Jason Mustian
21.
“I was riding the T (subway) home one night with a Spike’s Junkyard Sandwich, of the buffalo chicken variety. A clearly drunk guy with his girlfriend said to me “Are you going to face fuck that sandwich?” To which I replied “Yes”. He then turned to his girlfriend and said “babe let’s get some buffalo chicken!””
22.
“I’m in the bathroom at work washing my hands and one of the professors that I don’t think I’ve ever actually spoken to comes in and starts washing her lanyard in the sink. I try to make small talk with work people even though I suck at it so I try to strike up a conversation that goes down as follows:
“Morning.”
“Ugghhh…I spilled coffee on my lanyard and now it’s all sticky.”
“Blah…that’s the worst.”
At this point she turns off the faucet and looks at me completely deadpan with eyes that said she wanted to feed me my own innards and said, “I think genocide is worse.”
So I awkwardly mumbled “Ummm…yeahkaybyehaveaniceday” and quickly escaped.It’s turned into a running joke in my office now though. Anything from the printer being out of toner to a fire drill on a cold day is “literally worse than genocide.””
23.
“Movie just ended, me and my dad join the mad rush to to the bathrooms, urinals are packed, its our turn we doing our business, suddenly someone rips a hugggge fart, lol its pretty funny but we all have manners, still peeing, suddenly this dude proclaims, “IT WAS MEEEEE” and runs out the door. Whole bathroom erupts in laughter.” – dodo_gogo
24.
“A few years ago I let my friend cut my hair… it did not go well.
I was living in Philadelphia at the time and was walking through South Philly when I passed two strangers in the middle of the conversation. As I pass, one of them says to the other: “Hold up, I gotta talk to this guy.”
He precedes to shout to me: “Aaayo! Your hair looks like SHIT. Come over here.”
I was amused, partially because of his bluntness and partially because he wasn’t wrong. I was curious, so I walked over to him. He says: “Look, a buddy of mine owns a barber shop two blocks away. Here’s his business card–I’ll write my name on there, if you mention that I sent you he’ll give you a good deal. Bruh, but seriously take care of that shit.”
I never ended up going to his friend’s shop, but I frequently use this story as the perfect example of Philly culture: rude, blunt & in your face yet somehow coming from a place of genuine care.
Plus, it’s fucking hilarious.” – trustfundbabelfish
25.
“Met a guy while camping a few years ago. He told us, matter of factly, that he was a “Redneck hippie” back in the 60’s.. He was “there for the sex and the drugs, but not so much that love and peace shit.” We still crack up about that.” – PursuitOfMuchness
26.
“I was helping a customer pick out a new bra and she said she wanted her breasts to be lifted. She said, “my boobs are so saggy that if my nipples were eyeballs, I’d be able to see if my shoes were untied”
I really tried my best to remain professional but I couldn’t stop laughing lol” – BurkaBurrito
27.
“Was leaving Walmart and the 80ish year old greeter says “Thanks for shopping at Dollar Tree!””
28.
“Something I overheard as two kids walked past our caravan park site:
A rumbling boom of distant thunder.
Kid 1: “I like thunder. It sounds like a 200 year old dog who’s retired and helps old people who are blind to get around.”
Kid 2: (silence)
Kid 1: “You know?”
Kid 2: “But why is it retired?”
Kid 1: “Because it’s old.”
Kid 2: “But it’s still helping blind people.”
Kid 1: (silence)” – actualchad
29.
“Years ago when queuing up for movie tickets with my family, the attendant asked the ages of our four kids to see if they could all get children-priced tickets. I announced their ages, 7, 9, 11 & 13. Without missing a beat, the stranger behind us declared, “That’s an odd group!”” – 2Fundy
30.
“I was doing tech support over the phone for an internet company at a call center. I got a call from an elderly woman, because her internet stopped working. After checking remotely that the modem was working and that there was no issues on her area, I was scheduling a visit from one of our technician when she suddenly says:
-Oh, I know what happened. The cat was playing around the router yesterday?
-Right, you think it took a cable or something?
-No, he probably took away the Wi-Fi.
-You mean like he moved the router?
-No, no, he probably took the airwaves of the Wi-Fi. You know how cats see things we can’t, he surely say the Wi-Fi signal, grabbed it and took it away.
It took all my willpower to not laugh in her face and finish the call.” – ElTuxedoMex