Dan
The world is full of stupid people. You know it. I know. And yet, you can’t swing a dead cat without someone telling you “actually, you’re swinging that cat wrong.”
Even though we’re all capable of being dumb, we act like we are the smartest people in the room at all times. Sometimes, you can fool them. But, you can’t fool all the people all the time.
These people tried to be smart and failed.
Let’s all appreciate that we’re not as stupid as people trying to sound smart:
Yum!
I can’t wait to dig into this delicious treat of a post. Yes, looks good. We should all be eating what we want, and throwing caution to the wind… wait— What’s that caption say?
Talk to your doctor and find out if “spelling your medical issues correctly” is right for you. Then talk to a tutor about getting some tutoring. I would understand “lack toast” because what does toast sometimes lack? Butter. Butter is made from milk. Smart, if you don’t think about it even a little. But “intolerant” becoming “tall or rent”?? I can’t tolerate it.
Bone Apple Tea.
Some people aren’t smart enough for the intense mental work required for a job at… the gas station? Here’s an example of someone being so close and yet so far.
When Ludacris wrote “sweat for the lemonade, sweat for the tea,” I don’t think he meant you’re supposed to actually put sweat in either. The word you’re looking for is “sweet” as in “it would be sweet of you to delete this post so people can forget it ever happened.”
Is it just me… or is this person stupid?
Wow. Did this person crack the code or what? You might find this theory extremely interesting if you haven’t been outside since 1994.
Well, have you seen them both in the same room at the same time? Was there a mirror in the room? Then, I think I rest my case. I understand though. How could one man alone have so much talent? It’s unfair.
The Dreaded Bad Tattoo
I’ve been thinking of getting some new ink myself, and I’m likely going to get a drawing or a simple design now that I’ve seen what happens when you try to spell a whole word on your body. Permanently.
It is a virtue, yes. And your body is a temple. Don’t write all over it unless it’s going to be spelled right. Maybe, though, this person is a doctor. I doubt it, but they might be a doctor who has that memory issue from the movie Memento, and needs to be reminded to make rounds at the hospital.
Ask yourself: who benefits the least?
Wow. This could be life-altering if true. Maybe it’s all a conspiracy…
Oh, right. If you’re so worried about the government trying to use your identity against you, it’s probably a good idea to wear a mask at all times, never drive, use a fake social security card, commit fraud, go to jail, create a cool pseudonym in jail like “Il Duce”… wait. All of that is guaranteed to get you a thick file from the FBI. Maybe cool your jets on uncovering the truth about the NSA until after you’ve given it some thought.
Starbucks is just messing with us now.
That’s it. That’s the final cookie straw! People deserve to be treated with dignity even at chain coffee shops. This is anarchy.
I’m happy to find out that the employee might have been thinking too much at their job. It’s a rarity. The problem, however, is they didn’t stop and rethink what they wrote. No one should waste a cup, but in this instance, you should not give that to a customer because no customer is named Cark.
For the “W”!
Badminton is tough…to pronounce correctly. This racket is tough to look at if you’re not bright.
Surely, the wizardry in this photo is something you’ve seen before. Perhaps you also wonder how a magnifying glass doesn’t give you shade when you look directly at the Sun through it. “Why is it burning my skin?” you ask, but no one is around to hear because they are worried being around you will lower their IQ.
Quick question: Why?
I don’t claim to be the next Gordon Ramsay, but I am about to start swearing at whatever this concoction is. Please, get it together. And by “get it together” I don’t mean mix together stuff that’s never been mixed together before.
Just because an idea is original doesn’t mean it’s good. There’s an episode of Friends about this cooking issue in particular. Desserts and meat don’t mix. Don’t even try it. Fried ice-cream? Yes. Meat popsicle? No, thank you.
Raw and uncut.
It’s important to experiment in the kitchen. If you only follow recipes verbatim, you’ll never know how to improvise a meal. This, however, is the wrong kind of improvisation. This… is bad.
Imagine a restaurant serving this meal, and the Yelp review that would follow. Now, imagine that you are this person and cook for yourself every night. You are the head chef in your life. It’s time for some gentle feedback. Don’t ever do this again. Unless you want a foodborne illness like the one no one in this post can spell.
Think before you act.
We’ve all done lazy stuff in the past. This one takes the teacake though. Think before you ruin your own nice kitchenware.
This is like the 3 and 5-gallon jug puzzle from the third Die Hard movie except the stakes are way lower and the people involved are much dumber. I wouldn’t be surprised if you opened these jar and found cookies in one and salt in the other. Back to the drawing jug.
Fractions are tough.
Not everyone got into the Ivy League like I didn’t. That’s no excuse for disregarding one of the few lessons from math class that actually get used in adult life. Fractions. Learn them. Use them. Try harder.
If your husband enjoys the bitter more than the sweet, he should come over and watch me read your reviews. I’m now a deeply bitter person.
From Russia With Love.
This is the most important question on the minds of Americans. This, and “is there still a war on Christmas?” The USA deserves to be celebrated year-round if you ask me!
I celebrate people trying to learn about other cultures. Maybe start with “what’s your favorite holiday in _______?” Instead of “does McDonald’s exist outside of the town I live in?” Soon, you’ll find that we, as a human race, have more in common than you think.
How long will it take to figure this one out?
Losing your phone is traumatizing nowadays. Friends should take care of one another, and make sure their friends don’t go without access to their phones for even a moment. This friend, however, thought too fast.
The call is coming from inside the house. From inside your hand, even. Pay attention to what your friends are telling you. Calm down. Use your powers of deduction.
Dear Landlord.
Not everything can be explained via text. Often, miscommunications ensue. As was the case here:
A picture says a thousand words, but in this instance, it says four: “Hot water is broken.” Pretty simple. Unless the landlord was asking for the person to send photos of the hot water heater which would then prove that it exists. Not sure what else you’d gain from a photo of that or a photo of the shower with cold water coming out of it. Just fix it!
Cops are used to catching dumb criminals.
When I was younger, I had a fake ID. It wasn’t even as good as this one, though I had the good sense to only use my own photo.
Some people are born dumb, others become dumb, and others have dumbness thrust upon them. I don’t think any amount of study or even a job at the DMV could have stopped this moment from happening. It was inevitable. Say cheese (for your mugshot! LOL. Fun joke for the cops to make).
Como se dice “Duh!”?
I have often been called into my parents living room for dumber issues with a TV. You can’t win them all.
There’s no chance anyone is still watching Family Guy at night who’s not stoned already, so watching something in a different language for a long period of time before coming to your senses actually checks out. I’m curious to know what the Spanish audio sounds like!
Some tools last a lifetime.
Not sure how this person was raised, but where I come from, it rains. Clearly, the person commenting here agrees.
Let us put away childish things. Like, I don’t know… Play-Doh? LEGOs? But stuff people use to protect themselves from catching pneumonia during a storm? I don’t know what else you’re living without but I’m scared. Do you not have shoes? What about a coat? Are you OK? We’re all worried.
No more talking, please.
There are several reasons this person should talk less and listen more. For starters, you should silently go visit one of the places this person suggested.
What about Netflix but for books? Hmm? And what if instead of a monthly fee, it didn’t cost anything. Sound too good to be true? Then you need to get out more. The library is a sacred place where you can find all kinds of literature, movies, music, and also watch pornography in public. It’s legal. It’s true. Look it up. But don’t ask me how I know.
If only!
Basic biology dictates that wherever a person and a Twitter account are in the same place, eventually a really dumb statement will be born. That was the case here.
The sentiment that “the heart wants what the heart wants” might be what she’s going for, but instead she posted that she had no choice in the matters of family planning. If you’re not sure how to choose a partner to procreate with, please talk to a doctor or your health teacher. Or me. I’ll explain it.
Long live the US of A!
Technically, New York City is in the United States, but there seem to be people in the middle of the country who agree with this statement. We will judge the post on its own merits:
Look at a globe, dummy! As you can clearly see, New York state is part of the United States. It’s not part of the Americas, which are over to the south. You must feel pretty stupid for chiming in!
The miracle of life.
The real miracle is that a person could make it this far in life, and still ask this question. Be afraid. These individuals walk among us.
That’s a rough day, but she’ll probably feel better later when only one or two babies come out. A great idea: home ultrasound kits. You think you’re pregnant and want to know how many babies are in your body? Buy one of these kits. Have a gender reveal party ASAP. All right. It’s a bad idea.
Smartphones aren’t for everyone.
Arthur C. Clark once said: “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic” and I think this person is unaware that the phone isn’t magical. It’s a phone. It texts the numbers you put in there. The rest is up to you.
This is like Homer looking at a screen telling him to press any key and asking “where’s the Any Key?” If someone tells you that you have the wrong number you don’t insist that you’ve never been wrong before. You try again, but not with the same person over and over.
More like money trees.
People will always find a reason to complain. Even when they have fallen into dumb luck. This guy struck oil and he doesn’t even know it.
I wouldn’t have even told my neighbor if I started finding avocados in my yard. I would simply start selling avocado toast and fresh guacamole out of the trunk of my car. They say money doesn’t grow on trees, but if you have this tree it does. Start a tree-to-table cafe and charge $15 per slice of toast.
How girl get pregnant?
Another stellar example of this country’s education system at work. We show them diagrams. We give them books. We show them videos. And still, men have questions like this one:
The response says it all. Though, I’m certain people who don’t know much about human biology often make the mistake of accidentally impregnating people. When you’re using trial and error, it’s an inevitability. What if a woman is sleeping at night, and a fertilized embryo sneaks in there? Hmm? You didn’t think of that, did you?
Sharing something special.
The world must be awe-inspiring to people who don’t know much. Every turn, you think “wow! these traffic lights tell people when to stop and go! That’s very smart planning!” It wasn’t always like that. There was a time when thoughts like this were special. The 1800s.
Remember the old days when you had a thought and kept it to yourself? That time doesn’t exist anymore. Now, people share everything. Kids today don’t realize that previous generations also shared a lot without going on the internet to announce it. It was called basic understanding of how a radio works.
The struggle is real.
Not everyone paid attention in high school biology. We can all agree, however, that hearing the name of an animal should be a decent indicator of what that animal is called. It is what it is.
Once, I played a drinking game with a friend where we had to name types of things in a category. If we couldn’t name anything in the category, we took a drink. He got very excited when he got the category “types of monkeys” and shouted “SLOTH!!” It brings me no joy to say that he is smarter (on paper) than the person above.
Here’s hoping.
Again, not everyone knows how biology works. Be sure to find out what words mean before you use them.
I would love to see this person at the gender reveal party confusing their family. On second thought, I would love to see no more gender reveal parties ever. Let them die out like the last brain cells inside this twitter user’s head.
Geek Squad.
We’re all trying to make a little more money with a side hustle. Even the best salesman, though, would not be able to sell the same TV twice:
Wow. Being dumb and rude is a bad combination. You’re supposed to pick one. I guess if the seller has no more TVs to offer the person texting them, they could always go over and act out the person’s favorite movies in the living room where a TV should be.
That’s no moon.
Neil deGrasse Tyson is weeping right now and he doesn’t know why. We know why. It’s because he felt in the universe that someone had posted this photo with this caption.
Some people haven’t spent a lot of time near new technology. But even the Amish people in my town know what electric lamps are, and probably know a lot more about scientific advances than this person. How did they even take this photo? Do they know what a camera is?