Mike
Children have a way of surprising us with their innocence, creativity, and sheer silliness. As parents, we all have stories to tell about the hilarious and downright dumb things our kids have done. From putting underwear on their heads to mistaking the dog’s tail for a toy, there’s no shortage of laugh-out-loud moments when it comes to parenting.
In a recent reddit post, one user asked parents, “What was your ‘I raised an idiot’ moment?” The stories that resulted were amazing. Hilarious kid fails right from the source. Read on for more.
1.
When my son was 11 years old, he confidently informed me he was pretty sure he knew everything there was to know, because he tried to think of something that he didn’t know, and couldn’t think of anything. – misfitdevil99
2.
When one of my daughters tries to insult the other by telling her how ugly she is.
They’re identical twins. – AsBigAsAlone
3.
Told my kid that carrots help you see in the dark, he then went into the basement with a carrot and started waving it around like a flashlight. – rtardedsquirrl
4.
My 13 year old son was sniffing really hard and moving his head all around the area he was standing in. Slightly concerned he had lost his mind, I asked him what he was doing. He told me, “I farted. I’m trying to smell it all up, so you dont have to smell it.” He’s a thoughtful idiot. – rjonesjcm33
5.
I’m the idiot kid, but when I was about 3, after preparing dinner, my mom would leave me alone in the kitchen. After I finished, I would search for some M&Ms to nibble at, knowing I wasn’t allowed.
Every time after I finished, I would go over to my mom and ask her “Did you hear me eating M&Ms in the kitchen?”. She would always reply yes and I would always get so frustrated, because every time I tried to be as stealthy as possible.
I never realized what blew my cover until I grew older. – ciochips
6.
I used to tell my kids not to take off their shoes and socks in the car, especially on short trips. Just leave them on so that we don’t have to spend 5 minutes finding and putting them back on before we run into the store.
Imagine a single dad with two young kids running around the car trying to re-shoe my children in the grocery store parking lot in the middle of an Arizona summer, yuck.
One day we went to the store and my daughter was missing her shoe. It was nowhere to be found. “Daddy, I didn’t want you to be mad that my shoe was off so I threw it out the window.” Made sense to a 5-year old I guess. – Qlinkenstein
7.
One day after school my brother and i met up w my dad (he worked at the school) and the janitor and began walking to the parking lot.
We passed the elementary building and the janitor lets out a huge sign about “some punk writing their name on the facade”
My dad looks over and said “It’s the same name as my kid but at least his name is spelled differently since it has a C in it”*loud gasp*
My brother: I FORGOT THE C!!!he was not the sharpest tool in the shed… – uxi3888
8.
When my youngest son, who was 10 at the time, was getting his ears checked at the pediatrician and they found a “foreign object” in his left ear.
Said object was a dead housefly. Because he thought sticking a fly in his ear would give him flying powers.
He had caught it and shoved it in there alive about a week prior. – Padfoottheguardcat
9.
When I asked my 14yo if she could please bring me a piece of cake, she cut it, forgot why, then ate it. – TiredWhovian
10.
My son came to our house to visit (he didn’t live with us), we weren’t home but we on our way home so he let himself in.
We walk in and he’s freaking out about breaking our newly adopted cat or something to that effect. I asked him what was she doing, she looked fine to me. He said she was “vibrating” when she sat on his lap.
This is where he learned about cats purring. He hadn’t been around a lot of cats so idk. – wydidk
11.
My son spent 18 months of his teenage years telling people he was born in Brazil. He was born in Bristol. – anon
12.
When the Peter Pan Peanut Butter recall happened 10-12 years ago or so (due to salmonella) my then-15 year old daughter came in from school and as she was walking past the living room (tv was on) she stopped and watched the news report about the salmonella outbreak.
She got this “ah-ha” lightbulb moment and said, “oh, now I get it! It’s about peanut butter! All day at school I kept hearing Peter Pan was killing people around the country and I thought he had turned bad or something and was now a villain.”
I just stared at her waiting for her to say she was joking and didn’t really think Peter Pan was real, but no, she just went upstairs to her room like we just had a normal conversation about normal, every-day events. – mazexii33
13.
My youngest son, 14! years old, when we were on a train and he was looking outside: “Mum, what are these plants?”
Me: “They are potato plants.”
He: “Fries are made from potatoes, right?”
Me: “Yes, of course. You know that, we made our own, can’t you remember?”
He: “They should plant fries instead. No one likes potatoes!”
He looked at me with a face that said: “I invented space and time travel, bow in front of your genius son!” I just closed my eyes and hoped for the best.
He is a site engineer now and does well in life, because everything that isn’t job related is managed by his wife. She is a godsend and I try to be the best mother in law that exists, because I want her to stay with him forever!!! – anon
14.
When my oldest was 11, I was letting him stay up with me and my roommate (he’s from my first marriage, I hadn’t met my wife yet and was still a messy bachelor with a kid)
So, he’s 11 right. Need to be clear about this. He’s 11.
We’re watching Colbert Report and Stephen says something happening in Congress politics whatever is “as likely as writing legislation with Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny”
I chuckle at the dumb joke, only half paying attention. My kid sits up and says, “wait. Dad. What did he just say? What was .. can you explain that?”
I’m thinking maybe he’s confused about the politics so I say these two powerful politicians aren’t getting along. He says “yeah, no, right, okay .. so … what else did he say again?”
By this point my roommate, who had been pretty much staring at his laptop, ignoring the TV and the two of us, starts watching us closely.
So I say “yeah, so that’s as unlikely as meeting Santa Claus”
“Yeah??”
“Yeah, or .. the Tooth Fairy”
“Yeah??”
“Right. Or. The Easter Bunny”
“wwwWWWHHHAAAATT!!!!!????!!?!!??!?!???!!!”
My roommate let’s out one small chuckle. I’m staring at him, a bit dumbfounded. Finally I ask, “buddy, did you .. still, um .. think there was a, uh .. a rabbit, who snuck into the house, and hid eggs?”
My roommate starts snickering. I’m just staring with a bewildered look. Kiddo is slumping down down down into the couch, angry teardrops welling up in his eyes. I don’t know if he was embarrassed, mad at my roommate for laughing, or pissed off because he learned the Easter Bunny wasn’t real in such a s****y way.
He already informed me that he knew Santa Claus was “just the parents” about oh I dunno, four years earlier? So I thought we were cool.
As I tucked him in that night, he explained “I just figured he stopped coming because I’m too old” – johnwalkersbeard
15.
My dad’s moment was when I made him drive around with me because my car had been making a “thunk” noise every time I made a turn. After 15 minutes he announced it was the baseball bat in my trunk rolling around. – Tanaisy
16.
Daughter calls me “there is a cop behind me with his lights on. What should I do?” – whatreasondoineed
17.
When my son was disappointed by sex ed class. He thought they were going to learn some moves. – lilarose8
18.
My daughter was a messy teenager who had to be told to clean her room. She had a habit of letting dishes pile up on her nightstand. We were on her a*s constantly about not letting dishes especially sports bottles of juice sit around because they ferment. Well one day the husband and I were is our bedroom and heard an explosion and our daughter scream. We ran to her room to find one of her bottles of juice had finally given in to the pressure of the fermented juice and literally blew to pieces. The explosion was so powerful the top left a hole in her ceiling and there were tiny pieces of sports bottle shrapnel everywhere. She’s my smart one. – Sdunn1980
19.
3 year old is preparing for his bath. His underwear looks strange but I’m distracted his brother. Kid takes off one pair of underwear, then a 2nd pair, then a 3rd. I ask why he is wearing 3 pairs of underwear. Kid looks at me like I’m an idiot, “Mom told me to put on a clean pair every day”.
That nonautistic kid grew up to place the highest in math in our large Midwestern city. But even in his 20’s you have to make sure you give clear instructions as he will follow rules to the letter. – anon
20.
I asked my kids what the biggest dinosaur was and my oldest (15Y/O male) said paleontologist without skipping a beat. That’s when I knew I was in trouble. Then my friend told my 10-year old that the dirt on the car tasted like candy, so he licked it. He tried to get his 6-year-old brother to do it but even he wasn’t falling for it. At least 3 out of 5 kids will move out of my house eventually. – Hunterchick212
21.
My dad is a truck driver, so I was the adult male figure in my kid sister’s life. One day when she was around 14 or so, I took her to McDonalds for dinner and i asked her what she wanted and she said McNuggets.
I pull up to the speaker and start ordering. “Hello, I’ll take an 8 piece McNuggets with a High C.”
My sister quickly reminds me tell them no onions.
“I’ll also take a Quarter pounder meal with a sprite”
Sister again says “no onions!”
the cashier asked will that complete your order?
sister getting mad, says “no onions!!!”
“Yes, that will be all” I say calmly and I pull forward. My sister is getting really pissed and asked “Why didnt you tell them no onions on mine?!?!?”
I look at her and say just as loudly “ON YOUR CHICKEN NUGGETS!?!?!?”
It dawned on her and she couldn’t look up and show her face when I asked the cashier at the window to please make sure there are no onions on her order of McNuggets. – Daecoth
22.
I don’t think he’s an idiot but I think he lacks common sense because he’ll take a bite of food, it will be scalding hot. He’ll cry and act like he’s dying, but won’t spit it out. He’ll say “Mommy it’s hot!!” And I’ll say “Well I told you to wait for it to cool down,” or “Then blow on it” or something to that effect. He will say no, and then continue taking scalding hot bites and crying that it’s too hot.
In his defense his father’s the same way. – anon
23.
My son yelled at me from outside to come get his toy from the grass (he was standing in the driveway). When I asked why he couldn’t get it himself he explained he was only wearing one shoe. When I asked why he was only wearing one shoe he replied that he could only find one sock. – southernfriedfossils
24.
He knew there was a frozen pizza in the garage but couldn’t find it. Didn’t even think to check the freezer. – axnu
25.
I had my sister text my mom that she forgot her phone at home. – pigboat3
26.
“I need, like, a jacket for my legs.” – said by my 13 year old who does know what pants are. – WasabiChickpea
27.
His car battery died while be was parked at the storage unit while he was home on leave from the army.
Come to find out he had turned off the car to save gas, but had left the heat/ blowers, and seat warmers on so his girlfriend wouldn’t get cold.
He’s in Army Intelligence. – sirnoodleloaf
28.
I’ve got myself one of those smart idiots. 4.0 middle schooler. Cannot operate a door, buckle, lock or latch even if she seen it before. Has twice caught the microwave on fire trying to make popcorn, we’re not even sure how. I don’t think she could find her way to her friends house around three corners if her life depended on it.
Hopefully she will find some sort of job near her house that requires deductive reasoning but maybe doesn’t have its own office with the key. – anon
29.
My 14 yr old soon went into a dressing room to try on 5 pairs of pants. After waiting 15 min and yelling twice into the men’s dressing room to see if was ok, he admitted he could find the shorts he had worn in. He gave me 3 pairs of the pants and still couldn’t find them. I finally had to go into the stall to look. They were balled up in the leg of one of the pair of pants. It was extremely noticeable. He swore he took his shorts off before trying on any of the pants so he didn’t think to look in them. I was speechless. He’s in the gifted and talented program in our school district. – hillarysp
30.
My brother couldn’t remember the proper name for shoes so he called them ‘foot houses’. Mum confirmed that day that at least one of her teenage children was a bit doughy up top. – horsesarse17