Nate
There’s no place more unhinged, and more accidentally hilarious, than Facebook Marketplace. It’s where you go to buy a used chair and end up scrolling past haunted dolls, a bucket of “vintage” air, and whatever this melted plastic statue used to be.
Thankfully, there’s an account dedicated to chronicling the insanity. These wild Facebook Marketplace listings were all shared by Insane FB Marketplace, and they’re a perfect reminder that one person’s trash is another person’s questionable side hustle.
1. “For God so loved the world… He gave us Grimace.”
2. When your fairy godmother has a degree in swamp magic and a taxidermy side hustle.
3. Regretfully rehoming my 6ft worm. He doesn’t eat, doesn’t poop, just stares and judges. $140 OBO or trade for emotional closure.
4. For when you need to shred… and shed. Finally, music and fiber collide.
5. Say my name. No seriously, he won’t stop whispering it through the headphones.
6. Go down like Jack, but with more air and slightly less trauma. Local pickup only. Iceberg not included.
7. Perfect gift for baby showers, exes, or confusing your local priest.
8. Dobby is free… from OSHA guidelines. Still better than anything on Wish.com.
9. Can’t tell if this belongs at a ballpark or in a museum of things we can’t unsee.
10. Every time you look at it, it gets one day closer to learning how to speak.
11. A little something for the person on your list who’s too online. Gently used (emotionally).
12. Technically functional, emotionally confusing. Every time you sit down it’s a conversation starter AND ender.
13. He is the one who lights.
14. Supportive. Slightly grabby. Makes every ride feel like a very weird trust fall.
15. She’s quirky, she’s bold, and she’s legally not allowed within 300 feet of a normal lamp.
16. The couch may be soft, but it knows hard times. Smells faintly of regret and 2007.
17. Finally, a $900 piece that screams ‘avant-garde’ and whispers ‘balls.’
18. Awaken the yeast of ancient Egypt. Guaranteed to rise and possibly summon a pharaoh.
19. or when you want to hydrate and look like you’re performing a tiny wizard ritual.
20. Perfect for hoarding yarn, anxiety, or the souls of former Etsy sellers.
21. Turn your man cave into a man cathedral. Ceiling beer included.
22. NOT what you think. But also… maybe exactly what you think. $10 to never speak of this again.
23. Finally, a car that screams ‘Bayou Barbie Dream Ride.’ Perfect for errands and swamp diplomacy.
24. Wholesome on the outside. Deeply suggestive once you’ve seen it. You can’t unsee it.
25. Wanna scare the neighbors and prove you know obscure folklore? Step right up.
26. The vibes are temporary, the regret is permanent. Free bounce rave included.
27. Lighting fixture or the world’s classiest nipple? You decide. Either way, she’s a breast-seller.
28. The Holy Grail of broke college kitchens. Now you can store memories and regret.
29. Reflect on yourself while remembering 2006 and sobbing to Snow Patrol.
30. Now you can experience airline rage from the comfort of your living room. Legroom sold separately.
31. For when your truck needs just a hint of tattooed uncle energy.
32. Because nothing says hole-in-one energy like swinging around a chrome ding dong.
33. Looks like a UFO, functions like peace,
34. Furniture set or training ground for giant nesting dolls? You decide.
35. Looks delicious, smells like wax, emotionally confusing.
36. Selling my wife’s boyfriend. Must pick up. Will absolutely haunt your neighbors.
37. Every sparrow that enters this house gains ancient wisdom and a mortgage.
38. He’s 6’2″, emotionally available, and smells faintly of cinnamon and red flags.
39. These weights have biceps. You will feel judged while skipping leg day.
40. This is either a prepping strategy or a cry for help. Either way: spicy.
