Pleated Jeans
Summer is here after a long, long year of pandemic anxiety and quarantine life. Now that it’s okay to venture out, people are planning those vacations they dreamed about while stuck indoors. Some folks are going all out while others are sticking to quiet getaways.
But what happens when you make more money than your partner? How do you decided to plan a vacation where you both can afford all the activities and meals?
One Redditor decided to completely ignore the fact that his girlfriend isn’t as wealthy as his family, even while she was limiting her meals and activities on their trip.
Accordingly, he is being trashed for his insensitivity.
“Hello. My girlfriend, myself, my parents, and my brother and his wife all went on vacation in another country a week ago. My brother and I were the ones who did most of the planning of the itinerary although we did ask everyone else for input. For background, I make around $150,000k as an IT consultant, my girlfriend is a teacher making $45,000k. My parents are pretty affluent as well as my brother and sister-in-law,” the OP writes.
“My girlfriend knew this trip was coming up and took on a second job waitressing on the weekends for several months to get ready for it. We have always split things 50/50 in the 2 years we have been together. There were a few times on the vacation when she did not go on outings with us—wine tasting/scuba diving/etc. She also would only eat 2 meals a day, simply stating that she was on a budget. My family does favor more high-end (*expensive*) places. My parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3.”
When they got home, the OP asked his girlfriend why she skipped out on a lot of the vacation activities and meals:
“I mentioned how I heard her stomach growling one night and said I was concerned about her having an eating disorder.” She started crying and said she couldn’t afford the 3 meals a day and could only afford 3 out of the 6 activities because of her budget. “She said she was not expecting everything to cost so much and she was overwhelmed.”
“She also said she doesn’t know if this is going to work long term if she is expected to go on vacations like that with people who make so much more than her. I feel bad that I did not pick up on her discomfort sooner. But we did agree to split everything 50/50 and I don’t know why she agreed to come if the cost was an issue.”
This guy sounds absolutely clueless and ignorant.
“YTA. You make three times what she does. You knew she had to take a second job to be able to go. You planned the holiday/the activities. She even said while you were there that she could only afford to eat two meals a day. Don’t plan for your budget when you know she makes so much less than you. I think it’s safe to say she didn’t enjoy the holiday at all. She probably found it stressful to work out what she could afford, and embarrassing to have to skip meals,” noted Sleepy_felines.
“My heart broke for this girl. Not only did she work extra jobs just to afford to go along, when she got there, much of what was offered was beyond her means. So much so that he could hear her stomach grumbling? And then he has the unmitigated GALL to ASK HER about it on the idea that she might have a f***ing eating disorder?? And he’s afraid he might not have been attuned to his girlfriend and her finances. Because, after all, they have agreed to split everything 50/50. YTA doesn’t being to approach the depth of a**holery going on here. Not just from the OP though he absolute gets the lion’s share but also from the rest of his family. She needs to wipe her tears and kick this one to the curb to sit with the rest of the trash. And that’s as civil as I can get,” said logirl1975.
“I can’t believe that he let her go to bed hungry and didn’t say anything at the time 🙁 How cruel/oblivious can someone be,” said codeverity.
“YTA 100%. She went because she loves your stupid a*s. She worked a second job and went hungry to be with you and your family. Maybe you and your family should have some empathy and consider that not everyone is making six figures. Teachers are drastically underpaid for their education and often have to take a second job. Public servants who teach children are devalued and in this case her own boyfriend AND his family couldn’t care less that she was making huge sacrifices to attend. Your job is to be a good partner. You failed,” said Historical-Ad1493.
“YTA and other commenters have done a good job of explaining why so I’m just going to respond to your ‘I don’t know why she agreed to come’ line. Uh… because you’re her boyfriend and she wants a life with you rather than two separate lives due to your income disparity? She’s right. This is never going to work long term if you can’t either a.) partially pay for her or b.) reduce the cost of the things you do so that she can afford to pay her portion. Where exactly do you see this going otherwise? This girl worked two jobs and ate 2 meals a day to spend a vacation with you and your family and all you can say is ‘well she just should have stayed home,'” explained strikingfirefly.
“Your incomes are not 50/50, so why do you expect your financial contributions to be that way? She’s trying her best to participate with you all on gatherings and trips, even taking on extra work to help pay for it. I don’t get it. You could easily pay her way, and it’d be no skin off your teeth. YTA and soon to be single,” said Christmas850.
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