Ruin My Week
Chalk it up to people being stuck inside and bored out of their minds, but pregnancy announcements have gotten completely out of control this year.
First, we saw that distasteful Thanksgiving-themed “turkey and stuffing” pregnancy announcement, in which a couple wore matching T-shirts proclaiming “I made the stuffing” and “I’m so stuffed (with a little turkey)” that made everyone wonder if the straights were okay.
The latest to go viral, however, really takes the cake—no pun intended. (Trust us when we say this is a cake you would not want to eat.)
On December 10, author Tessa Miller tweeted the following pregnancy announcement that came in the form of an allegedly cutesy “recipe” for a baby. And yes, before you have to ask, there is semen involved.
“Recipe for baby,” reads a restaurant-style sign, with the directions, “1 cup mommy, 3 pumps daddy, mix with love, bake until July.” There is also a rolling pin next to the sign, for some ungodly reason.
“Imagine using your baby announcement to tell the world your husband is bad at sex,” quipped Miller.
imagine using your baby announcement to tell the world your husband is bad at sex pic.twitter.com/r4mJDYnYEP
— Tessa Miller (@TessaJeanMiller) December 10, 2020
Thankfully for them, the unidentified couple is partially obscured, because it didn’t take long before the tweet went viral, receiving over 130,000 likes and 10,000 retweets within days. People also naturally jumped into the fray to roast the couple for their uncouth way of announcing their bundle of joy.
“I am genuinely not sure if they are advertising how quickly he ejaculated or how many squirts of semen he produced,” tweeted one user, in response. “I don’t know which I want it to be less.” “I took it that he is a three-pump chump,” added another.
Others reacted with jokes and memes, many at the expense of new parents-to-be who feel the need to overshare the logistics of bringing a new life into the world.
THREE PUMPS https://t.co/AVsEh0GELM
— feminist next door (@emrazz) December 11, 2020
They really want to believe their jizz is equal to the amount of work that goes into actual gestation. Like a little kid who lifted a shoebox during a move and proudly saying "I helped! Look at what I can do!"
Sure you did, little buddy. pic.twitter.com/3dXwdsSZvd— K-Town (@KLDVComedy) December 11, 2020
This is absolutely horrendous, I am leaning so far back from the monitor I may clip through the floor https://t.co/p4OT0AGAni
— Himbo Beefcake, PhD 🔞💪 (@jendrawscomics) December 11, 2020
oh god how was the rolling pin involved
— Daniel Benneworth-Gray (@gray) December 11, 2020