Pleated Jeans
Zoos and aquariums are some of the coolest places to visit—with or without kids. For an entire day, you can visit tigers, giraffes, sea lions, and all other kinds of interesting creatures that you would otherwise not encounter.
Zoos are fun, educational, hopefully ethical—and also crazy to work at. If you’re a zookeeper or work at a zoo, chances are your stories are a lot different than a zoo visitor.
Maybe they’re a bit more disgusting or inappropriate—or maybe they’re actually magical.
People who have worked at zoos are sharing some of their stories and secrets about what it really is like to work with exotic animals.
Don’t turn your back on the Tapir!
1.
“Some people like to bring fruit and stuff to throw into the animals cages, even though they’re not supposed to. If you’re around and someone throws a pineapple into the gorilla or chimpanzee dens, gtfo. They will throw that thing full blast at someone. I saw a man get hit full force right in the side of the head, and he was lights out. Pineapple exploded on impact. Paramedics came and everything.” — Sedintwinz
2.
“I volunteer at an aquarium and the people always ask about whether the sharks that are in with the fish ever eat the fish officially we say, ‘we keep them well fed enough that they don’t,’ but on more then one morning on my initial walk around I have found remains of fish that definitely weren’t feed fish. On a particularly memorable occasion I found the head of a large porgy just sitting on the bottom. A diver went in and got it before guests arrived.” — _Fun_Employed
3.
“Rhinos may look super intimidating, and they can hurt you, but really they just act like big dogs. They love being scratched and will eat all the fruit out of your hand!” — battlegato
4.
“Partner was a zookeeper in Dallas. Safety protocols for when a large, dangerous animal escapes its enclosure dictate that you lock yourself in whatever room you can get to quickest and grab the nearest weapon, which, for most zookeepers, was a broom or rake for cleaning up animal poop.” — musical_hog
5.
“Worked in an animal refuge in Bolivia. We were told on our first day not to let the Tapir turn its back on you. Forgetting that vital piece of info, 3 days later I was filming the Tapir as it starts to turn its back on me and my friend. Before we could react, its schlong did a 180 and projectile c*mmed all over my phone and gaping mouth. We couldn’t get rid of the smell for days. If you ever come close to a tapir, do not let it turn its back on you.” — c11life
6.
“The poor penguin keepers can never quite get rid of the miasma of dead fish that envelopes them. As for me, the stinkiest job I ever had to do was cleaning out the duck ponds. Managed to empty a whole train carriage that evening, even though I had changed and my work clothes were double-bagged.” — ShadyElmm
7.
“Lions know fully well that they can’t get through the glass. They do that just to get attention.” — WF6i
8.
“Dead zoo animals are sometimes fed to carnivores. There’s a farm/zoo in the UK that uses crocodiles to get rid of dead cows. The owner once said he’d like the same end when he dies.” — KToTheA-
9.
“We closed the baboon exhibit because a baboon had a still birth and the troupe was ‘grieving.’ In reality they were throwing parts of the infant corpse around and there was nothing we could do about it.” — randomiser5000
10.
“Fun fact bout the local zoo I learned when I worked maintenance, there is a wolf enclosure. There is info bout the wolves, it’s maintained. ‘They are just shy/in their shelter atm.’ There are no wolves, never was.” — Ew_E50M
11.
“We didn’t have mad drama but damn near everyone had slept with everyone. There was a girl from birds that cheated on her boyfriend who was also birds with a guy on small primates. It turned into a whole thing with everyone having an opinion.” — Nixie9
12.
“If you work with the animals there’s a good chance you’ll not be able to have any kind of social life, between the long hours/weekends and the stench. I’ve been kicked out of stores after work because I apparently stunk way worse than I thought I did – even after scrubbing off! And I’m around animals every day, but I still can’t stand when otter / sea lion keepers are around me in “all-hands” meetings. The rotten fish + ferrety otter smell combo is a gagger. Meanwhile, I work with apes, and they say that I smell like I haven’t showed in a decade (again…even after I shower).” — bindobub
13.
“I worked with large tortoises. We had these 5-gallon buckets for cleaning the poop out of enclosures and other buckets for feeding them fresh grass we cut. The first day on the job I took both buckets into the pen and started by dumping out the grass. Then I went around to collect poop. I heard this awful loud grunting and something breaking. One of the 300 lb males tried to bang the bucket in front of visitors and flattened it. He would even follow me around just in case I might leave more innocent buckets unattended.” — DrteethDDS
14.
“The zebras and Przewalski’s horses are ruthless and will tear apart any unfortunate wild kangaroo that dares break into an enclosure. They love the thrill of the chase…and the subsequent kill when they get bored.” — NutkaseCreates
15.
“The most amusing stories were about the orangutans who are wicked smart. Zookeeper trained them to give over items in exchange for food in case they needed to get something from them in the enclosure. But orangutans are smart, and realized if they break things up and hand it back in lots of little pieces they get more food. They disassembled a radio that accidentally got left in the enclosure and when there was an opossum in the enclosure the results were a bit more gruesome.” — 17top
16.
“I spoke to a zookeeper at the national zoo in DC. We were watching another keeper inside the cheetah enclosure and I asked him about the danger involved. He said a cheetah is harmless to an adult human because it only hunts smaller creatures. I asked which creature was the worst to go in with, expecting hippo, elephant, or croc as an answer. Without hesitating he said ‘zebras’ then leaned close and whispered ‘They are the biggest assholes. They will bite and kick for no reason.’ I still think it’s hilarious that of all the teeth and claws out there, it’s striped donkey horses that are the worst.” — Count_Joshoo
17.
“When you’re cleaning underneath the perches, parrots will wait for you to look up before taking a s**t. They have a good aim. Thats how you get s**t in the mouth. Don’t look up.” — BiteyParrots
18.
“Used to work at a zoo, cold weather makes the animals more active so go on a chilly day or first thing in the morning to see the best show from the animals. Also, those free roaming peacocks are really stupid and sometimes go in the lions exhibit and get torn up.” — MapleTopLibrary
19.
“Those free-roaming peacocks are really stupid and sometimes go in the lions exhibit and get torn up.”—MapleTopLibrary
20.
“Our camels will spit if you piss them off, and it’s not just saliva like most people think. You really really really really don’t want to upset our camels if you have any plans the rest of the week, please and thank you!” — leepingphal
21.
“I also worked at a zoo when I was like 16 and I was the only employee working in a little cabin serving food in front of the sea lions. One particular summer, they scheduled me to work on my own there every single day because I was dependable. The sea lions performed a show at 1 o clock. On sunny days, I was too busy providing food for the humans during the show to see. When it rained, I was blessed. The zoo keeper that was in charge of the show had to show up anyways to feed the sea lions, and one zoo keeper had asked me ‘don’t you get lonely there?’ when I just started working there. I said ‘kind of.’ Ever since, when it rained, with no people there, she would go and perform the whole show specially for me. I clapped and cheered and she bowed at the end. On those days it was me, maybe one parent and a kid that ran by and stood by the cabin to shelter from the rain. They would buy ice cream and say I had a nice job. I never got to know the name of the zoo keeper but I am grateful to her.” — Atalaunta
22.
“The most dangerous and feared animal in case of an escape is not, as you may think, lions, tigers, or other large carnivores. It’s the chimps. Those things will rip your arm off and beat you to death with the bloody end as soon as they look at you.”—ShadyElmm
23.
“Next time you go to the zoo, ask someone which animals are ‘kill on sight’ in an escape. The answers will surprise you. Lions and tigers are typically on the ‘tranq and capture’ list, but a jaguar the size of a golden retriever is ‘KoS.’ The zoo I was with, the two jags were the only animals on site that were on the shoot-to-kill list. Even the silverback was on the tranq-first list.”—Nytherion
24.
“Our lions will urinate on guests if they get too close, which is always funny to see. Not so funny to smell.”—epshuche
25.
“Aquariums have captive breeding programs for some of the dolphins and whales, but they are too difficult to transport for mating. So they have to use artificial insemination. Which requires semen samples from whales. Which means that it’s someone’s job to give handjobs to dolphins and whales in order to collect the sperm. It’s part of the animal’s training, and the whales will roll over and present their genitals on command.”—plaid-lemming
Lead Image: Pixabay