40 Bizarre Vintage Product Ads That You Could Never Get Away With Today
Advertising is more annoying that it has ever been. I can’t even put gas in my car without the pump blaring commercials in my ear the whole time.
However, at least they aren’t as insanely problematic as they used to be.
These bizarre vintage product ads are from a time long gone. Some of these products are still around, but at least the messaging isn’t quite as tone-deaf.
1. The Committee For A Better America Was Formed In The 1920s For, “The Suppression Of Radicalism, Class Legislation And All Else Inimical To The Welfare Of The Nation.”
2. “…used By Many To Reduce The Waist Line.” Now You Can Melt Those Pounds Away As You Golf Or Paint!
3. “Wow Jug, Now Everyone And Their Brother Will Want Our Delicious Wieners In Their Mouth!” Jughead Doesn’t Care, But Veronica Looks Ready To Dig In!
4. This 1957 Power Mower Of The Future Was Equipped With A Plastic Dome, Air Foam Cushion Seat, Electric Generator, Running Lights, Radio, And Air Conditioning
5. This Guy Seems A Little Too Happy About It
6. It’s Hard To Believe Air Travel Was Ever Like This, Because Flying Today Is A Lot Like Riding A Bus
7. All Of Them? Watch Yourselves, Ladies! American Soldiers Are Std-Riddled Pigs!
8. In The Early Half Of The 20th Century, Asbestos Was Widely Used As Christmas Decor Because Of Its White, Fluffy Appearance
But that was before it was recognized as a major risk factor for an aggressive form of cancer known as mesothelioma. There is a scene in the 1939 classic, “The Wizard of Oz” where asbestos snow falls on Dorothy and her friends, awakening them from a spell cast by the Wicked Witch of the West.
9. The Niagara Wave & Rocking Bath (1890s) Was An Early Form Of Hydrotherapy. The Manufacturer Promised An Accurate Simulation Of The “Seaside” & Good Health Through Improved Circulation
10. Actually, Body Odor Is Caused By Bacteria Breaking Down Sweat
11. Genuine Ocd Toy Gas Masks — For Genuine Ocd Kids! Is It Really A “Toy” Or Is It “Genuine War Surplus?
12. In The 1950s, Students Who Were Constantly Fidgeting Were Suffering From “Harsh Toilet Paper.” Now We Attribute The Fidgeting To Adhd And Dose Kids With Adderall
13. American Inventor Stanley Hiller, Jr Designed This All-Metal Squirt Gun In The Late 1940s
14. “Easy On The Sugar — You’re Reducing!” Why Don’t You Shut The Hell Up Instead! And Why Is She Reducing? Was That His Idea?
15. “I Wish I’d Never Married!”
Morton’s trademark catchphrase, “When it rains, it pours” was created to illustrate the point that Morton Salt was free flowing even in rainy weather after the company began adding magnesium carbonate as an absorbing agent to its table salt in 1911 to ensure that it poured freely.
16. “It’s Leap Year Girls! Catch Your Man With Taste-Tempting Donuts.” If You Really Think Marriage Is A Trap, Why Bother With A Ball And Chain? Just Put The Donuts In A Bear Trap
17. And Not Racist At All. Oh No!
18. The Mosely Folding Bath Company Advertised This Folding Bath In The 1895 Montgomery Ward Catalog
This tub, disguised as a mirrored wardrobe, folded down and out of its wood casing into the room, revealing the water heater above. Since most folks still didn’t have indoor plumbing, bathing required filling tubs with water, bucket by bucket.
19. Advertisement In The Sears Roebuck Catalog For Laudanum. Opium’s Toxicity For Infants Was Common Knowledge Since Antiquity, And Yet In The Late 19th Century It Was Still In Widespread Use
20. Yes Friends, You Too Can Be An “Electronic Man” Made Out Of Cardboard
21. Claiming To Cure A ‘Torpid Liver’ And Beautify The Complexion, Crane’s Little Bon-Bon Pills Were Most Likely A Laxative Or Mild Diuretic
22. Who Was Sitting Around One Day And Thought What People Were Missing In Their Lives Was A Rug That Would “Stroke As You Stroke?”
23. What Does It Mean To “Throw Like A Girl” In This Ww2-Era Poster? It’s Meant As A Put-Down, But It Reveals How Stereotypes Become Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
24. “Including Sanitary Equipment” — A Bucket
25. If All You Have Is This Radiation Survival Kit, You’ll Be Envying Those Who Were Vaporized At Ground Zero
26. The Perfect Christmas Gift!
27. The “Multiple Electric Vibrator” Uses 480 Little Nubs To Rub Your Scalp, Stimulating Blood Flow And Supposedly Ridding You Of Dandruff And Loose Hair
28. The Evans Vacuum Cap (“A Scientific Method Of Growing Hair”) Was Advertised Widely Just Before The Food & Drug Act Of 1906, But Not So Much Afterwards
29. Even The Squirrel Thinks Its Fun! But This Guy’s Wife Immediately Threw It In The Trash
30. Sears Travelknit Fourpiece. When You Can Only Afford One Suit, Make Sure It’s An Ugly Green Doubleknit
31. “Made From Heavy Awing Cloth In Bright,gaudy, Horrible Stripes.” What The Well-Dressed Sleazeball Wears To Lunch
32. Whaaat? We’re Not Gay! We’re Just Two Adult Men Goofing Around In Our Boxers
33. For The “Newest Nowest Style!”
34. These Girls Are Lovely And Exotic, And Yet They Are Also Lonely And Eager To Meet Me. Sounds Legit!
35. The Electric Banana Stereo Phono Was Inspired By An Andy Warhol Painting Of A Banana For A 1967 Album By Velvet Underground
36. In 1981, Electronic Mail Was Still An Exciting Innovation, But The First Email Spam Had Already Been Sent Three Years Earlier
37. “Real Hair! Actually Trimmed From Davy, Peter, Micky & Mike” But It Doesn’t Say From Their Heads
38. “Many Times The Child Who Has Uncontrollable Flatulence Needs A Diet Correction — Not A Spanking! Ah, The Good Old Days. Apparently, In The 1940s It Was Normal To Spank A Kid For Farting
39. “Never Before A Woman Like This” In The 1950s, Pepsi Claimed Its Soft Drink Would Make Women Slimmer, Healthier And More Attractive
40. Cadillac Was Founded In 1902 By Henry Leland, Who Named The Company After Antoine De La Mothe Cadillac, The Founder Of Detroit
In 1908, when this ad was posted, Cadillac had brought the idea of interchangeable parts to the automotive industry and laid the ground work for the modern mass production of automobiles.