I’m a big believer in being nice, but sometimes people are so dumb it’s like they don’t even know it. Some euphemisms for stupid are kind of harsh but others are so eloquent and funny that if the person you’re talking about is around to hear, they’ll likely not even know what you’re talking about.
I’ve met a lot of stupid people in my day, but when it’s not someone you know, you can’t just go around insulting people. You have to be polite about it. If you need a nice euphemism for stupid, these people will spark some inspiration for you. You can keep these in your back pocket for the next time you get stuck talking to some idiot in line at the store.
It’s not what you say, but how you say it.
1. “Sharp as a marble, that one.“
2. “I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong“
3. “It’s impossible to underestimate you“
4. “They only got two brain cells and both of them are fighting for third place.”
5. “Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.”
6. “You could hide your own Easter eggs.“
7. “My teacher said I was as ‘quick as a glacier’…“
8. “You aren’t the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don’t die.”
9. “He’s so far behind he thinks he’s first.“
10. “In Greece, we say ‘when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella'”
11. “His train of thought is still boarding at the station.”
12. “You’re the reason we have warning labels.“
13. “The wheels spinning, but the hamsters dead.“
14. “At this point, you can only impress me.”
15. “A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”
16. “Useful as a chocolate teapot.“
17. “Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.”
18. “I’m guessing you weren’t burdened with an overabundance of schooling.”
19. “One of my all-time favorites is ‘More foam than beer.’“
20. “Once heard someone say ‘Well he’s about as sharp as a sock full of soup.'”