Alex Buscemi
The English language could do a lot better.
Luckily, the good people of Reddit are suggesting new names for badly named things after u/johnnylgarfield posed the following question:
The responses were as funny as they were creative.
Dentures should be called substitooths. Emotional baggage should be called a grief-case. And bisexual should be ambisextrous.
Scroll on for more words that should be added to the dictionary yesterday.
1.
I’m not the first to say it, but “pick-up artists” and “garbage men” should swap titles.
2.
Why is a group of squid called a shoal when it should be called a squad?
3.
Dentures. Should be Substitooths.
4.
Jet ski. Dumb name. Obviously it is a Boatercycle.
5.
I keep seeing people say that contractions should be birthquakes.
6.
S’mores flavored Oreos are NOT called “S’moreos.” I mean, what are they even paying their marketing people for?
7.
“Randomized Double Blind Trial” should be “Trick or Treatment”.
8.
Emotional baggage should be called grief-case.
9.
Miscarriages. Think about that – it’s essentially accusing the woman for “mis-carrying” the pregnancy. It places the blame on women for something that’s almost always outside of their control, and traumatic to boot. A much better and more descriptive term would be “pregnancy loss”.
10.
Any bacon alternative that is not named Fācon is an abomination.
11.
Otto Preminger wrote his own biography and failed to title it Otto-Biography. Once in a lifetime pun, and he just threw it away.
12.
Bee Hotels – lil wooden structure that solitary bees can nest in from time to time. But seriously, who was the marketing genius that decided NOT to call them all “Bee&Bee”s?
13.
I can’t believe I’m the first to say sexual tension should be renamed to Bangxiety.
14.
Hot water heater. It’s really a cold water heater.
15.
Butterflies should be Flutterbys.
16.
Now You See Me 2. Should have been Now You Don’t.
17.
Daylight savings. Should be “pointlessly mess up everyone’s sleep cycle”.
18.
Hedgehog. Should be Needlemouse.
19.
From a sign outside of a bar: Why is it called bisexual when ambisextrous is right there?
20.
Whoever coined the phrase Dad Bod really missed out on Father Figure.
21.
Shipments go by land, but cargo goes by sea. That s**t needs to be reversed.
22.
Weather forecast is boring. Weather prophecy is awesome.
23.
A group of raccoons is called a “gaze” when the word “heist” is right there.
24.
Narwhals should be renamed tunacorns.
25.
Cornhole needs to be changed back to Bean Bag Toss.
26.
A red onion is quite clearly a purple onion.
27.
Hemorrhoids should be asteroids obv.
28.
Hand sanitizer should just be hanitizer. All toddlers say it that way and it’s easier.
29.
My stepdad randomly called the fridge/freezers the oracles of food and it stuck. “Let me ask the oracles of food” sounds way more bad*ss than “let me check what we have in the freezer”.
30.
“Lisp” should be renamed to anything without an S in it.
31.
Astronomers should be called skyintists.
32.
I am giving a serious response. 1. Borderline Personality Disorder is not being on the line between two different things. It is having difficulty regulating emotions. 2. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is not a lack of attention or an overabundance of activity. It is the brain moving too quickly and the body can’t keep up. It is needing to structure things differently to be functional. 3. Sexual Desire/Interest/Arousal Disorder is not a disorder at all. It is a different sexual orientation: asexuality.
33.
Mini corn dogs should be called corn puppies!!!
34.
My daughter said podcasts should be called Ear TV, which I wholeheartedly agree with esp as the name podcasts is basically anachronistic now with the demise of iPods. She also said bras should be called b**bytraps – she should probably go into advertising.
35.
The Great Molasses Flood/Boston Molasses Disaster should have been called The Boston Molassecre.
36.
Almond Milk. Should be called “Nut Juice”!
37.
[Breasts] sweat —> humidititties.
38.
A driveway should be a parkway and a parkway should be a driveway.
39.
Not original but I love the idea of butt dials being booty calls.
40.
Veterinarian. Should be a dogtor.
Read More: 40 Hilarious Examples Of “Redneck Engineering” Proving It Ain’t Dumb If It Works