Hannah
The world feels like it’s one foot out the door with half of businesses open. Some people are still stuck in Zoom meeting hell and other people are back at the bars again. It’s making for a weird mix of jokes on Twitter but these people are still totally pulling it off. Here are some tweets from women this week that might make you laugh… or maybe just do that sharp-exhale-through-your-nose thing.
1.
Just realized there has never been an easier time for teenagers to buy beer with a fake ID. “Oh that doesn’t look like me? Really? You can tell just from the eyes? No I will NOT take my mask off.”
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) June 18, 2020
2.
At this point, I've basically got a Zoom prop bag sitting next to my laptop. It's got a bra, hoodie, lip stick, head scarf, brow definer, hoops, etc. depending on "who all gone be on there."
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) June 16, 2020
3.
A girl I went to high school with just announced that she’s a grandmother, and my right hip disintegrated.
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) June 16, 2020
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7.
https://twitter.com/Scaachi/status/1272589483666477058
8.
technically a pool noodle is a bucatini
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) June 15, 2020
9.
being attracted to men is so embarrassing but someone’s gotta do it
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) June 17, 2020
10.
“Tomorrow is another day” used to be something people said to encourage each other but now it kind of just feels like a threat.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 14, 2020
11.
https://twitter.com/Luvvie/status/1273369641012858885
12.
thinking abt the very large bottle of fireball whisky in the bottom drawer of my desk at work, wondering if it misses me too
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) June 15, 2020
13.
https://twitter.com/ayoedebiri/status/1271853552877494272
14.
I will either respond to your email immediately or three years from now
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) June 16, 2020
15.
honestly worst purchase of 2020 was a 2020 planner
— ass crack bandit (@ass_crackbandit) June 15, 2020
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17.
https://twitter.com/MorganJerkins/status/1273061547129044992
18.
https://twitter.com/spinubzilla/status/1272758421167706114
19.
Marriage during a pandemic is just taking turns muting and yelling "I'M ON A ZOOM" throughout a day.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) June 16, 2020
20.
i have also thought i was poisoned at shake shack only to remember i am, in fact, lactose intolerant
— ziwe (@ziwe) June 16, 2020
21.
NO your email did NOT find me well, it found me ravaged with STRESS AND THE EFFECTS OF TIME
— anne t donahue (@annetdonahue) June 15, 2020
22.
https://twitter.com/Eden_Eats/status/1273505946233303042
23.
https://twitter.com/camillard/status/1272944858030727169