Jason Mustian
11.
“Went to chipotle after freshly shaving my head. The cashier started commenting “WOW what a day look at you with your shaved head, when did you do that!” Me: like 20 min ago.” Him: “wooooooow what a world we live in! You and your bald head.”
I felt like I was in a whitest kids you know skit or something.” – shacklton89
12.
“I was rollerblading down a hill too fast, and landed on my ass. Painful, sure, but not excruciatingly so. A old man walked by and said in the most jolly voice, “is your behind okay, young lady?”
I was shaking of laughter. My behind was okay, yes.”
13.
“I was crossing the street once and my sunglasses fell off my shirt directly to the floor. I just realized it happened after I got to the other side of the street and my mom pointed it out. The closest car was pretty far away, but I was still very anxious about it, ran back to the middle of the street, tried to grab it but I was so nervous it fell out of my hands two times before i finally got it and ran to the other side of the street again. The car finally reached us, the driver stops, rolls down the windows and says: “that’s what I call a survival instinct” and drives away. I laughed so hard!” – etaporra
14.
“I must’ve been about 10 or 11. I sat down on a bench next to an old guy to sort my shoe out. I took my shoe off and he just turns to me and says “are they golfing socks?” I look at him with a completely blank look on my face thinking “wtf??” as I looked away he just said “there’s a hole in one”” – WinningToad
15.
“This reminds me of the time I asked for directions in south Georgia and it went like this:
Her: Go down there and take a lef
Us: Uh-huh
Her: Then go pass the gas station
Us: OK
Her: Then yawn yawn
Us: Yawn yawn?
Her: Yeah. Then yawn yawn.
Took us forever to realize she was saying “then you’re on your own.”” – dwilatl
16.
“I work in retail, and I’m not sure why, but this had me dying for a while. I still laugh when I think about it.
Me: “How you doing today, sir?”
Customer: “Yep.”
And he went on his way.” – RiSETOFaLL
17.
“Okay, the laughter was not entirely inside, but years ago on the subway in NY, a crazy dude walks on the train and screams at everyone “You’re all going to hell!” and then steps off as the doors close. Total silence as the weirdness of the moment settles in. Then, without missing a beat, guy across from me goes, “Shit, I thought this train was going to Harlem.” Entire subway car of cynical New Yorkers bursts out laughing.” – jimcol
18.
“The college I attend frequently has local elementary and middle school kids on tours, especially on Fridays.
One particular Friday I was in line for the cafeteria when a group of kids came walking by with a tourguide. One kinda chubby little dude looked a bit uncomfortable. He was biting his lip a little, and sweating. This part of the tour is usually when they have a bathroom break, and clearly buddy needed to go. At this point I should note that the bathrooms are visible from where we’re standing.
But the tour guide, a fellow student of mine, didn’t seem to notice. She just kept going on and on, talking about the history of the building. I watched this kid go from nervous, to deeply anxious, to visibly clenching over a span of about 3 minutes. He’s staring at the stick figure dude on the men’s bathroom sign as if it was the risen Christ.
Ms. Tour Guide takes a break in her spiel. I figure she’s done, the next words out of her mouth will be ones to free this boy from the purgatory that is having to use the bathroom on a school trip. It’ll be over. He’ll be free.
What followed, instead, was this.
“So in 1995, a professor named A.B.C. Kalamazoo-”
“Move lady, I’m gonna shit my ass!”
He ran past her to the bathroom, and presumably destroyed it. Poor guy. Had the entire line in tears with laughter though.” – arivin12
19.
“In high school we were walking down the hall to the buses and I heard two girls in a conversation that cracked me up and confused me.
Girl 1: Yeah I’m going to random guy’s house tonight. (Something to the effect of looking forward to it.)
Girl 2: Ah well make sure you bring protection. (Already kinda weird as they’re just talking in the hall.)
Girl 1: What? No I’m not gonna be doing anything like that.
Girl 2: No I meant like a knife or something.
I’ve been laughing about that for a while now.”
20.
“I was at Tim hortons with my dog and then this old man walked by and said to me “you’re gonna be a dog one day”” – 0CEANLOVER