Alex Buscemi
1.
My last straw was when my partner of seven years said that “any ounce of attraction [he had] for me was extinguished” because of my weight gain. Mind you, I was only ten pounds heavier, and it was because I carried and birthed our baby girl! This was after I almost died during labor and did the majority of the parenting and household tasks. He never offered to help, and anytime I asked, he always had an excuse. The fact that he could say that to me when he had a daughter made me realize I would never want my daughter to end up with a guy like her father.
2.
I got a new job offer at a reputable firm, and my new salary was nearly on par with his. When I told him my remuneration package, he said, “I think you’ve got your figures wrong.” He couldn’t stand the fact that I was nearly at his level with less experience and was getting job interviews here and there. We worked in the same industry.
3.
Our landlord was threatening to evict us because my husband had been lying about paying his share of the rent, and we were behind. When I got home from work and found out, he wasn’t home. Two days went by, and he never came home—no answers to my calls or texts. I got worried he was hurt and called people he knew, asking if they had seen him. Turns out, he’d gone on vacation to St. Louis with his family without telling me. My cousin was in law school and stepped in to wrangle the landlord, and I wound up having to take one of those shady payday loans to pay off his rent debt. But without my cousin’s help, it would have been way worse, as in thousands of dollars worse. He came home while my cousin was still there, and when I told him how grateful I was for her, he turned to her and said, “Nobody needs you; I could have handled it on my own. You did a bad job.” My cousin was so insulted. I just realized if he would leave me high and dry with no communication just to have fun and spit in the face of someone who had just saved him thousands of dollars, he wasn’t a kind person. I moved out.
4.
I worked for a school district for five and a half years. My assignment was toxic, and I ended up being fired on Valentine’s Day because I wouldn’t do extra work that wasn’t required of my colleagues. I had to pack up my whole desk in front of a vice principal, someone from HR, and a union rep. I wasn’t able to grab the flowers my husband had sent me because I was escorted out and the boxes were placed in my car for me. I arrived home, relieved to be out of the situation. My husband looked at me and asked where the flowers were. I explained how I wasn’t able to grab them because of the situation and how stressful it was (the HR person had spent 30 minutes yelling at me). He told me how horrible I was for forgetting them and how much I disrespected him and our relationship. He stopped speaking to me as a punishment. I knew that was it.
5.
The last straw for me was when I cut my hair from my hips to just above my shoulders. It was somewhere strong of two feet of hair, and my husband didn’t notice until I pointed it out a week later. That’s when I made my exit strategy. I left my ring on the counter, and my stuff was gone a week later. He didn’t even try to fight it. He simply didn’t care anymore.
6.
My last straw was learning that after four years of marriage, my husband had given me an STD. He denied that he had cheated on me, and instead insisted that I must have cheated on him and gotten it! I realized then all of the lies, neglect, and verbal abuse from him was how the rest of the marriage was going to be, so I left him.
7.
My last straw was when he called me stupid in the drive-thru line at Burger King. The day before, I found out he had gone behind my back and told his mom not to help me get loans for school (which she had been fine with doing). She told me he was worried that if I got educated, then I’d leave him. When I brought it up in line at Burger King the next night, I had intended to tell him I didn’t plan to leave him once I had completed my studies. But he opened his mouth first. He said I was stupid, and I didn’t need to waste my time and money on going to school. So, I got out of the car and walked away, because I was done.
8.
I was taking pre-reqs for nursing school, working full-time and doing my classes at night. One day I dropped my 3-year-old and 6-month-old off with their dad and headed to class. I came home five hours later—about 10 p.m.—and could hear my infant screaming bloody murder as I pulled into the driveway. Rushing inside, I found my (now ex) sleeping on the couch while my 3-year-old was dirty and running all over the place and my baby had soaked through her diaper and was covered in feces. After cleaning her up and putting both kids to bed, I woke up my husband to ask, “WTF?!” His response: “Well, you know I don’t change diapers.” Then, he went to bed. Nope, that was it. I was done. It’s been 16 years since my divorce. Best decision ever!
9.
My long distance relationship/fiancé (six years together) claimed him doing something good in a video game was equivalent to me founding a theatre company and running my first auditions as a director. We argued about it pretty viciously, and it brought up all the other times he was jealous because I had true passions in life while he never found any. I decided then that we were going to have to end things. It was hard, because he was a great guy other than the constant jealousy with my life and career. I also didn’t want to be married to someone who was addicted to gaming—I love gaming, but that’s all he did besides his 9–5. Now he is married, and I’m engaged to the love of my life who has many passions and hobbies and supports mine without fail.
10.
We dated for eight years, were married for 18, and had two kids and a house in the suburbs. The gaslighting and fighting had been escalating for years, but we stayed together for the sake of the kids. My last straw was one Christmas morning. We always filled the children’s stockings, then I would fill my husband’s, while he filled mine. Tradition. He was in his recliner pouting that last Christmas we were still together. We were opening gifts (everyone except me). My 7-year-old son noticed mommy didn’t have any gifts to open, so he went to get my stocking, which had always been filled in the past. It was empty. The empty stocking did not bother me. What hurt me was the way I watched my son’s face drop and turn very somber. He didn’t know what to do. In his mind, ‘Santa’ didn’t fill mommy’s stocking. My ex was trying to hurt me, but hurt my son instead. Never again would I allow that to happen.
11.
In 2015, my family lost my 36-year-old brother suddenly and unexpectedly in a car accident. My husband at the time would not comfort me in any way—would not hug me, would not pick up the slack with housework, etc. We had to go to another state eight hours away for the funeral. My brother died on the 11th of the month, and my husband’s birthday was on the 19th of the same month. When his birthday rolled around, my husband said, “I’m just really sad that I don’t get a call from your brother today on my birthday.” My husband’s handling of the whole situation was the beginning of the end. He barely knew my brother and acted so victimized by the whole thing. What an odd thing to say and think.
12.
I was with a guy for 10 years, and we had a 6-year-old daughter at the time. I suspected cheating after he started spending more and more time away from home. On one of his days off, he took our daughter to an arcade. Later that night, I was giving her a bath, and she told me that Carla went with them. He had his girlfriend hang out with them! I told him that I knew, and he said, “Well, I’ll just move out then,” and I said, “Great!” It was hard adjusting at first, but I’m so glad we’re not together anymore.
13.
The moment I was done was when this moron of a man screamed, “You are a woman! Know your place!” during a ridiculous argument. I just felt it immediately, and when those words came out of his mouth, it was over. I really liked that man, but thank God he said it when he did, as we were looking at apartments together at the time.
14.
It sounds so trivial, but the last straw for me was when we were eating lunch out together. We decided to split two entrees that sounded good to both of us—a hamburger and a shrimp po’boy. He didn’t order his hamburger without onions or even with them on the side. I hate onions, and I hate having to pick them off because the flavor remains on the food. I had the sudden realization that he simply didn’t care about me or what I wanted. I know he didn’t forget—he admitted that when I asked. He just didn’t think it was a big deal. It was 6+ years of everything that mattered to me, small or not, being “no big deal.”
15.
I’d been with my significant other for seven years when I was diagnosed with stage III colon cancer. I was immediately given chemo and radiation to shrink the tumor prior to surgery. During the fifth and final week, I was hospitalized with a blood clot, and when I was released nine days later, my boyfriend wanted to go out partying that night, leaving me alone. He went “dark” for the next 24 hours, not answering calls or texts. I had to ask his sister to go pick up meds at the pharmacy because he was MIA! I told him we were done shortly after.
16.
I was in a long-distance relationship that was abusive in every way except physical. I had taken the leap to follow my dreams and move away to finish college on a hard-earned scholarship. School was going really well, and I was making new friends and having great experiences. My boyfriend and I video-chatted every night, mostly because he had trust issues, and made it very clear that seeing me every day was mandatory. One night, I was talking about my day and explained some good news I had received. He got angry and told me, “When I hear about how well you’re doing, it really pisses me off. You shouldn’t be that happy when you’re far away from me, because I’m miserable when I’m not with you.” I don’t know why, but that statement just broke something in me. That was the exact moment I finally realized this person was going to ruin my life and that I would never have a chance at joy if I ended up with him. I broke up with him that night and never looked back. One of the best decisions I ever made!
17.
I was in couple’s therapy, and my now ex-husband told the therapist that sometimes he wished he could punch me in the face. I told her I felt unsafe because he had assaulted me before. The next morning, I got an order of protection based on his threat and the physical assault, changed the locks, and ended the relationship.
18.
The last straw was after four years. I’d moved about three hours away, and a friend pointed out that I drove three and a half hours every weekend to visit him, and he’d never made the effort to visit me because he “was afraid his car would get hit because it’s the city.” He never visited, not once in the two years we were in a long-distance relationship. Turns out, he was cheating during the week and on the weekends I couldn’t go down. Waste of four years of my life. I owe my friend a lot for pointing out his behavior.
19.
We were married for 20 years. I moved across the country for his job, had three children, managed the house and the kids, and worked full-time. During that time, I developed a chronic autoimmune disease, and my physician wanted to meet with my husband and me to discuss it. I cleared the date and time for the appointment with my husband beforehand. On the morning of the appointment, he was walking out the door to go to a work meeting. I reminded him of our appointment in half an hour, and he said he had to go to the work one because it was more important. I knew then I meant nothing to him. On top of this, he’d taken vacations without me. We had been to marriage counseling unsuccessfully several times. He was selfish, critical, and manipulative in so many ways. He was so surprised when I left.
20.
My husband and I had just hit our 15-year anniversary, and I was not feeling celebratory at all. We went to counseling, and it was obvious my husband was telling the therapist what she wanted to hear, but his actions at home stayed the same. We tried going on a date to continue working on our relationship, and while eating pizza, I saw a glimpse of his phone. The screen looked like it had a sexy woman on it. I asked about it, and after some questioning, he finally let on that he had started watching porn. He then decided to blame me for him getting addicted to it since we weren’t having as much sex. He was literally yelling at me in the middle of the restaurant, saying, “What do you expect me to do?!” We were devout Christians, and I finally had an out that was “acceptable.” I never told anyone in the church, so they still don’t know the real side of him. I was relieved to finally be done.
21.
After five years of dating my ex-boyfriend, I finally asked him one night over dinner, “Where is this going?” His exact response was, “Whoa…don’t put a timer on me.” It was right at that moment that a switch flipped in my head, and I knew I was done. I broke up with him soon after. He did try for a long time to rekindle things, but I couldn’t get back to how I felt before he said that.
22.
I had been dating this man for a few months when I realized I was expectant. I lived in a different city, so he wasn’t aware of the pregnancy for some time. I informed him, and he sounded OK with it. I gave birth to a baby girl. We moved in with him immediately, but he wasn’t happy. He was always irritable most of the time, and it was uncomfortable. One evening, he came from work with a colleague, and we were having tea. Out of nowhere, the colleague said loudly to him, “You have been complaining that this is not your baby, but she really resembles you every bit.” I just knew it was over. What followed was dead silence in the room. I left the following morning, and now 27 years later, I have never looked back. My daughter has recently graduated from medical school, and I am so proud of her. She’s my world. I don’t regret having left him when I did.
23.
My long-term boyfriend took off work to take me to the doctor to remove a pre-cancerous lesion. He bitched because he hadn’t slept well. When we got home, he went right into the bedroom and was snoring almost instantly. I went to the couch so I could get some rest. When I woke up a few hours later, I asked him to help me warm up some lunch. He kept putting it off, and I waited for over two hours. I was the one having surgery, and the whole day, it was all about him! I woke him up and threw him out of our apartment and never looked back!
24.
He was in a club when I went into labor. I had been showing signs for days, but he still went. When I said I was leaving, he told me I should fight for our relationship. Ha! No thanks. Bye.
25.
I asked him to look after my cat while I was on a three-week work trip. When I got home, I noticed how my cat ran to hide or out of the room each time he walked in, so I asked him about this skittishness. He didn’t know and assured me that nothing happened while I was away. Still, I couldn’t shake off the feeling and didn’t like how uncomfortable my cat was around him during his visits. In spite of knowing for sure whether he did something or not, I ended our relationship and asked him not to visit again. Not only was my cat’s well-being a major concern, but I figured if he did something to make my cat fearful of him, there was a decent chance that I’d be afraid of him as well someday.
26.
The beginning of the end was when my grandmother passed away. Her funeral was on February 14. My now-ex offered little support during this time. As February 14 approached, he asked me what our plans were for Valentine’s Day. I just looked at him for a minute, confused and stunned that he had actually asked me that. I replied with, “My grandmother’s funeral.” He said we could go out after it or on the weekend. I should have left him then and there, but we had just bought a house together. I had lost all respect and feelings for him at that point, though, and things drastically got worse. We went our separate ways later that year.
27.
I was with my (now ex) boyfriend for over two years at this point. We didn’t live together, so occasionally (like, once or twice a week) if I saw something fun or interesting that made me happy or that I thought he’d enjoy, I’d text him about it and sometimes send a picture. For me, it was a good way to stay connected and show I was thinking about him. He would never respond to what I sent with much excitement or feeling, which wasn’t completely abnormal for his personality, but I figured he at least appreciated the thought behind it. One day, there was a really cute dog next to me at a stoplight with custom gear in a custom van, which I thought was just all-around unique and funny. So, I sent a pic and joked about how this was such a cool dog and setup. His response was, “Why would I care, it’s not my dog. I don’t get why you send me stupid stuff like this.” There were plenty of red flags before this, but his response was such a blatant example of his selfishness and lack of empathy or any interest in my life. I ended things a few weeks later. I have no time for people who shame me for having joy and excitement for life.
28.
I was with my husband for 10 years when I finally figured out that even though he was brilliant, he was essentially an incurious person. We were on the brink of ending our marriage, not sure if it could be saved, when my sister (whom I am very close to and who had kept her opinions about him mostly to herself) finally told me that my husband had never asked her a single question about herself. In that moment, every dissatisfying piece of our relationship came together like a puzzle, and I suddenly had laser focus on something that had eluded me for years. So many of the problems between us stemmed from the fact that at his core, he simply wasn’t interested in seeing things from any perspective other than his own. Once I figured that out, it became abundantly clear that I wasn’t going to have any success at making our marriage work. He would never really *see* me. I was done contorting myself to meet his narrow expectations, when he would never meet me even close to halfway. I packed my things and left less than a month later, and I haven’t looked back.
H/T BuzzFeed
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