30 Married Men Share What They Do When They’re Finally Left Home Alone

Time alone as a husband with children is a rare and precious occurrence.

You love your wife and kids. Of course you do. But having some time away from it all feels like a reset your brain and body desperately need every now and again.

No kids fighting over whose turn it is on the Nintendo. No wife nagging you to come into the kitchen so you can reload the dishwasher the “right” way. Just you and yourself and some much needed peace and quiet.

But what’s a man to do with all that free time and an empty house? Reddit user u/Kitkatcrusher asked just that.

Men of Reddit, what’s the first thing you do when the wife and kids just left the house for a few hours?

And married men chimed in with their ideal home alone situations, from cooking what they want to eat to just relaxing and enjoying being alone with their thoughts.

Scroll on for the best responses.

1.

I don’t speak. I don’t play music. I don’t have the TV on. I sit, in complete silence, reading my phone or whatever, but not having to answer anybody’s questions, not having to listen to anybody. Just complete silence for at least 15 minutes.
One time my wife took the kids out of town for the weekend with her sister. From Friday night when I got home from work until Monday morning when I went back, I didn’t speak a word. I just…existed. I watched shows, I played games, I drank some whiskey and smoked a cigar. I cleaned and did laundry.

I didn’t speak. I didn’t have to answer anyone’s questions.

2.

So not me but my dad thought my mom took all of us but I was actually home and he laid down and started talking to the dog and telling her how good she is and how she does such a good job protecting the house.

3.

A while ago I spent a week alone in my house while my wife and kids visited distant family. It was glorious.
I made the food I wanted to eat, every meal was excellent. I chose a movie I wanted to watch, nobody complained. I sat in silence, nobody drilled me with questions. I cleaned up after myself, nobody else was there to immediately undo my work. I got several home improvement projects done, working on them undisturbed for 4-5 hours at a time. I slept starfish-style in the bed, no fear of elbowing anyone. I could think for hours at a time, no interruptions.

I made sure to tell my wife everything productive I had done when she called, and also how difficult the home improvement projects were, let alone my full-time job. I wanted her to think she was the one on vacation, not me. After all, I was the one who was “just at home”. But the truth really was that I hadn’t experienced true peace and quiet for many years, and it brought me a wonderful joy.

4.

Idk but it’s not gonna involve pants.

5.

Take five decorative pillows off the bed and put them in the closet till the morning of her return.

6.

I cook a package of bacon and save the drippings. I cook basically everything in that fat until it’s gone.
Wife and daughter are vegetarian.

7.

I sit and stare at the wall wondering when my entire reason for existing will return, and if they brought me chocolate.

8.

I sit in silence. No music, no mess, no having to please everyone. Just… Temporary peace.
I want to emphasize that, as a hot-blooded male with porn access at my fingertips, I fantasize about being alone in quiet darkness and this is more valuable to me than my biological urges.

This is how exhausting raising a family is.

9.

I’m not trying to sound cheesy, but I tidy up because my wife works hard and has a pretty stressful job.

10.

Turn off the lights that were left on in every room and closet.

11.

Sit in silence/nap. My wife knows when I need some downtime and she takes the kids out for a few hours. She is amazing.

12.

FINALLY a chance to clean up without anyone in the way!
Turn up the music and bust out the broom and mop and rags! 8D

Go outside for a smoke and get to it! 8D.

13.

Watch my TV shows and movies I can’t watch around them.

14.

Nap.

15.

A few years ago I had started a new job. We were planning to go on vacation with the in-laws, but the new job kept me from being able to go… they went without me and left me home by myself for 10 days. Also, the job was remote so I was home alone for 10 days…
You know what I did … don’t think I wore clothes the whole time they were gone….

16.

Do a bunch of chores and stuff while I daydream about what I’m going to do when I have free time. This lasts until they return.

17.

S**t with the door open and yell while doing it.

18.

Usually housework. Funny enough, my wife and kids are usually fine with me playing video games, doing hobbies, or generally having time to myself, unless I’m doing housework. Dishes take 10 minutes when I’m home alone, they take 20+ minutes when I’m trying to juggle conversations and dodge people walking through the kitchen. I can do a load of dishes, a couple loads of laundry, vacuum the carpets, and do some basic picking up in less than an hour when I’m home alone. It’s a multi-hour task when I’m not.
If my wife leaves for 2 hours, I can get the whole house picked up and then goof off with the kids or on my own for the rest of the day without stressing over the house. It’s also a bonus that I can crank up whatever music I want with no complaints or fold laundry while watching garbage TV shows that my wife doesn’t like.

19.

Amplifier goes to 11.

20.

Turn the AC down.

21.

Usually I go to bed and take a nap. I don’t like to be seen napping (I have a complex about being seen as lazy) and I like the chance to have the bed to myself.

22.

It’s happened once. I got incredibly high, forgot to make myself dinner, and stayed up till 3am playing video games on a school night and crushed like 10 beers.
So either that or panic and apologize.

23.

Start a violent movie. Something the kids can’t watch and something she wouldn’t be interested in.

24.

Had this the other day. I ate 1.5g mushrooms and watched *Avatar* while listening to a podcast doing a commentary on *Avatar*.

25.

This is more for when the wife went out of town for a couple of days…
Back in my early 20s, I would immediately pull the mattress off the bed and drag it into the living room, drive to Hooters and grab a giant bucket of wings, then come home and sit on my living room bed eating wings while watching porn.

Now, in my mid-40s, I fire up Farming Simulator and an audiobook.

26.

Cry.

27.

I put on a cute dress and start dancing to the sound of “Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazzarus.

28.

Video games.

29.

Work and clean in peace.

30.

Hop on the computer and get comfy.

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