/WjOdXQJlfn
— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) March 22, 2020
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sucks that the machine I use to write also has a function where you can shop for a new duvet cover for 3 hours
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) December 29, 2019
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The suburbs are powerful. No matter how strong you think you are, by day two you’re eating dinner at 4 and asking what the weather’s looking like tomorrow
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) December 30, 2019
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One time I ate so much Trader Joe’s tzaziki while I was babysitting that the next day there was a post-it note on it that said “for the kids only” and that’s just one beautiful beautiful moment in my colorful history
— Rachel Wenitsky (@RachelWenitsky) January 4, 2020
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The accuracy🤣 pic.twitter.com/3CQBt9cLYx
— 𝓜𝓲𝓪👱🏽♀️💎™️ (@lavish_lashelle) December 27, 2019
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[5 PM]: Come in. Thanks for coming over.
[6 PM]: I’m so happy we were able to get together.
[7 PM]: This is so much fun.
[8 PM]: We should do this again.
[9 PM]: I’m going to need you to get the fuck out of my house now.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 2, 2020
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if i EVER find out a magic school bus is inside me exploring i will be livid
— hellstar (@poniesandsodies) December 4, 2019
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the last time i went to urgent care i checked off “excessive crying” on the symptom list and the nurse got really confused and told me that was meant for babies
— rachel (@BUGPOSTING) September 18, 2019
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one time a guy rubbed my coochie over my leggings for not even 30 seconds, stopped, looked me dead in my eyes and asked “did I get ya?”
— handmade grandpa (@coolkidjacy) September 16, 2019
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"So for my dish, I wanted to create that home-cooked taste, so I used the chicken I ordered for dinner last night, placed the leftover potatoes on top, mashed them both together, and then put it in the microwave for 2 minutes or until I heard explosions." – me on Top Chef
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) August 12, 2019
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Being a baby must be traumatizing at times… Imagine going to sleep in your house and you wake up in Shoprite
😔😂😂— Lee Mchoney 💋💕 (@leemchoneyZim) August 15, 2019
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me: y’all fr be catering to grown ass men??? smh
my bf: my neck hurts I think I slept on it funny
me: pic.twitter.com/GDVQsdcTlE
— RUBY (@rubysoleiI) July 30, 2019
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Witnessed the best party exit of my life yesterday: an adult told the six-year-old, “I like your unicorn backpack.” The girl paused on the steps and, without even casting a backwards glance, said, “Maybe you can get one someday.” Then she disappeared through the doggy door
— Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) July 28, 2019
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Giants Strippers
🤝
Grinding men’s bones to make their bread— cas says free palestine (@CrappyFumes) August 1, 2019
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Somehow all of the neighborhood cats managed to get into our trampoline… pic.twitter.com/rRAjgCuuAr
— Bailey (@baileyhall2424) July 6, 2019
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guys be like “I’m so much smarter than you because I’m talking in a calm, monotoned demeanor and I rarely show emotion, I win”
— Leighsandra (@FKAlisy) July 9, 2019
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I think penguins are spot on. I have no notes for penguins. Flawless. Effortless. Design. Story. Humor. Forward motion. Cohesiveness. A triumph of bird.
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) July 8, 2019
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— iris (@towotz) May 2, 2020