Alex Buscemi
TikTok content creator Pace Webb, known on the platform as @ourhomeflows, has stirred up a heated conversation with her controversial approach to achieving a more equal parenting dynamic with her husband.
In her video, Webb revealed her strategy for encouraging her husband to take on more parenting responsibility: simply responding, “I don’t know” when he asked questions about their child’s care and the household.
“I stopped answering every question he could figure out for himself,” she says in the clip.
“It may sound kind of harsh, but if you’re always answering the questions, they’re just gonna keep asking you, and you’re going to be the one who does all the thinking.”
Webb responds to her husband’s parenting questions with “I don’t know,” which forces him to become an “equal parent”
According to Webb, answering his question with a simple “I don’t know” forces her husband to figure things out on his own, pushing him to step up and become an equal parent.
“If you keep answering all the questions, you are not empowering them to be an equal parent,” Webb explained in her video, which quickly garnered attention from viewers.
Some commenters it as a clever way to challenge traditional parenting roles, while others thought her method came off as passive-aggressive.
One user commented, “This is brilliant! More parents need to learn how to share the load.”
Another commenter echoed these sentiments, writing, “Moms are burnt out because we’re the ones constantly juggling everything. This makes perfect sense.”
On the other hand, some viewers found Webb’s approach too harsh and lacking the mutual support they believe should exist in a partnership.
One commenter voiced concerns, saying, “Isn’t the point of marriage to help each other? This seems like you’re just shutting him out.”
Another added, “This is only going to build resentment. It’s not about winning or losing.”
Webb implemented this strategy after learning traditional family roles were unsustainable for them
Webb, who describes herself as a wellness-focused mom and home advocate, defended her strategy by explaining that the traditional parenting roles they had fallen into were unsustainable.
The mother wrote on her website: “No one tells you about the time and mental load caring for another human takes! On top of having a career, the expectation for mothers to continue to be the ‘CEO’ of the household is simply outdated.
“I realized that I wasn’t sharing the workload of caring for our child or household with my husband, and although he was willing to do anything I asked, the fact that I held all the keys was too much to balance while having a demanding career.”
She shared that the mental load—the invisible burden of managing the family’s needs—was weighing heavily on her, leaving her feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.
“I was doing everything,” Webb said. “I needed him to take more initiative so that I could breathe.”
Webb also acknowledges that this tactic may not work for everyone and should be tailored to individual relationships.
Watch her videos here
@ourhomeflows 💫 Comment CHANGE if you are drowning in the Mental Load of Motherhood, and I’ll send you some resources that changed the game for me when it came to getting my hubs to participate in the domestic workload. 👉🏽 Follow @ourhomeflows for more tips on how to have hard conversations around the mental load with your spouse and how to get more time back for yourself! 🧘🏻♀️ #mentalload #momburnout #communicationskills #communicationtips #mompreneur #momlife #mom #mompreneur #motherhood #parenting #marriage #marriagegoals #marriageadvice #marriagetips #marriagehelp #marriagelife #workingmom #workingmomlife #exhaustedmommy #parentingadvice #newmom #momguilt #modernmotherhood #consciousparenting #cyclebreakers #ig_motherhood #toddlermomlife #honestmotherhood #momtruth #mentalloadofmotherhood
https://www.tiktok.com/@ourhomeflows/video/7413852185399692575
The video sparked a wide range of reactions from commenters
H/T Bored Panda