30 Childhood “Norms” People Later Discovered Were Far From Normal
Growing up, “normal” looks different in every household. I remember visiting a friend’s house as a kid and being genuinely surprised that his entire family sat down together at the dining table every single night.
At my place, dinner meant grabbing your plate and eating wherever… the couch, the floor, wherever felt right. We were close, the living room was just our thing. It wasn’t until later I realized not everyone grew up the same way.
The people in this thread had the same awakening. Some pretty stark and some hilarious household norms they never questioned until the outside world made them think twice.
1.
Its not necessarily “not normal” as a lot of people have it. But i didnt realise for awhile that not *everyone* has 2 loving parents who still love each other. i was blessed in this way.
2.
Pre bedtime cup of tea. Every night around 9pm we all will sat back down at the dining table and drink tea in proper tea set. My dad will also sometimes cut up a baguette and we will have it with butter and jam dipped in tea, otherwise whatever cookies/snacks around. I used to really enjoy this time, its like a lot calmer dinner time. After tea time then we all will go to bed. Only realise its not a thing when i moved out.
3.
Had 2 mums in the 80s. Didn’t figure out that wasn’t a normal thing till I got to highschool.
4.
Having an abusive alcoholic father. I seriously thought all men were like that. Story time: I remember a moment when I was 13 years old and I was at a party of my dad’s friend. I didn’t know anyone there except my dad. I wanted to go home because it was late and I was tired. My dad was drinking heavily as usual and said we’re sleeping there and to go to sleep on their couch and that was that. I was very upset and just wanted to sleep in my own bed and not in a strangers house. I started crying while I was trying to fall asleep and one of my dad’s friend’s sons who was in his 20’s came up to me and asked if I was okay and if I needed anything. I explained that I wanted to go home and I felt uncomfortable sleeping there. He listened and acknowledged my feelings. He offered to play a song on his guitar to lighten my mood. I gladly accepted. Then he left me alone once I assured him I was okay. I fell asleep after that. While at first I was a little nervous to talk to a strange man in a strangers house, I was honestly shocked that he was being so nice and not dismissing my feelings. I genuinely didn’t think men were like this. That man was nicer to me in that moment than my father had ever been. I’m really grateful for him because he really changed my perspective on men at such a crucial time in my life.
5.
Having cereal for dinner. I grew up with divorced parents, and lived with my single Dad. At the time he was a full time uni student and also trying to work full time as an office assistant, didn’t have much money nor a lot of time to go proper grocery shopping or cook. Almost every night dinner was a bowl of cereal, with the exception of “special occasions” where we would either walk to the local McDonalds for a happy meal or get a dominoes pizza delivered. Wasn’t till I was about 11 years old at my first sleep over at a friends house where his parents called us for dinner, I was expecting to see a bowl of cereal on the table, but was massively confused at this meat and veg dinner that was in front of me. I remember going home thinking their dinner was weird. Wasn’t till I was about 16 once dad graduated uni and got a job at a law firm and actually had money and time do go shopping and cook and therefore started making us “normal dinners”, that I realised cereal for dinner was not normal.
6.
That some kids couldn’t tell if there was a problem the second they woke up. There is a feeling, a “vibe” when dad was in a mood. The quiet is very particular.
7.
How controlled our food was.
Partly a whole heap of family allergies followed by I think fear that if we weren’t eating super healthy then something bad would happen, I’m not really sure to be honest. I do remember being amazed that friends were allowed juice and other sugary stuff.
8.
My mum baked a lot and I often had “unusual” cakes/pastries (apple strudel, bee sting cake) at recess at school. Other kids would want to try some and whenever friends came over my mum would serve cake or make scones for afternoon tea and put some chips in a bowl. Everyone was like “omg that cake your mum made was so good!” But for me home made cake and baked goods were just the norm. Probably a very European thing, but no one else’s mum did that!
9.
Slaps in public and when friends were over. My family was the only family I knew that regularly hit us as kids, most other kids had been occasionally slapped or smacked, but *really* infrequently. We sometimes got slapped at school gatherings and other parents always looked horrified.
10.
Being able to sleep anywhere, with any level of noise. My Dad was in a covers duo, and on Fri and Sat nights he would take us kids to his gigs and we would find somewhere to curl up and sleep once it hit about 9pm. Usually under a table, or in some padded chairs. He was never organised enough to actually PLAN to have us there, but we worked it out, and I can’t say I hated it. He also played golf at least 3 afternoons a week and would leave us at the clubhouse while he played 9-18 holes. We did our homework, played in the clubhouse, built sandcastles in the sandtrap near the clubhouse (when no-one was playing onto that green), and learned to putt like demons. He’s bloody lucky we were such good kids. There was a LOT of inattention paid, so we could have gotten up to some real mischief. But we didn’t. 🙂
11.
Being told no to everything like going over to a friend’s house. It got to the point I didn’t bother asking anymore. Both my parents have since died and, whilst cleaning out the family home, I found a letter from my primary school expressing concern that I had no deep connection to any kids in the school and that it was unusual that a kid my age (8) didn’t have at least one close friend.
12.
We regularly ate “egg bread”. I didn’t hear the term French toast until after I finished school.
BrotherBroad3698: My parents called it ~eggy toast~ and I now call it the same with my own kids.
13.
A kind loving family that looked out for eachother. No toxicity, no drama, no b.s.
14.
When I was young (8 and under) my house always had a particular smell. And only one of my friend’s houses smelled just like mine did. Fast forward to being a teenager: weed. My house always smelled like weed when my father was around.
15.
Both of my parents grew up in Asia, and they store cooked meat in the oven/microwave or a cooked pot of food on the stove, not in the fridge. And I’m talking for a few days.
It honestly wasn’t until I was an adult and started house sharing that I learned about the fear of meat being left out or stored properly. I was never sick as a child from this practice and I’ve learned the only other people who think this isn’t insane behaviour are people who also have parents from similar regions.
16.
My family has this really long ritual that involves singing multiple songs, clapping and chants when celebrating someones birthday. Most other people just sing Happy Birthday and leave it at that.
Examples include hip hip hooray, for he/she is a jolly good fellow, why was he/she born so beautiful…and clapping while counting out the age. Most other people just sing Happy Birthday and leave it at that.
17.
The five of us talking about state of the art new developments in science at the dinner table.
18.
Getting belted regularly for little things like forgetting to vacuum. Raising my siblings. First jobs, giving all but bus money to help with family. My mother had me convinced that, as the oldest, it was my responsibility to look after them when they retire. I was about 14 when I found out that was a lie lol.
19.
BBQs never involved Salad. 63yo & still it’s Meat on Bread with Sauce. When I was young Adult venturing out on my own, first saw Salad at a BBQ, thought “That’s weird “.
20.
Moving houses almost every year, trying to find the cheapest place to live. Also d***s, I was introduced to it in primary school and my friends didn’t even know what they were at the time.
e_castille: Having to move schools every year was rough. I began high school the most popular girl in my grade and by the time I graduated (five schools later) everyone knew me as a loner. It became a lot more difficult to make friends over time, and I just didn’t see the point anymore when I knew I was going to move on eventually.
21.
My father was a control freak about decor. I only realised when my mother left him that it was not usual for a stay at home mother not to have at least 50 percent control over decisions about furniture, towels, cushions, plates, glasses, etc.
worker_ant_6646: When we were 17, my ex’s dad flew off the handle one time we made footprints in the freshly vacuumed carpet before he did. We also went into the formal lounge room and rearranged the decor on the coffee table. It still looked neat and tidy but the ducks were swapped with the coasters and it was unacceptable. My ex was grounded for a week.
22.
In kindy I would use Swedish words that I picked up from my grandparents, I couldn’t grasp why the other kids didn’t understand when I would use these words. I had no idea it was another language.
denkapuma: I got into a whole argument with another kid in kindergarten about the pomegranate I brought in as a snack one day. I’d only ever heard the Arabic word for it up until that point. [I had] no clue I wasn’t saying the English name
not_the_chosen_onee: I grew up with first generation parents so that meant to little me that everyone else’s parents were also first generation. The idea that some of my friends could only speak English used to shock me, like what do you mean you don’t have native language? Or like your own culture/ food at home. No one’s just Australian, right?
23.
My dad cooking. Not many dads cooked.
24.
Being told “no” all the time. Not being able to talk at the dinner table, when visiting grandparents, other relatives houses (“sit there and be quiet”). It was bad enough I was never spoken to otherwise. Mine took “children should be seen and not heard” to a another level. Being on edge all the time wondering when either I ne of my parents were going to unleash their explosive behaviour. Not being able to gave a joke with my parents without them thinking it was disrespectful – visiting other friends’ houses as a teen I was jealous of the way they interacted with their parents, laughing and making jokes. I could never have an opinion, could never h ave a discussion about any topic without being called names. Even now I find it hard to have a conversation with any one new that I meet. When my sister divorced (her kids were 1 and 5) they would rather see her destitute than help – and I don’t mean financially. I see at my kids’s school grandparents who are involved and help by babysitting whilst the parents go to work. Mine didn’t help her so she could work, however my father financially helped his deadbeat leech of a brother. He also gave a car to my gambling aunty (mum’s sister). But no help for my sister. She managed to get through though…. Could go on……
25.
I didn’t realise that not everyone automatically turns off lights when they leave a room/area. My dad drilled it into us when we were kids. When I went to other kid’s houses, I was astonished that they had all the lights on all the time. I thought it was NUTS and that their parents must be really rich to afford the power bill.
bl00ph00h00: My Mum was really electricity conscious but we had some energy saving bulbs that apparently took the same amount of energy to turn off and on as to run for four hours continuously? So the rules in our house were like: Always turn the lights off, unless you think someone else will enter the room in the next four hours, in which case leave them on.
26.
My mother “stonewalling” us everytime she was angry or upset with us. I thought this was normal behaviour and it has affected my ability to have healthy relationships because I never really learned how to have difficult conversations, I just shut down everytime something is upsetting or feels too hard.
27.
Mum giving us a flannelette pillowcase each when we had colds to wipe our noses with – saved on tissues and was much softer. Husband thought it was the most disgusting thing he ever saw the first time I did it.
28.
Being told ‘no’ so often. When I was at friend’s houses, I would see how easy going their parents were.
29.
Raspberry cordial and milk. Crushed disprin with jam. Pillowcases at the end of the bed to put Christmas or birthday presents in.
AnnaSoprano: My mum did crushed Panadol in honey for me.
30.
My parents used to make me sleep outside as a punishment, like on the back patio. I casually mentioned it to my entire English class and they were all mortified lol