Nate
Love can make you overlook a lot—until one day you’re staring at your partner wondering how they’ve made it this far in life without accidentally setting themselves on fire. A Reddit thread asked people to share the moment they realized they were married to or dating someone who might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, and the internet delivered.
Some of these relationships stood the test of time. Others… not so much. Either way, the replies were a mix of hilarious, baffling, and painfully relatable to anyone who’s ever loved someone with the common sense of a wet sock.
Here are the funniest, most forehead-slapping moments people shared—proving that sometimes love isn’t just blind, it’s straight-up delusional.
1. “No Speed Limit in the Fast Lane”
“My wife recently told me she shouldn’t have gotten a speeding ticket because she was in ‘the fast lane.’ I asked her why that matters, and she looked at me like I was an idiot and said, ‘Because there’s no speed limit. That’s why it’s called the fast lane!’”
2. “Worst Birthday Ever”
“My ex-husband had a 40th birthday party for me. He only invited his parents, his brother and his best friend. He didn’t invite anyone for me.”
3. “When My Date Said the Earth Is Flat”
“I was dating a girl—an engineer, of all things. We got along pretty well, but she was super far-right, and I’m more on the left. Still, I figured, okay, fair enough.
One day, we were talking about topics we disagreed on—guns, abortion, the usual hot-button stuff. Then I brought up global warming, and she goes, ‘Well, you know global warming is just fiction created by the U.S. to control poorer countries and stop them from developing, right?’
I laughed and said, ‘Sure. What’s next? You’re gonna tell me the Earth is flat?’
And then… she did.”
4. “Turns Out They’re Anti-Vaxxers”
“I think a lot of us found we were living with anti-science anti-vaxxers. Didn’t see that coming.”
5. “She Didn’t Believe in Dinosaurs”
“I didn’t consider her a f*****g idiot for it, but my last GF before meeting my wife randomly dropped in conversation she didn’t believe in dinosaurs. It was something like:
Me: ‘It’s crazy people think that, it’s like not believing in dinosaurs.’
Her: ‘Well, dinosaurs didn’t exist.’
Me: ‘……what should we do for dinner.’
I was flabbergasted for a week, couldn’t wrap my head around it. When she finally asked, ‘You’ve been different, what’s wrong?’ I basically exploded with, ‘Seriously?!? F*****g dinosaurs are fakes????’ And we parted ways.
The first date with my now-wife, I asked, ‘Do you believe in dinosaurs?’ And she responded with something like, ‘Are you an idiot? It’s not a belief… they did, it’s science,’ and I breathed a sigh of relief.
And then I was like, ‘Sure. Now next you’ll tell me the Earth is flat.’
And she did just that.”
6. “Mop Before You Sweep”
“When he yelled at me and said, ‘You’re supposed to mop before you sweep.'”
Careless-Reach1722 replied:
“I went silent for a minute after reading this.”
7. “It’s Just F*ing Stupid”
“Everything she doesn’t understand is just ‘f*****g stupid.’
Home loans and mortgage rates? ‘Well what’s the point in a down payment if you pay it off over 30 years? What even is escrow? It’s just f*****g stupid. Why can’t they just get us a house?’
Flight times: ‘Why the fk are we flying at 12:45? Wouldn’t it make more sense to go at 10? It’s f***g stupid.’
Documentary of any kind: ‘What? No, that’s f*****g stupid. No way that’s real.’
Not to mention, she could not—or flat-out refused—to figure out what bills were, how much they were, and when they were due. She f****d up our savings multiple times because she couldn’t figure out how to write s**t down on a calendar, and I’d have to back-pay it all with late fees.
Don’t even dare ask her to set up direct deposit: ‘That’s f*****g stupid. What if I need the money for something else that day?’
She was so f*****g exhausting. Not gonna lie, the day I found out she cheated on me was the best day of my life at that point, lmao. Ya boy was gooooone.”
8. “Privilege Isn’t Proof”
“When I tried to explain that ‘just because you have never experienced racism it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.'”
9. “She Didn’t Believe in Dolphins”
“I definitely was not in a relationship with this girl, just seeing each other, but she did tell me that she didn’t believe in dolphins.
Reasoning? She has never seen one in person.”
10. “Dated a Lawyer Against Gay Marriage”
“I once dated a woman who was a lawyer. I’m also a woman and she argued against gay marriage.
Big surprise that one didn’t work out.”
11. “Bless His Heart Moments”
“When he asked me if he could use dishwashing soap in the dishwasher, I said no and told him what would happen. Guess who came home to a kitchen bubble bath?
Went out to lunch with my cousin and aunt. She had moved to England from Canada a few years back. He asked her if it was difficult learning the language.
When he told his friends I was his trophy wife, I didn’t want to embarrass him, so I just laughed. Later in the car, he told me I embarrassed him, and I told him he embarrassed himself. He asked me why, and I had to define what a trophy wife was and why I am not. I’m more educated, make more money than him, I’m older than him, I spend very little time on my outward appearance, and he definitely doesn’t pay for any of it.
We are divorced.”
12. “Thought Lincoln Was a Vampire Slayer IRL”
“He thought the movie Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was a documentary.”
13. “Dismissed My Son’s Illness—Twice”
“When he told me our son with a lung condition wasn’t really that sick. That he just had a cold. No, I can’t bring him to the ER. I’m being dramatic. 24 hours later I called an ambulance. ICU for 9 days. Still tries to tell me it was all in my head. That he really wasn’t all that sick. Also not the first time he’s done this and my son ended up in the ICU. There’s been thousands of other things, but this is one I will never forgive. Hoping he will be my ex this year.”
14. “Anatomy According to Him”
“He told me some women’s cl*ts are on their necks.
He thought erogenous zone and cl*t were interchangeable.”
15. “Man Irons Shirt While Wearing It—Twice”
“He came round the house with a burn mark on his neck. Had tried to iron a crease out of his shirt… while he was wearing it.
3 months later did the exact same thing.”
16. “She Said the Brain’s Outside the Skull”
“I walked in on a debate between my gf at the time and my brother.
She was arguing that the human brain is located outside of the skull.
Like on top of it, I guess? Oof.”
17. “When Overpaying Backfires”
“My ex wife was overpaying the cable bill. For years. By a lot. Because it’s smart to pay more than you owe on bills. If they’re loans. Not subscriptions. The cable company wound up owing us so much that they had to get clearance from accounting to pay us back. It was over a grand.”
18. “This ‘Parenting Choice’ Nearly Killed Our Kid”
“My husband at the time admitted to me that he had intentionally fed our toddler something he knew he was allergic to. Thankfully our toddler didn’t have a reaction to it, but I was livid when he admitted he did it on purpose. Then he told me I was overreacting to his ‘legitimate parenting choice.’
When I showed him where in the doctor’s notes it said we were to avoid exposing him to ANY form of the allergen (which was also told to both of us in person at the last appointment) he insisted he didn’t know it was supposed to be complete avoidance, and since he didn’t know I couldn’t get mad at him for it. When I pointed out that our child could have died from it he insisted that because our child didn’t die it was obviously an okay decision.
This was the moment I knew I had to leave him before he k**led one of us.”
19. “He Went to Law School but Didn’t Read the Agreement”
“We were no longer married, but when he said he didn’t know what the parenting agreement said because he hadn’t read it. He went to law school. Still signed a binding document about his children without reading it.”
20. “Wedding Regret Hit Fast”
“He told me that he didn’t have to talk to me anymore. 3 days after the wedding. I left 100 days after that. F*****g idiot.”
21. “She’d Never Heard of Twins”
“I dated a girl who dropped a few gems, one was:
‘Why do we say words instead of just spelling them?’
I stared blankly, asked her to repeat herself, hoping I didn’t hear correctly. I did. I replied:
‘B-E-C-A-U-S-E-I-T-W-O-U-L…’
Around this point she got a really confused look on her face and said, ‘Whaaaaat?’
And I said, ‘That’s why.’
Another time a friend of mine mentioned his dog had a litter of puppies. The girl I was seeing said:
‘What if human moms could have more than one baby?’
‘…You mean like, siblings? Don’t you have an older brother?’
‘No, I mean like, at the same time!’
‘You’ve never heard of twins?’
Then she got angry and didn’t talk for a while.
The relationship didn’t last long.”
22. “Toilet Tantrum and Pub Escapes”
“When he blocked the toilet by putting thick paper towel down there and after trying to unblock it for a total of 2 minutes, he had a tantrum, yelled at me and stormed out to the pub for an hour. Whilst he was gone I managed to unblock it in less than 30 seconds. When he got back, he had another tantrum and went back to the pub for what I believe was emasculating him. Good times.”
23. “When ‘Open Relationship’ Only Went One Way”
“After 2 years together she decided she was bi and wanted to explore her sexuality. I was uncomfortable with having an open relationship but I really liked her and wanted it to work. We agreed that we could sleep with other people but she became extremely volatile when she realized that if I was going to sleep with someone else it would be a woman and not a man. She figured that since she would be having s*x with another woman it made sense for me to have s*x with another man. I’m not bi. I have no attraction to men. She eventually decided against the whole open relationship thing.
This relationship did not last.”
24. “He Thought the Feds Targeted His Garden”
“Dated someone a long time ago that thought the government was spraying pesticides on his 20ftx15ft garden every night.”
25. “‘Scientific Facts’ in Air Quotes”
“I told him you don’t catch colds from being cold, and he said, ‘I don’t care about your scientific facts,’ complete with air quotes.”
26. “Tasted the Candle”
“My normally quite intelligent spouse licked a vanilla frosting scented candle to see if it tasted as good as it smelled.
It did not taste good at all.”
27. “Toilet Seat Removed, Awaiting Orders”
“I asked him to clean the toilet. Came back to him having unscrewed the toilet seat and asking for further instruction.”
28. “Washing Hands Over Dinner”
“About ten minutes ago he began washing his hands over the strainer filled with cooked food. (:.”
29. “He Thought the Hay Field Was a Lawn”
“A boy I dated in college visited my house for the first time. I grew up on a dairy farm. He turned into the laneway and looked me dead in the eye and was like, ‘Wow, your dad seriously needs to cut the grass.’
It was a huge field of hay. My parents’ laneway is about a quarter mile long with fields on both sides. It was quite obvious that it was not just a patch of grass.”
30. “She Thought My Gamer Hands Meant I Hit People”
“Not really in a relationship but about a third date and the girl I was dating noticed I had ‘gamer callouses’ and declared she was deeply concerned because ‘the only way she could think of that someone could get callouses on their hands like that was from hitting people.’
I took stock of the situation, pondered my blue collar family that has calloused hands a dozen different ways, and decided it was better to not go on another date rather than untangle whatever was going on there.”
31. “Math Isn’t His Strong Suit”
“He couldn’t figure out what was better value; $15 for a pack of 12, or $1 each.”
32. “The Wax Incident We’ll Never Let Her Forget”
“Not my relationship but a relative. She poured the melted wax from her warmer into the disposal side of the sink….good thing her husband was capable of replacing the drain and disposal. We still bring that up.”
33.
“When I told her how a vaccine was made and she said I didn’t know what I was talking about and insulted my education. When I googled it and showed her proof, she refused to believe it and told me you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.”
34. “He Thought Super Tampons Meant a Bigger Hole”
“When he admitted to me that he thought the absorbency level of tampons was determined by the size of a woman’s vaginal hole. Basically, super tampons meant you had a wider hole. Married man with five kids.”
35. “My Ex Wanted to Drive Around the Pacific in 3 Days”
“My ex wife once asked if I wanted to take a 3 day trip and drive around the entire Pacific Ocean. We lived in Missouri at the time.”