25 Honest Answers From Men Over 30 About What’s Actually Great About Having Kids
Having kids is one of those decisions you can research, plan for, and think about for years and still not really know what you signed up for until you’re actually in it. Some people take to it immediately. Others find it harder than they expected, and then feel weird about admitting that. Nobody talks about the middle ground enough, the people for whom it’s not a disaster but it’s also not the transcendent experience they were promised.
Someone on r/AskMenOver30 asked a simple question: what’s so great about having kids? The person asking was genuinely curious, surrounded by friends who seemed exhausted and broke and not particularly happy about it.
The top 25 answers that came back were more honest than you’d expect. Some are funny, some are surprisingly tender, and most of them land somewhere in the middle. It depends on who you are and what you want out of life, and this thread makes that pretty clear.
1.
There’s no question having kids is really hard. You are correct that they are expensive, but more than that – they require SO much time. I have had moments where I grieve the life I no longer have. That’s normal and healthy, IMHO.
That said – kids can also be incredibly rewarding. I have two (7M and 2F) I love them so much, even when I don’t like them.
Watching them grow and experience life is really difficult to describe, but easily my favorite thing I have ever done. Especially with my wife.
Having kids is not for everyone, and I will never judge someone for not wanting them. But I don’t regret having mine.
2.
Biology plays a significant role in human behavior. Some of us reason our way against biology. Many of us reason our way through it.
I think many people thoroughly enjoy being a parent. Training a person to be better than themselves. Guiding a person and their friends through life. I can see the possible enjoyment in that.
For me and my wife. We’re not that interested and the reasons against outweigh the reason for. This is a personal decision and expecting others to think the way you do doesn’t make a lot of sense. It’s like saying “why do people like broccoli? It smells and is bitter!”
Personal choice is just that. Personal.
3.
Adding to the rest… You get to re-experience life through their eyes. I absolutely love watching their eyes light you when they learn something new or when I share with them a favorite book or movie and they experience similar emotions I did when I first enjoyed them. We share those experiences now. It’s something wholly unique.
4.
Throughout the majority of human history, for the average person marriage, children, and pets served a far more utilitarian purpose prior to the postwar era. A much higher proportion of the general population were either subsistence farmers/hunters/fishermen or worked in skilled labor. Children and spouses could help share the physical workload, and pets were mostly used for pest control, guarding property, and herding livestock.
After WWII, the subsequent suburbanization and general lifestyle/consumerist marketing presented the idea of marrying for love, your spouse should be your best/only friend, children exist as endless vessels of love and insurance for future caregiving during the elder years, and one’s entire emotional world should revolve around caring for children and pets. Most people are either employed as “knowledge workers” with sedentary desk jobs or in the service industry. Children and pets typically cannot assist an adult in carrying out their work tasks as they could in previous centuries. So for the first time in human history, childbearing is optional with no utilitarian benefits.
So I think it’s worth questioning how reasonable it is for an adult to spend the first 20-30 years of life occupied by school, hobbies, socializing, etc. and then pivot towards 24/7 caregiving (a completely different skillset/worldview) when many people are not natural born caregivers.
Put another way, if someone has worked professionally as an accountant for 15+ years, reassigning them overnight to work in a care home for disabled adults doesn’t carry over that many skills.
I think it’s another example of societal conditions changing faster than human norms.
5.
Some people really hate time, money, and sleep.
6.
That’s because you probably aren’t meant to have kids. I’m not judging you because I don’t want kids either lol.
I lnow many people who absolutely love being a parent. But i also know many regretful parents. And there is no “control + z” for having Kids. If you in it, you IN IT. So be sure you want that.
I constantly get people trying to push me to having a kid. “You gotta have at least one.” F off no I don’t. Half of these people are terrible parents, too and that’s why they are suggesting it, because their lives are minimally impacted.
I don’t want a kid BECAUSE I know I’ll be a good parent. That lifestyle just isn’t appealing to me. Apparently I value my freedom a lot more than most others do. And it’s a freedom and spontaneity ender in my eyes, with my paycheck, and hours I work.
7.
Personally I don’t see anything great about having kids. So I don’t have them. It’s that simple.
I’m sure they’re great for those who want them, but you don’t *have* to have kids.
Probably talk about it before marriage so you don’t end up having the “wife wants kids” thing.
8.
My kid gives me the greatest satisfaction I’ve had in my life. I’ve traveled the world. I make great money. I have a beautiful wife. I’m not a terrible musician lol. My kid beats all that.
9.
Getting married and having kids for the wrong reasons are prob some of the worst mistakes you can make.
As for why to have kids….. only reason is that you really want kids, and you have the means to take care of them. It’s just that simple.
10.
I think sometimes people take parents complaining too literally. I have two kids and being their dad is my favorite thing in the world, but it’s BAD.
It’s hard being looked up to in every aspect of life. Everything you do they see and duplicate. It’s hard teaching your kids to be a better version of yourself. It’s hard to always be tired, and play at the level of someone 30+ years younger than me. But I love it and I love them. They make my life better. But if people don’t want kids, I totally get that too!
11.
That’s a great question. I have no idea. I am 46 with no kids and do not want to change it whatsoever.
12.
I agree. If somebody is SURE they want kids then 100% by all means go for it. But if you’re not sure, or you do it just because you think *that’s what I’m supposed to do*, then you’re making a huge mistake. Some people don’t take creating children seriously and thus we have so many kids growing up fatherless.
13.
Depends on the person, depends on who you are.
14.
This is why I don’t have any kids. I have nieces and nephews, cousins and godchildren that I adore. I love that I can spend time with them,spoil them with movies, popcorn and cookies and the sent them home to mom and dad.
They are expensive, time consuming and, in the long run may make your life miserable because of god knows what.
Being an uncle or godfather puts me in a better position of power to effect change when things go south because they don’t think mom and dad know anything.
It’s amazing how much influence I have from this position. I can be more honest because I have the kids interest at heart without the complications of parenthood.
They know I am always on their side even if I disagree with them. It’s not the same as being the parent.
15.
My friends who have kids swear that the good times make the rest of the time worth it, which has never seemed like a good tradeoff to me.
16.
You are correct in your assessment. No kids therefore we get to do what we want when we want wherever we want. I have other friends with kids and without kids. Guess which friends I just spent two weeks on vacation with.
17.
Yeah, right… blame women.
Just don’t have any. It’s pretty clear you’re not dad material. Then you don’t have to worry about it.
18.
Everything isn’t as it seems on the surface, and not all satisfying life decisions are obvious in the first years. Things like this should be looked at as a 70 year old person. Do 70 year old people say “I’m glad I had extra money to buy an Audi and drive it around by myself” or do they say “watching my kids grow and go out into the world was a life affirming experience”.
19.
I’m with ya. I’m cool being the “fun uncle” and fire your kid up with a bunch of sugar then watch you have to deal with the aftermath.
20.
Most people love being parents, but for most people parenting is also too expensive and exhausting and isolating. If society were better for families, more people would love the experience. Humans did not evolve to parent in nuclear families, it is a huge psychological burden to not raise children with a group of other adults doing almost as much as the parents themselves do. People with money can minimize the stressors.
21.
I love my kid, it’s been such an enjoyable ride seeing her grow up. Its like if your dog could talk to you.
22.
As someone with 7 month old twins, they brought my life purpose and a joy I never thought I could experience. Am I tired, exhausted, and depressed? Yes. For 4 months I had to feed them every 3 hours days and night. My social life is non existent. I am new levels of poor. I don’t regret any of it for the joy they bring me.
23.
A lot of people derive satisfaction and fulfillment from having a family. Some folks don’t. An unfortunate few try to be the first and find out that they’re the second. I think most men are wired, to some degree, to want to have kids and be a father. I’m glad for the folks who don’t that it’s not as much of a deeply set default as it has been historically. The couple of friends I know who have kids swear by them, but most of my peer group aren’t in a position to do so right now and several – including myself – are personally adamantly against having kids. It is what it is.
24.
Father of 2 here. All the things you said in the first Paragraph. Difference is I’m older now and I hate money and people mostly anyway. I hate rest and sleep. I hate pooping alone and I hate food in fridge. I’ve done all the other stuff and I long for a different adventure and challenge. This adventure although extremely exhausting and mentally draining is ultimately more fulfilling in a part of my brain that I didn’t know existed. I’m on the back 9 and I guess I just don’t need it to be all about me anymore. I’m sacrificing.
25.
My oldest graduated HS last night. I would do anything to wake up tomorrow and it be his first day of school again. Run it back.