I once broke a finger while trying to lay down a bunt…,at a batting cage
— Matt Brown (@MattBrownEP) March 21, 2021
17. The best person to fall on.
My kid count? He broke his arm on an orthopedic surgeon — yes, on the surgeon. Fell off the monkey bars at school, just as the doc was walking underneath to pick up his own kid. Hit the doc’s shoulder the wrong way, broken bone. The doc was bemused by the whole thing.
— Ben Berkowitz (@BerkowitzBT) March 21, 2021
18. Listen to your mother!
I poured scalding hot boiling water down my chest because my mom said said there was a hot water tank issue and if I wanted to take a shower I should use the kettle *and a washcloth* but I was playing video games and only heard if I wanted hot water I should use the kettle
— seth galina (@pff_seth) March 21, 2021
19. This is a cartoon in human-form.
As a young electrician, working in an attic w/ no head room. Stripped end of wire, & the end flew into my eye. Reflex is to jerk head away, right into roofing nails that poke thru plywood. Reflex to THAT was to pull away, slammed chin on rafter, & then back to the nails, & so on.
— Bill Phillips (@DoubleYouDeeBP) March 22, 2021
20. The animals want to hurt us.
1) Tripped over a chicken. Broken leg.
2) Caught a finger in a lunging dog’s collar. Broken finger.
3) Tried to go through a stall door at the same time as a horse. Broken wrist.
The goats are planning their assault, I presume.
— Gina Spadafori (@GinaSpadafori) March 22, 2021
21. The fear is worse sometimes.
In 7th grade we had to get the TB test (shot?) in school. I’m afraid of shots. I ended up passing out, slamming my head on a file cabinet and then the floor. I got such a bad concussion that I had a seizure. I was carried out on a stretcher in front of the whole school. 🙃
— Emily C. Singer (@CahnEmily) March 22, 2021
22. I’ve… also done this.
i burned my toe with mashed potatoes. https://t.co/WAIxC3iUCQ
— lee (@evrodyne) March 25, 2021
23. How is it possible?
I broke both of my elbows by running into a wall https://t.co/gQT6cPKHfa
— Trevor (@trevor_brown14) March 23, 2021
24. Who can blame you?
when I was 10 I landed my first successful backhandspring on the balance beam
I was so excited I went running to the locker room to tell my friends, tripped over a floor beam, and broke my pinky toe https://t.co/6F7JPAksXL
— Kira Kosarin❄️ (@kirakosarin) March 23, 2021
25. The things we do for love.
On a ferris wheel with a girl I liked, stopped at the top, I tried to impress her by unscrewing one of the ride’s lightbulbs. It exploded in my hand. I spent the rest of a VERY slow ride in pain, with a black hand looking like a cartoon bomb went off. SHE WAS NOT IMPRESSED. https://t.co/C2sPyssDE7
— Zach Broussard (@ZachBroussard) March 22, 2021
26. Ask your doctor if bad drugs could do this to you.
When I was young and stupid I took some bad drugs at a party & broke out in a rash the next day & the doctor was like ‘hmm it could be leukemia’ so I got a skin biopsy & when the results came back he said ‘no, it was bad drugs’. Anyway, that biopsy scar. https://t.co/MV3KTPoop0
— Lucy O’Brien (@Luceobrien) March 22, 2021
27. We’ve all been there, right?
I threw out my back reaching for a calzone too quickly. https://t.co/uuzHNn03Gk
— Dylan (@dyllyp) March 22, 2021
28. It’s a stretch.
I tore my ACL putting a sock on…that’s all it took. https://t.co/YUcFhVKBt6
— Matt Baker (@MattBaker_1) March 22, 2021
29. Not the right way to celebrate.
I jumped into my couch headfirst to celebrate the Timberwolves making the Western Conference Finals.
My neck was in a brace for three weeks. https://t.co/UxXvlbXssb
— Shahbaz Khan (@ShahbazMKhan) March 22, 2021
30. I’d like to see the impression.
Pulled my jaw doing hippo impressions for a two-year-old couldn’t close my mouth properly for days and the doctor was NOT kind about it… https://t.co/LQrV5RCkxK
— Lindsey Kelk (@LindseyKelk) March 23, 2021