30 Middle-Aged Things Millennials Have Caught Themselves Saying
The oldest millennials are now considered middle-aged so of course, that means we’ll occasionally slip and say something we only remember hearing out of our parent’s mouths. That cringey moment followed by a sigh is a bummer but also kind of hilarious.
It’s something different for all of us and someone thought to ask millennials, “What was the most middle-aged thing you caught yourself saying recently?”
I was just talking to my girlfriend about what we should do tonight. After the usual back and forth we decided on making a trip to Costco. If that doesn’t scream middle-aged to you then these responses will.
If you’re a middle-aged millennial and have caught yourself saying something like this, let us know in the comments!
1.
Calling a 21-year-old guy a “kid”.
2.
“They just don’t make them like they used to” them being good wood dressers
3.
I was eating lunch with a coworker last week and she was bitching about the weird clothes her parents wore in high school. JNCOs, wallet chains like 4 ft long, some other stuff, but as I’m listening to her I realize that she’s describing my high school experience so I ask her, how old are your parents?
“Ugh, they’re 40!”
….I’m 37, turning 38 in two weeks.
After I told her that we both got really quiet and changed the subject.
Someone please help me. I’m not ready for this.
– Lessa22
4.
Had a riveting conversation with some friends about the best office chairs for lumbar support.
5.
“No, I’m okay. It just takes my back a little while to loosen up in the morning.”
6.
My housemate: you want a drink?
Me: Nah, man. I haven’t had a drink in… six months maybe? More?
My housemate: You stopped drinking?
Me: I’m not SOBER or anything, it’s just that alcohol makes me sleepy.
7.
In a conversation with a friend “I managed to find a really good knife block recently…”
– naxxfish
8.
I slept wrong and haven’t been able to turn my head for three days.
9.
While at home depot: “oh yeah that’s some good lumber”
10.
That classic “dad groan” when standing up
11.
My knees hurt.
12.
That’s a nice box, keep it.
13.
I saw a few teenagers out in short skirts and light tops and I turned to my partner and said “Jaysus are they not freezing with not a coat between them”
I am old
14.
I can’t fix one thing in my house without at least 15 minutes of complaining about the previous owner’s handiwork.
15.
I am looking forward to going to bed.
16.
Do you want to go out for dinner? Oh no, I can’t; I have chicken in the fridge that I have to cook before it goes bad
17.
Scrolling through my Spotify and constantly asking who the hell are these people?
– 426763
18.
“Oh no thank, you. I can’t have caffeine this late in the day or I’ll never get to sleep tonight.”
My spouse was offering me the last soda from the fridge. It was 1pm.
19.
Why is the music so loud in here?!
20.
I’m technically a millennial, but I straddle that Gen X boundary.
After recently installing a replacement security camera, I saw in the saved footage some kids repeatedly riding their bikes and/or playing in my driveway, occasionally hitting the shrubs that line the driveway and scattering gravel/compost around.
I found myself ranting to my wife, wanting to know why these kids were constantly in my driveway, and wanting to know why their parents were not doing a better job of watching/teaching/disciplining them.
Then I froze and realized… I’d become that guy. That old guy.
It has sparked an existential crisis.
21.
Wanted to buy a snack and then thought, “no, I have food at home”
– saugoof
22.
I was venting to a coworker about these noisy bastards living next to me. I actually said the words, “goddamn teenagers and their Bluetooth machines”. I stand by my admonition but man it was my greatest age leap forward since I embraced the sensible Toyota.
23.
I slapped a crate I had strapped onto the back of my car and said “This isn’t going anywhere”
24.
“Can the kids (in the park outside) shut up”
I am the grumpy old lady now.
– s_chippi
25.
“It’s 8:30 pm, a little late to start a movie.”
To make it worse, it was a Saturday night.
26.
Not something I said but I just stood out on my porch this morning drinking my coffee and someone drove by pretty fast and I thought “that’s way too fast”
27.
When my wife asked if there was anything she needs to pick up at the store, and I responded: “I think we’re out of asparagus.”
Not sure what foul demon possessed me to say those words.
28.
“I’m so pleased with what a bargain this fleece was.”
A) I now own fleeces. B) I really was very pleased. C) it’s a Cotton Traders and I got it for £2 from a charity shop.
29.
Quit touching the god damn thermostat, you’re driving the bill up.
30.
I had a classmate who was probably just old enough to drink ask me if I knew what a meme was. I almost died. I’m 30, not dead.