Alex Buscemi
Friendships can be tricky to navigate, especially when subtle red flags start to appear.
Sometimes, it’s the smallest behaviors or patterns that end up saying the most about a person.
In this Reddit thread, u/1-800-shankyou asked people to share the friendship red flags that caught them off guard, the ones that might not seem obvious until you’re already knee-deep in the relationship.
Whether it’s one-sided effort, shady comments, or patterns of behavior that don’t sit right, these stories offer a reminder to trust your gut and pay attention to the little things.
They might not scream “warning sign” right away, but as these folks have learned, they’re worth noticing before things get messy.
1.
You get nervous and have to be really careful what you say because anything can set them off.
2.
The biggest indication is you go “ugh” when you see their name on your phone. Think about why you have that reaction.
3.
Always one-upping. This doesn’t refer to sharing their own story in response to yours, that’s pretty normal. It’s more about how you can never have the focus remain on you, it always becomes about them.
4.
Shifting the blame onto someone else each time it’s actually their fault.
5.
Treating you differently when you’re around other people—acting embarrassed, disgusted, condescendingly, reserved. It happened to me personally and it took a while for me to understand it fully, but babes don’t stick your necks out for someone who wouldn’t even lift a pinky for you.
6.
They don’t actually bother to message you. If you message first, they’ll engage for a bit, but not actually message you first.
7.
They only talk about themselves… that’s literally the only noise coming from their face hole.
8.
Feeling like they’re trying to micromanage you. I had a former friend who, among other things, would constantly be monitoring everything I said/posted on social media. I already have to deal with a lack of privacy at home. If I can choose not to associate with someone who doesn’t respect boundaries, then I won’t.
9.
If they do something wrong and end up giving you the cold shoulder because you get mad at them for it, and you end up being the one to mend the bridge even though they were the one who did something wrong… yeah that’s a bad sign.
10.
Being interrupted mid-sentence constantly. We all interrupt sometimes, but when it’s frequent and one is unable to finish even a story, opinion, or train of thought, then it’s pretty obvious that friend is not interested in you—not really.
11.
Unquestionable support. Some people I know have a very loyal group of friends and it drives me insane and I really want to keep my distance from that bunch. Because I know what happens if any of their friends once criticizes them—they are able to cut off friendship altogether at once because of that.
12.
When it feels as though you do all the giving and they do all the taking.
13.
Expecting me to 100% back them even if they’re clearly in the wrong.
14.
It’s not always what they do. It’s often how you react to what they do. When you start overlooking red flags because you really like someone, it’s important to recognize it and allow yourself to make a rational decision. So many non-obvious red flags happen because we don’t want to see them. We are happy and don’t want to believe them. But it’s better to be rational early than realize you’re stuck later on.
15.
You always come out of an argument feeling exhausted and nothing was really solved. This CAN be obvious, but it’s also easy to write off as the conversation not working out. Getting to the root of the problem is important. The people who fight against that are generally going to be pretty toxic, whether they mean to be or not.
16.
Plans always have to be whatever they want, and they get sulky if you want to do something you enjoy.
17.
When they’re obsessively competitive. Such as when you share a bad experience, they go and say “That’s it?” then say that their experiences are worse.
18.
They love everything you love. This is one that feels good because it happens in the beginning of the friendships that turn out to be super f****d up. If it’s movies or music you have in common that’s one thing, but if it’s EVERYTHING, then that’s when you take a giant step back.
19.
‘I seem to attract people who are s****y friends.’ Said to me by someone who boundary stomped, gossiped, talked about herself incessantly, Facebook stalked my other friends, got jealous when I spoke to people who weren’t her, and tried to insert herself into every part of my life during the 18 months we knew each other.
20.
How they act around girls. They could talk you up or talk you down a bit in front of them for a laugh. Can be in good fun, depending, but there’s a hard-to-see line there some friends cross.
21.
When a friend is only friends with you for what they can gain from you and won’t respect your boundaries, that’s a red flag. True friends should respect you if you need to take a step back.
22.
When they can’t keep plans consistent. If they’re consistently last-minute dropping/changing plans, then it’s a sign that you’re their second-best option. You’re their backup if nothing else is better.
23.
When they seem to have lots of issues with people they were friends with in the past.
24.
If you always feel like s**t around them.
25.
They have another group of friends you’re never invited to hang out with even though you invite them to hang out with your other friend groups.
26.
They don’t tell you things, and you dismiss it as them being private. Then you find out later that they’ve known something for ages that, if they’d cared to share it, you could have avoided some fairly painful stuff.
27.
When you make positive life changes and they say things like “you didn’t used to be like that.”
28.
They keep pressuring you to take out life insurance.
29.
When someone is more respectful towards strangers and other people than the people they are with you.
30.
When they only make an effort when they’re single and bring their partner to every meet-up when they’re taken.