25 Parents, Doctors, And Nurses Shared The Craziest Things Said During Birth
As someone without kids, every childbirth story I hear makes the whole experience sound sort of terrifying.
These parents, doctors, and nurses in this thread shared the craziest things said during labor, and a shocking number of them sound like rejected sitcom lines.
1.
I walked into a delivery room once and asked “how’s it going?” (just directed to the room in general) and the patient, mid push, grunted out “pretty good how ’bout you?”. I lost it laughing and had to step out for a second to reset. She was awesome.
2.
My wife delivering her first child said “ it hurts can’t you just pull it out”? The doctor not missing a beat says, “He doesn’t have handles“.
3.
I was pushing and my midwife said “whoa she’s got a lot of hair” I said “no I just couldn’t shave”
She was in fact born with a lot of hair.
4.
My baby was sunny side up, and my doctor reached what felt like her whole arm up in there to try to turn her. My epidural had been wearing off, and it was NOT FUN. What came out of my mouth was, “some people LIKE FISTING?!”
The whole room burst out laughing. I probably should have been embarrassed, but I wasn’t and I’m not.
5.
My sister was in labor when the nurse, who had a Texas twang, came in and said “Time to move along!” My sister started laughing hysterically because she thought the nurse said “Time to mow the lawn!” , meaning her pubic hair. The poor nurse looked stricken when my sister told her why she was laughing.
6.
I was an ER tech when a woman came in in full labor thinking her appendix was rupturing. No clue she was pregnant.
A few minutes later she delivered a strong 7 lbs baby. She goes “holy s**t I just had a baby” and passed out cold.
We woke her up and she goes “well what is it?” and the doctor had to check and tell her she had a boy because no one else had yet thought to check.
7.
When I was in labor, the doctor commented how strong my pushes were. My husband said, “And yet, she’s never used this force for evil.”
8.
Dr. enters the room smiling brightly: So, how’s it going?
Me, mid-contraction: Please shut up!
Dr leaves the room still smiling: Alright!
I don’t think it’s the craziest thing he’s ever heard, but I’m still cringeing years later.
9.
Having done practice classes for unmedicated childbirth, my husband and I had been warned that I would likely scream obscenities or blame him, etc., during labor, because it would reveal my raw, primal self.
At the most intense moment, when he was holding me up as a contraction gripped hard enough to make me fall, I looked up at him and said, “I fear this may have been terribly ill-advised.”
It turns out that my most raw, primal self reads too many Victorian novels.
10.
Women delivered a daughter. She shouted out, “awwwww she has my old nose”.
11.
I maybe, definitely bit my husband’s arm during a contraction. He yelped and yelled, “no biting! Gentle teeth!” (He was a preschool teacher at the time)
12.
I had two drug free births. The entire wing of the American hospital learned a lot of Northern Irish curses with the second one.
13.
I was in so much pain so i calmly asked doctor ”could i have lethal injection” and smile, doctor said ”no” and i was like ”oh ok”
14.
During pushing, in between two contractions I said ‘I’d like to go home now please’. Everyone thought it was hilarious.
15.
I pushed for 4 hours and remember being so hot I thought I would faint. I swear steam was coming off my skin. My husband at one point asked if I wanted him to turn down the fan and I said no. A while later (minutes? Hours? What is time when you feel like you are dying?), he asked again. When we got to the 4th ask it was right after a huge contraction and I became deathly calm, looked him in the eye and said “Oh? Are you chilly?” in the iciest voice that has ever come out of me. Everyone in the room stopped and it was completely quiet. He goes “no, no! All fine!”
After the baby arrived, I looked around and everyone was wearing jackets, scarves, and whatever else they had. It was freezing in that room and I didn’t even notice.
16.
Not a medical professional, but my daughter was born at 6:34 p.m. Wheel of Fortune came on at 6:30 p.m. I solved a puzzle on WoF, blurted it out during a contraction. The doctor and nurses turned to look at the TV and they all started laughing.
17.
Midwife here – best Mum was deciding ‘I’m not doing this anymore. I’m going home’ just as the head was visible. She got off the bed & started putting her clothes back on. I ended up delivering the baby crouched on the floor at the doorway about 3 contractions later & mum reverted to typical newly delivered joy.
Dad – baby delivered by ventouse (suction cup to the head) for delayed 2nd stage. Mum asked if was a boy or a girl & poor Dad, taking in the elongated head shape (don’t worry it settles quickly!) & dusky blue colour & blurted out ‘it’s a Smurf’
18.
I was in the middle of strong contractions and the nurse asked me if I was planning to have any more children. I was trying to explain it in as few words as possible that my husband had recently had a vasectomy, so I said, “Not by my husband!”
19.
During my C-section I got to hear the doctor say: “Alright, he’s out! Butt first, like we thought.” Then a surprised noise and “Well, he had his first pee. Good stream too”
So my son came out butt first, screaming, and peed on the staff
20.
My mom asked my dad very calmly to get her shoes during active labor. He was confused, but didn’t dare disobey. He asked her what she needed her shoes for – “I’m going home because I’m not having fun anymore.”v
21.
Not a doctor or nurse but… I donated my placenta for research with my eldest. It’s all a bit of a blur but there was a woman with a clipboard explaining all the marvellous things they were going to do with this placenta.
Which is lovely but she was saying all this between contractions while I was on a pitocin drip with a baby that was back to back. According to my mum I shouted “making a f-ing hat out of it if you want, just stop talking!”.
Not my proudest moment but omg read the room lady. I’d already said you could have it!
22.
I’m not either of those but I have been a woman giving birth.
A nurse walked in and told me to “be quiet it’s scaring the other mothers” and mid contraction I yelled “everyone can eat s**t and d**! This hurts!”.
My next baby after that I told that SAME nurse the sentiment still stands and she needs to leave my room and not return lol
23.
When I had my daughter they botched my epidural so I felt everything. At some point, I yelled out “MY C**T IS TEARING!!!!!” Things in fact did tear, but thankfully, not my c**t. When they were stitching me up afterward (at a teaching hospital), the doctor told the intern “It’s not usually this bad”. Thanks doc.
24.
My partner, chock full of laughing gas, turned and looked at me and said, “I don’t think it’s going to come out.” The nurse said, “Oh honey, it has to.”
25.
Not a doctor/nurse, but while I was delivering my third baby (without an epidural), they asked if I wanted to feel the baby’s head, and I said “OH, I FEEL IT” hahahaha