Chris
Names are supposed to be a gift. A legacy. A sweet little label you carry with pride for the rest of your life. But sometimes, it feels more like a prank pulled at the hospital by sleep-deprived parents who just really wanted to be different. Unfortunately, these individuals are still struggling with the aftermath.
This list is packed with names so wildly unfortunate, you’d think a sketch comedy writer made them up on a deadline. But nope. They’re 100% real and probably followed by a lifetime of awkward introductions, side-eyes at Starbucks, and the occasional “No really, that’s my actual name.”
Let’s all be grateful our names didn’t land us on this list… or double-check that they didn’t.
1. Nice To Meet You Mike
2. Imagine If This Guy’s Team Loses. Everybody Will Be Pointing At Him.
3. Here’s the thing about Chardonnay that’s fun: She’s apparently really good at getting on TV.
4. Here she is volunteering…
5. And here she is just being a good ol’ Palmdale resident.
6. Tell me you were named after a one night stand without telling me you were named after a one night stand.
7. Spotted On Instagram: North Korea?
8. Never Trust A Steve
9. Is it supposed to be Pho?
10. Maybe Her Parents Should Have Said Her Name Out Loud First
11. He Entered The Police Force To Overcompensate
12. I Was Watching This Play-Doh Show With My Niece & Nephew When I Spied These Gems
13. Read His Name As If James Bond Were Saying It
14. Sounds like a name in a Terry Pratchett book!
15. He Was Literally Born For This, It Was His Destiny
16. At Least She’s Happy
17. Jesus Condom Saves
18. His Parents Really Must Have Hated Him When He Was Born. I Am Amazed He Made Anything Of His Life With That Name As A Child.
19. Every Day
20. I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me
21. Poor Guy
22. These Were The Names Of My Dad’s Teachers In Pre-School
23. This Guy Must’ve Hated The Fact That The Military Goes By Last Names
24. That’s verging on child abuse
25. Poor Choice Of Profession.
26. Would be funny if he was an atheist
27. I want to chat with Flavour’s parents
28. Wonder if her real name is Opal and the show did her dirty.
29. I’m sure Steve Harvey had a good laugh at that.
30. Thank You For Calling Customer Service, May I Have Your Name Please?
31. Set Bro Up From Birth
32. Best Fire Fighter Name Ever
33. *Extremely Alec Baldwin Voice*
34. He should have changed it as soon as it was legally viable.
35. Paging Dr. Shit
36. My Grandpa Had An Unfortunate Name
37. Why Settle For Just One?
38. Kermit Rainman
